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[Aporia]

A month ago I met this guy in a club. (as you do)

(my first time ever out in a pub/club thanks to my friends ID)

 

We were talking for ages and we got on great...

 

So he rang me the next day we talked for hours and then texted each other for the rest of the day so I met up with him the next day and we watched a movie in his house for our "first date" as he liked to call it then I met up with him a few more times just driving around the place so I ended up staying the night he kept trying to have sex with me but I told him I was a virgin and he completley understood and said that I should wait until I'm ready and stuff so we just stayed up all night in his room talking until about 11 o' clock the next day!

 

After another week of having a great time with him and our in dept conversations where he told me about his childhood the good and bad things I stayed the night again and just decided that it was time to loose my virginity which I found very hard to do.

 

I've had allot of boyfriends in the past but I could never do it. So I just let go. The next morning we got on great again and he gave me a lift home.

 

I never saw him after that and he just ignored my texts.

 

Im so low at the moment.... He took something away from me that someone might have appriciated in the future...

 

It makes me sick and I feel so empty like Im not special anymore.

I' ve gotten so depressed in the last few days that I couldnt get up for college. I just wake up everymorning about 7 o' clock and lie there. Ive no motivation and the thing that makes me sick the most is that I'll always look back apon this.

 

How could he be so heartless? After saying stuff like you should wait until you meet the right person and I respect you for being one ect.

 

Im so depresed I cant think straight and I cant go to college or even study for exams.....

 

Please help......I feel so sad so low worthless

[annie24]

Hi - I'm sorry you had this experience. Well, I think you have learned a very painful lesson now. Don't beat yourself up about it. You now know better, so you'll do better next time. You now know that some guys will say anything to get a girl into bed, and once they achieve that goal, they are onto the next target. I suspect in the future, you will be more cautious before getting involved with a man.

 

Really, don't beat yourself up. I think most of us girls have experienced a very similar situation as you. Don't let your schoolwork suffer.

 

Take care

[RayKay]

Awww, sweetie...big hugs to you!

 

I think many people have gone through something similar, not always their virginity, but having had sex and never hearing from the other person again. It hurts, but do not blame yourself - he sounds like he was manipulative and knew the right things to say and do and this, but I promise you not all men are like this!

 

It's a painful lesson, but a good one to learn...in the future do not give someone that part of you until you are SURE there is a relationship and commitment there from both sides, and you are certain he loves and cares for you for YOU. And love takes far longer then a week to build - whatever the sweet words he says, or how many flowers he sends.

 

Don't be so hard on yourself, and don't let the rest of your life suffer. Even though you no longer have your virginity, you still are very special as is being intimate with someone, and anyone in the future whom you choose to be with wil respect and love that.

[BillyJean714]

-Hey Girl,

 

I feel your pain. This is your learning lesson. Sadly, there are people out there who will take advantage of you. I was like you when I was younger. I told my boyfriend of 3 months at that time (he was 21 and I was 16) that I wanted to keep my virginity until I find the 'right person' and get married. What do you know?

 

For the 3 months, he showered me with love and affection. Took me to museums, we watched movies, spent ALL day and night together. He'd send me things through the mail box, picked flowers for me- he did EVERYTHING. And for what? For my virginity!! He played a guilt trip on me saying, "Relationships are half physical/half mental." At that time, I was already emotiionally attached, and me being naiive, I gave in.

 

What happened next? Same thing that happened to you. We broke up. He said he wanted to enjoy 'his' ''college experience". Then after 5 months of strictly No Contact, he tries to keep in touch with me. Since I lost my V to him, I was the type who thought to "Marry the one you lose your virginity to." We were together and lasted for 3 1/2 close to 4 years! What happened during that time? Let's just say- HE WAS A DOG!

 

My point is, next time, you have to not give up somthing so precious like that. If a guy wants to have sex with you, and you say "No", stick to it. Compromising your body isn't going to help. If that's all that the person is after, you will know. If that person pressures you, you will know. If something sounds too good to be true, it probably is. Anyone can put on a facade and truly act like they're in love with you, when they're not. When it comes to love it's all about 'time.' No one falls that fast. If they do, if they sincerily do, then good for them. For the most part though, you just have to cover your own butt and take your time. Whirlwinded romances are DANGEROUS.

 

Hope this Helps. Keep in Mind: Learn from other people's experiences as well. Just be careful next time. An innocent and sweet girl like you can be seen as easy prey by disgusting/selfish people like him.

[Aporia]

Thanks sooo much for all the replys! It made me feel so much better I didnt think writing all that up would help but it did. Thanks for the help too I do feel better.

 

He was 6 years older than me. I kept saying to him you probably have said all this to so many girls before and now I know he has...

 

I suppose in a way I'd like to thank him for showing me how fake people can be...but I've seen many fake guys before wanting just one thing...and he was just different...

 

It actually really scary how convincing someone can be....

Im scared that this has affected me so much Im going to find it really hard to trust guys in the future

[darkblue]

Sorry to hear that.

He manipulated and used you. Some people are willing to mess with other people's feelings, emotions and minds.

