REALLY long-distance. Anyone else?

[emma34]

I was just wondering if anyone is dealing with a REALLY long distance relationship...how do you deal? for me, I will soon be dealing with my boyfriend going overseas for 6 months for the canadian military. I dread his departure...any advice/experiences?

[RayKay]

Yup, when I was 19, my boyfriend of a year was away from here (Canada) for a year in Australia.

 

The relationship was strong, so we made it through with lots of communication from both sides!

 

Depending on what he is doing for the military he should still be able to have decent contact. I know a few people who have gone away with the Canadian Navy or Military for months and are still able to email everyday and so forth and call regularly.

 

The main things are to keep busy, and work out together when you can contact and how frequently and so forth, so neither of you is disappointed, and work out plans to keep it alive and flourishing together. If you have a good relationship, 6 months distance is won't tear it apart. Distance can exaberate existing issues, but since there is a finite end to the distance, it does not have to be the end of it all with good communication!

[woebegone]

I live in the States and my boyfriend in Europe. We only get to see each other once every 2-3 months. Usually three. I get to spend holidays with him but that's about it. But I wouldn't give up the relationship for anything. So if the relationship is strong enough, it can work, even though it is hard at times. We have periods of loneliness and all that... but we know soon I'll be joining him in college. *crosses fingers* So just look on the bright side of things. Things may get lonesome, but your relationship could become stronger by having to deal with this. Hope I helped

[barleypeace]

hi--

i live near l.a., and my bf lives near london; it is tough, but not impossible (thank goodness for skype and webcams)! the most difficult thing in a mostly cyber-relationship, i think, is the difference in time zones; it makes one of us be up very late, or very early, lol. communicating frequently has been a cornerstone for us, both electronically and via snail-mail, which allows us to express thoughts/concerns/issues that we may not be able to fully hash out because of the 8 hour difference.

 

i confess, i do a fair share of whining about missing him, lol, so you are lucky in the respect that your situation is temporary; i'm looking at about 3 more years of school before i can even think about making a move! RayKay has the right of it though; he'll probably have pretty good access to a phone or a computer, and once you guys get a schedule hammered out, the 6 months will fly by.

 

departures are indeed difficult-- but you know he will come back, so hang in there... there are many fun and romantic ways to keep intimacy going when your partner is absent; you may be pleasantly surprised to discover a talent for writing, for example! i've also found that i enjoy hearing the little details of his day (even when they are not so positive), something which oftentimes gets overlooked in a more traditional relationship.

 

good luck!

[jdratx]

Hey there, Emma. I feel ya on the LD thing for sure. I’m in TX and my gal is in Taiwan. It's now been over a year since we were together, but I'll be visiting for 3 weeks next month. She’s 14 hrs ahead of me time-wise, which makes things really tricky, but we’ve learned to schedule our time together on the phone and web-cam. I wouldn’t give her up for anything, and I know she feels the same for me. As long as you understand that the time apart will end, it does become easier to handle mentally. Just remember, really strive to make the time necessary to sustain the relationship by keeping your communications lines open and keep it spiced up just like you would if he were here. Be strong and hang tough– before you know it, he will be back home and in your arms!

 

Best regards.

[ayekasong]

Well, we are not that far apart anymore, but for a year, I was in Japan while my boyfriend was here in the US, Chicago area. It was really tough at times, but we are still together. It takes lots of trust, tons of communication and openness, and an effort on your part to remain busy while you are apart.

 

Departure was the hardest thing for me, but he will only be gone for six months, correct? Six months is a very short time and it will go by before you know it.

 

Good luck.

[Tigris]

I know how difficult it can be to be in a LDR. I'm in one and I live in England and my Fiance lives in Australia and it's killing us that we're apart. But we look at it this way it's a test of our love and commitment! If we have any problems or insecurities we talk them over with each other.

 

We contact each other many times by email, texts and MSN throughout the day. Communication, Trust and Planning for the future are the keys to success!

