Exes and the Approaching Holidays

[Mstyiyd]

With Thanksgiving and Xmas and all the other holidays fast approaching, I would like to ask some ???s regarding exes and holidays. If you have had NC for a period of time w/an ex, they break NC and you start slowly talking again but that is all it is, no relationship talk, as far as anyone's concerned both parties are single and can do what they want, what should you expect as far as Thanksgiving invites (if you had been there to their family before) or Xmas?

Should you take it personally if you are not invited by your ex to spend T-giving w/them and their family, if both are on speaking terms? If they don't invite you but seem to want to keep communication going between you and them, is that fair (on their part)?

Obviously I'm talking about myself (and prob. lots of others out there)....don't want to be a doormat, want to keep having the upper hand in a situation that unfortunately is still very much in limbo.

I already have plans for next week, but curiosity has gotten the best of me. I haven't been asked yet, and prob. won't......it started the feelings of insecurity again but when we've talked I have not mentioned that or the holidays, trying to just go on and be strong and live my life.

Comments welcome!

[coooolsome]

If you have been NC until now, and they do invite you, why would you go? You should already have plans for thanksgiving and christmas. You dont need to get an invite and you shouldnt care b/c it means nothing(except that you are becoming friends)

[Mstyiyd]

I don't know if I want to be friends again, or yet. Don't know if in the long run I can emotionally handle that, esp if she starts dating someone which would seem inevitable (on both sides, but I think she'd find someone quicker than I would). She reinitiated contact at the end of October, and like I said, we've seen each other 2x and have begun talking on the phone @ casual stuff more often since then. I didnt really expect an invite, I think whatever goes on needs to be slow. I just dont know why I feel weird about all this....maybe 'cause its next wk. I guess I should not feel offended or worry about it...........?.......sigh,.......

[coooolsome]

I know how you feel, my family doesnt celebrate either and I always spent it at the ex's place. But I have friends that do and I am going to be with them so as long as you already have plans, dont worry about it to much. Just go with the flow, dont ask about it b/c you dont need to get the invite.

[Mstyiyd]

Thanks coolsome......I am going to my best friend's house out of state....they are my other "surrogate" family. I don't have a big family at all, my parents live far from me and they usually go to friends' on that day. I am welcome there, but my BFF is alot more fun to hang with!

I've been doing well for a while, I guess the holidays bring out funny feelings in us dumpees. I want to be strong for myself. Partly what gets me through this is a tiny satisfaction of knowing she broke NC regardless of the reason and I was able to NOT do it first. Feels like I'm playing games sometimes with this......still dont know if it was a good idea to keep the phone contact and stuff going w/her.....it kind of encourages her that yes, Im open to contact but on her terms....only this time Im going to do my darndest to do it equally or more on my terms where it feels less one sided.

[Beec]

You would nto be invited to my families, unless you were really clsoe and had nothing else to do, or if we were in a relationship. If you are not my gf, you don't get invited for dinner.

[Mstyiyd]

Well my ex and I were very close friends, and we spent alot of time with her family. There is alot of history there. She has a huge extended family and I was there for many holidays over a 2yr period.....when her cousin was killed in an auto accident in the late spring she asked me to be with her that whole week, and had me in the family viewing room, separate from the visitors. That should say how close we were. I was with her (partly because I wanted to, partly bec. she asked) during her entire treatment of cancer as well. I am still close to some of her family. This was not my doing, I have tried to be a "lady" and hold my head high and go on. I just feel mad, sad, confused, frustrated, and alot of PMS tonight!

sorry.....grrr......sigh......