 

Was he the same age as you?

Did you use protection?

[Caldus]

While I do not want to alter this topic into a virginity debate, I ponder why so many people are ashamed of their virginity-loss episodes.

 

My first time was not all that fantastic myself but I certainly don't regret it. Maybe my over-liberal mindset is kicking in here, but it's just a label described as 'haven't had sex yet'. Don't kick yourself over it. Think extensively about how much longer in theory you would have kept your virginity anyway. You probably would've eventually given up to someone anyway, no? That person can say that they are right for you and can believe the same thing.

 

In addition, you lost it to him mighty quick. From what I can gather, it was after a few times you met up with him, correct? And here you are expressing your desire to have met the right person before performing such a task. Sounds like to me you did not take enough time to evaluate the general credibility of your partner. Be cautious of that in the future.

 

I would hope by now that you are aware of the nature of some guys. They will sound so pleasing to your heart and then the next thing you know you are left alone without another phone call ever again. Getting used was never anyone's idea of fun.

[annie24]

It actually really scary how convincing someone can be....

Im scared that this has affected me so much Im going to find it really hard to trust guys in the future

 

Well, no, don't get too dissilsioned with men. If you take a few months or so before getting into bed with them, you can be sure that they like you for you, and are not just trying to have sex with you. Most guys who are players like that won't stick around that long just to have sex and leave you. Just take time to get to know the next guy. Don't kick yourself. I've been there myself - I know - they can be quite convincing!!! I even had one guy call me his "soulmate!" Do you think I ever heard from my soulmate again? Ugg....

[Aporia]

Was he the same age as you?

Did you use protection?

 

Yeah of course I did but he wasnt really bothered about using anything..

As I said hes 6 years older than me....I guess hes just going through that stage of "get as many girls as you can because your in your early twenties and can get away with it" or something like that anyway.

 

I ponder why so many people are ashamed of their virginity-loss episodes.

 

I woulndt say shame is the word its more upset...

and I regret it...It would have been so much better if he appriciated it like I said earlier...

I just think it would be nice to look back on it and feel happy about the situation...

 

Well, no, don't get too dissilsioned with men. If you take a few months or so before getting into bed with them, you can be sure that they like you for you, and are not just trying to have sex with you. Most guys who are players like that won't stick around that long just to have sex and leave you. Just take time to get to know the next guy. Don't kick yourself. I've been there myself - I know - they can be quite convincing!!! I even had one guy call me his "soulmate!" Do you think I ever heard from my soulmate again? Ugg....

Thanks for the advice....I'll definitley be waiting a long time before I do anything again!

[darkblue]

Yeah of course I did but he wasnt really bothered about using anything..

As I said hes 6 years older than me....I guess hes just going through that stage of "get as many girls as you can because your in your early twenties and can get away with it" or something like that anyway.

 

And you are wise for doing so.

However, there are STDs that cannot be protected by even the best precautions. You may want to consider being tested; for peace of mind.

[Caldus]

I woulndt say shame is the word its more upset...

and I regret it...It would have been so much better if he appriciated it like I said earlier...

I just think it would be nice to look back on it and feel happy about the situation...

You think anyone ever goes through their life without ever making mistakes or having regrets? Don't be so hard on yourself. Everyone has a big bundle of regrets that they wish they could deplete. At least you took the necessary precautions before sex. Definitely can pat yourself on the back for that.

 

Guys will have trouble with girls.

Girls will have trouble with guys.

thereforeeee, every guy and girl will have trouble.

[Aporia]

HAH!

He rang me friday night at half 3 in the morning saying come out I want to see you and Im reaching out to you I do my best for you and *CENSORED**CENSORED**CENSORED**CENSORED* like that.

I just hung up on him.

*anger*

[annie24]

ugggg.... I'm rolling my eyes here......

 

I think you did the right thing! Good girl! What a jerk! Treating you like you're the pizza delivery guy, "Come right over!" Geeezzzz....

[darkblue]

What a chancer.

 

Well done for hanging up on him.

Don't give this man a second thought.

[Aporia]

I told him he was funny because he is infact, hilarious!

What did he honestly think I was going to do run out to him?!

For some reason I dont really care about what happened in the past anymore just as long as I'm okay now but this could be just my mood right now!

[annie24]

Yes - keep this mood up! Well, yeah, actually, there are girls out there that would go run out, get in the car, and drive over to a guy's place a 3 AM. You just aren't one of them

[RandomAdvisor]

I told him he was funny because he is infact, hilarious!

What did he honestly think I was going to do run out to him?!

For some reason I dont really care about what happened in the past anymore just as long as I'm okay now but this could be just my mood right now!

 

Actually, I think you'd be surprised at how many girls would jump at the chance to see him again. The same kind of women who are prone to get trapped into abusive relationships. You definitly did the right thing. Glad to hear this gave you a chance to feel better.

[Aporia]

There was no way I was going out to him. I'd have absolutley no respect for myself if I did that... and plus I was all tucked up in bed...!!