 

I'm visiting her in February and we're getting married in 2007!

 

I hope everything works out for you.

 

Good luck and take care.

[meadow8]

I've been in two long, long distance relationships over the years. The first one obviously not working out, the second going great. I'm in NYC, my boyfriend's in Australia- about as far apart as you can get. Ways to deal include like others said, a lot of communication, honesty, maturity, trust and a date where you can see each other again.

 

Invest in a good phone card too (if you can call him). I use link removed - it's not expensive and I can refill my card online, and unlike a lot of other cards I've used, they don't rip you off on minutes. Another thing we've done is send a lot of postcards, just quick little notes, a few a week. I buy one wherever I go and send to him, it makes it fun. And that way there's constant mail, and it's always nice to have something written in front of you.

 

Anyway, 6 months is not that bad! It might even make things stronger. While you're on your own make sure to keep busy and have fun. Don't sit around brooding or it will make it worse.

[justify_yourlove]

This is my post in another thread:

 

I have been in a long-distance relationship for 7.5 years with a guy I met online. He lives in Florida and I am in California. We only met 3 years ago and only see each other December and summer months. For us, it did work but it is extremely hard. It will definitely tear you apart at first but it will test whether you are meant to be. You both are still young and are pursuing different paths for now. If you two are dedicated for each other, then it should work out. Communication is extremely important. Make sure both of you talk about what your needs, expectations, and fears are and how you'll help each other. If it comes to the point where one will find another person, then that's only natural. You would only want your love to be happy. Good luck!

[RescueDiver]

I dated a girl for over a year (and on and off for the next two years) where we lived over six hours away from each other. Spent a lot of time on the phone and using IMs. I had considered getting a webcam at some point (you might want to look into that). It's really nice to have because whether you're using IM or telephone being able to see facial expressions is worth more that you would think.

[whatfor]

I deal with a really long distance relationship where not seeing each other for 6 months is normal. Stay strong. Sometimes i think its a good therapy not to see each other for that long to realise how much you lofe and want and miss them.

[lovecrazy]

Girl it will work out! Its only 6 months!

 

I moved to Michigan for about 9 months when I was in a relationship with Jon, and we called and wrote letters. He is my ex now but that is because We went in different directions!

 

But After not seeing them for a while it is amazing!

 

My boyfriend now WIN! We have been together for about a year, and If I go a week without seeing him, I just go crazy, but the time apart makes me realize that I love him so much!

[Moon Goddess]

Yup my boyfriend lives in australia and i live in Puerto Rico (a island close to united states)(Caribbean) but the distance does not affect us we are sooo in love I love u dregnought ! ! ! i just had to say that any way the distance is not a problem when u know it's love you can survive the obstacles Good Luck

[Dregnought]

Yeah, good luck Emma34. ^^ Thats my girl right there, oh so how i love her.(our avatars hehe) There is 10 hours time difference, actually just how we want it. I see her every morning and afternoon. If he has access to a computer, getting a mike and webcam is really helpful. Sound interested in each others life (though i wouldd think u 2 would be) and most of all dont lie. Remember; its no different except that u wont see him as much. Thats it.

[BillyJean714]

As long as he makes the effort to frequently contact you, that's what counts. I had an LDR with an ex once. Me- west coast of the U.S., Him- East coast for 3 months! We met before he had to temporarily leave to make his rounds at the clinic. We lasted mostly because he made the effort to fly out and see me once a month, and we communicated via webcam, in which I really hated. Open and honest communication? I guess so.

 

Talk about odd hours- especially with the 3 hour difference.

 

I can only IMAGINE how tough it is for you!

 

I am one to believe that if 2 people are truly TRULY compatible they will survive through thick and thin. If anything, if you guys can still bond while him being overseas, it truly does prove your guys' compatibility. If two people can bond over the phone, that means that they TRULY bond in REAL life.

