how to get my boyfriend to care again

[Max1]

Last night my boyfriend of 3 years and i got into a huge fight. We've had our ups and downs but this was the worst. I have never loved anyone like this before. He has always been there for me even though my problems aren't the easiest to deal with. Recently I've had so much on my mind that I haven't been in the mood for sex. We started messing around last night and I just couldn't go any further. So he flipped out called me every degrading name you could think of then kicked me out. Later he came by my house told me that he hates me and has for 3 years now and that I've drained him completely. He refused to explain himself. We argued until about 2 in the morning until I finally told him that I wasn't sexually attracted to him. I was just so tired and I didn't understand why he wouldn't talk to me like a human. And I was trying to figure out what I could say to make all of this stop but the way I did it was pretty bad. He left right after that. But I am in love with him and I am attracted to him. Things have been really hard b/c we broke up for about 4 or 5 months and only got back together a month or so ago. He was even the one who came to me saying that he was an idiot and he messed up. But lately everything has been my fault. I don't know what to do. I feel so lonely with out him around. I don't feel as if I can go on with out him. I don't even know whats going on in his mind or what the hell happened last night. I couldn't bear with it if he left me. Right now he is all that I have. So i guess I'm just wondering what anyone else would do.

[Heretic]

It's sounds to me like you're leaning on him a bit too much and he's going to abuse that. Honestly if you want him to respect you and care about you you're going to have to go out make new friends, make up with your family, do whatever it take to get extra support.

 

When you have that kind of outside backing he won't be able to push you around anymore and you should put your foot down like you did before. I can't think of a more awful reason to break up with someone, because they won't have sex with you. He won't care about you if he doesn't respect you it's that simple really.

 

Lead your own life and don't let him big a big part of it and he'll begin to see you're no just some rag-doll he can push around. If he keeps trying you should leave him, otherwise you're going to lose all your self-esteem, and he's going to be able to treat you however he wants. Don't let that happen.

 

Good luck.

[SwingFox]

Hello Max,

 

First of all welcome to eNotalone.com and thank you for coming to us for seeking advice. I am sorry to hear that you were into a huge fight with your boyfriend. I understand that you're trying to cope with a few things and that as a result you are not in the mood for making love right now. Your boyfriend got all upset over that and now two people are feeling hurt.

 

It looks like that your boyfriend is missing the intimacy you once shared together. Although you tried to be intimate with him last night, you couldn't follow through. I understand that you have a lot on your mind, but I can also understand how that makes him feel. Could it be possible that he feels rejected? Neglected? Pushed away? Try to put yourself in his place. I know that women in general feel very rejected and even unattractive when they are being pushed away like that.

 

That having said, it still doesn't solve your mutual problem. You are feeling hurt because of what he said and he still feels hurt over what you said and did (or rather did not) do. I am not sure if I have a solid suggestion for you, because I think the best way to solve this is that you start to work out your problems. You could do that either with or without him, but it does look like that he is adding more stress onto you, because of his needs and expectations.

 

Communication is the key to this problem. I suggest that you communicate to him how you feel and that you have so many problems to work out. If you love him, then tell him so. Tell him that you need him, but that (obviously) solving your issues have first priority. See where he could meet you and where to compromize. An easier way is to let him go, so that you could face your problems untied.

 

The final decision is up to you ... I hope this helps you to make a sound decision. Good luck.

 

~ SwingFox ~

[Genesis]

Max,

 

I was like you at one time, you do not sound happy in your relationship.

You sould work in finding supportive new friends. Your boyfriend does not respect you very much by the the way he treats you. All you need is yourself to be happy! Do not place all of your value of yourself in a relationship good or bad! Go to church, read your bible and pray for the strenght to be independent! Love yourself. I personally would not accept that type of behavior. If you choose to stay, he needs to respect you and you should respect him also. Relationships should not be based only on sex. He sounds kind of abusive, I would say dump him but it is you who will have to determine what you will put up with. Good Luck !D