 

But now I have a bit of a problem. See the thing is we used protection every time but I'm nearly 2 weeks late which isnt that big of a deal I guess but I cant help worry that I could be....

agh I cant even say it because the thought makes me shudder *shudders*

[RayKay]

There was no way I was going out to him. I'd have absolutley no respect for myself if I did that... and plus I was all tucked up in bed...!!

 

But now I have a bit of a problem. See the thing is we used protection every time but I'm nearly 2 weeks late which isnt that big of a deal I guess but I cant help worry that I could be....

agh I cant even say it because the thought makes me shudder *shudders*

 

Well, I guess this depends how regular you normally are? If you are always 28 days apart, two weeks is a sign of something - maybe just stress but still. If you are always irregular, then it is not a big deal.

 

However, in any case, if you are two-three weeks past when you has sex with him, and late for your period, take a pregnancy test and confirm either way.

[Aporia]

I'd say its stress right? I do have have exams coming up and stuff but I definitely will get a test if this goes on for another week. I'll just have to keep distracting myself...I told my best friend a few days ago and she sounded worried which didn't help I keep telling myself to stay calm stay calm but everyday it tends to get a little bit more worrying.

[Aporia]

Its strange how things can get so negitave.

Just when I thought I was ready to forget about the whole thing....

 

I decided to buy a pregnancy test this morning before college.

Wow! It came up postitive woo hoo.

I havent cried yet.

Its like one of those times when you feel too depressed to cry and do anything for that matter.

But theres still hope isnt there I mean it could have been faulty or something.

But I dont want to be certain. I dont want to know Im so scared but I feel calm for some reason. Really calm and alone.

[RayKay]

Its strange how things can get so negitave.

Just when I thought I was ready to forget about the whole thing....

 

I decided to buy a pregnancy test this morning before college.

Wow! It came up postitive woo hoo.

I havent cried yet.

Its like one of those times when you feel too depressed to cry and do anything for that matter.

But theres still hope isnt there I mean it could have been faulty or something.

But I dont want to be certain. I dont want to know Im so scared but I feel calm for some reason. Really calm and alone.

 

Oh my.

 

Well, unfortunately false positives are extremely, extremely rare. False negatives happen, but I always hear there is no such thing as a false positive. The only time there is a positive that later shows up to be negative, is that there was a miscarriage, or due to hormone/fertility treatments.

 

The chance is about 100% you are thereforeeee pregnant, and so you have some big decisions to make now. I know that you would rather be in denial, but you can't be, because if you don't get medical care you can put your health, and this babies health at serious risk.

 

Can you talk to that friend, and get her support? And go to a clinic right away to start exploring your options and what you want to do now. Be it keeping the baby, adoption or abortion.

 

I am sorry, this is not an easy position to be in, but denial is not the answer here and you have to make some big choices that will affect the rest of your life whatever you decide in some way or another. You can do this, but don't put off accepting it and making those choices.

 

PM me if you need to talk.

[annie24]

Oh my - I second that.

 

(BIG HUG!) Ok - you may want to make an appointment at planned parenthood and they can tell you all your options. Good luck in your decision. I know no matter what, it won't be easy, but whatever you pick, I'm sure that it will be the right thing to do.

 

Good luck

[Aporia]

Okay it's been a while since I've posted in this thread probably the only place I've told the first part of it anyway.

I was pregnant but its okay now. I met up with him to tell him and it's okay now.

 

I feel so cold that I can't even type what happened onto a computer screen but I feel calm acting calm anyway for the last couple of weeks.

 

I never thought that I could look at something and feel nothing. Everything is the same bland nothing is intresting I can't really desribe it. I feel nothing anymore I dont have pity or guilt for anyone anymore. I dont care. I thought it was a phase but I guess I'm getting better since I can go on the net again and actually type this which I wouldnt have been able to do a couple of weeks ago.

 

The best way to describe this feeling is when I close my eyes into darkness I dont feel any different looking at colour. Everything is the same and I'm not scared. I got panic attacks in college so I dropped out...well I was advised it was the best thing and I guess their right.

 

I hate peple so much. I hate human nature. I hate how everyone blocks out the bad things in life because they can't face up to them. Instead they go on living a "happy" cheerful lifes blocking it out, distracting your mind.

 

But then I don't hate really its just a thought. I can't hate.

I cant remember what it feels like to be "sane" or not like this, before I ever met him and ruined everything.

 

Oh I might get better and I can tell people I'm stronger now because I've been through part of me being killed before it even gets a chance to be born but I'll always have the memory to haunt me.

 

The coldness. His coldness is now mine too.

[RayKay]

Hi Aporia,

 

I really advise you contact a counsellor (the clinic you went to initially may be able to refer you to one) as I think you are suffering a form of post-traumatic stress syndrome/depression from the choices you made. It's not an unusual thing to happen after an event like this. If you want, you can PM me and I can give you a more specific story.

 

I think you are feeling "cold" as it is currently a way for you to cope with the loss, but you are also shutting out the things that you cared about before, and I REALLY do believe that you must see a therapist/counsellor at this point.

 

Best of luck.