 

All you can do for now is to get your feet wet, and just experience it. This is all a learning lesson. Have faith. If things work out, awesome! If they don't, then, at least you can walk away knowing that every relationship you encounter teaches you lifelong lessons (that is, if you choose to view it in that way). I feel for ya. Hang in there. Don't lose hope. Best of luck to your relationship.

[Dregnought]

Agreed to the point there. IT can still happen, but constant communcition is a must.

[jacobtyker]

I live in Montreal, my girlfriend lives in Edmonton, it really sucks. I get to go back in a week or so though, really looking forward to that.

[dawn23]

I know what you're going through -- we're going on 2 years in a LDR, I'm on the West Coast and he's in Japan (he's Japanese). When we first met (online), he was in Japan, but going to Canada for 6 months to study English. We met online in February, and met in person in Toronto in April. A few weeks later, I went back to Canada for another looong weekend because we couldn't stand to be away from each other. Our love is very, very strong, but still, it's a totally frustrating experience sometimes.

 

I do my best to stay busy, which is what everyone suggests I do. He's busy, too -- he works 10-12 hours 6-7 days a week and he takes care of his 82-year-old mother, too. He's so busy, and with the time difference and all (17 hours!), we're down to talking on the phone once a day, for 15-20 minutes before he goes to work. (When he first went back to Japan last October, we talked 6 or 7 times a day!) It's really a good thing to talk to him every day, because it allows us to talk about what we did the night before, what we're up to that day ... all the little t hings. Sometimes we're just tired and we don't even talk, we just "sleep together" and I listen to him breathe. (I want to cry just now, thinking about it.)

 

Mainly, I think it's important to remember that a strong love can withstand anything. We don't even know when we'll see each other in person again (maybe in the spring, which will make it about a year since we kissed!) I know everyone says it's important to have plans for the future, but at this point we just don't. All we know is we love each other strong, and there's no one else either of us wants. It's just a matter of time, and him finishing up things he has to do there (his job contract, etc) so we can be together. So, I go with that and I study my Japanese and I'm getting my degree so I can get a visa and teach English in a year or so, and I don't push it -- he knows I want to be his wife. And he knows I'll go to Japan to live if he doesn't come here like he wants to. I guess I just don't believe in pushing the big issues on the phone when he's so far away... so I'm trying to be patient (hah! not easy!)

 

Right now I want to cry. In fact, I have been crying a lot tonight. Mostly I'm lonely. I'm really lonely for him. All I can say is hang in there, and love him, never stop. Talk to your sweetie on the phone, send him cards and emails (I send my guy a good night email every night and tell him how much I love him.) Send "care packages" frequently (I sent him a box just a couple of weeks ago, I put in a warm fleece vest, a bunch of warm socks, some good smelling soap... cozy things like that, because it's already started snowing there.) And just remember how good it feels to touch his hand and look in his eyes, and how good it's gonna feel when he's back and you can touch him again!

[skyjuice]

Hi

 

It is good to hear that LDR become not distance anymore.

For those who eventually get together, how do they do it?

Especially, with the immigration thing.

[Maya]

I live in the States and my boyfriend in Europe. We only get to see each other once every 2-3 months. Usually three. I get to spend holidays with him but that's about it. But I wouldn't give up the relationship for anything. So if the relationship is strong enough, it can work, even though it is hard at times. We have periods of loneliness and all that... but we know soon I'll be joining him in college. *crosses fingers* So just look on the bright side of things. Things may get lonesome, but your relationship could become stronger by having to deal with this. Hope I helped

 

I have a boyfriend, he lives in Los Ageles, and I live in Europe in Croatia:sad: , we met 3 years ago and we are in love.

He visited me again this year, and everything was grat.

I'm trying to move to the States, but I'm not sure yet, I still need a college to finish, Im 21 and He's 27, he's much older...

And now Im so confused and I don't know what do to, I really do love him, but??!!

And I know that he love's me, we talk a lot, but he's very busy, and I'm feeling lonely..](*,) ](*,)