lesbian relationship gone wrong...feeling extremely sad

[saderose]

I broke up with my girlfriend of 6 years on Halloween day. She cheated on my three times and constantly complained about my appearance. Of course we had our up and downs but I don't know why it took me years to leave her. She did give me good times. I was so dependent on her for emotional support that I forgot to take care of myself. She was my first sexual experience and first girlfriend. I was 19 and she was 20. I love still love her but not like I use to...especially after I found out about the affairs. It's like the U2 song "I can't live with or without you.." It took her a couple months to realize that I need to be loved and cherished, like I cherished her. I'm afraid to committe to anyone else because of this. I want to be her friend, but I'm not sure it will work out. I don't know how to feel because so much was lost on that day. Can anyone give me advise on how to deal with this pain? What can I do to move on much faster? Anyone out there that went through something similar?

 

Thanks for reading.

 

Sad and heart broken

[Jinx]

I do believe one of the first steps you may need to take is a no contact approach. You'll need your wounds to heal over before you can truly move on and feel like approaching another relationship.

 

It is possible that you two can establish a friendship later on if the thought of it is mutual but for the time being it would be in your best interest to be separate with minimal contact.

 

In situations as this, being exposed on a regular basis to the one who caused the pain to start out with will just extend the agony and mixed feelings about the future. No Contact may be difficult in itself but overtime will prove to be beneficial.

 

Aside of this, the only suggestions I can truly give is go out with friends. Be independent again as you were before this relationship (which may possibly sound difficult if you were dependent on her as you've spoke of). Staying in one place and thinking about what has happened will only help to hurt more. Moving around and meeting people will help ease the pain. She'll be in your mind, but if you're out enjoying yourself with others instead of wallowing in the thoughts of Why and Why Not, it will help the process right along. If your friends know of the relationship, they may too be able to help the problem and be there for you at least to listen if nothing else.

 

I'd say look on the bright side if you can. Not everyone will cheat and lie in a relationship. If you look and wait, have some patience in the mix, you will be able to find the perfect individual which is just as interested in commitment as you, yourself are. Those that cheat and such seem to be in the minority and there are many others out there which would not even consider such a thing, or at least get out of a relationship before doing so if nothing else.

[saderose]

hello,

Thank you so much for taking the time to read and reply to my ad. I appreciate the encouraging words. I will pray for something positive in my life. Everyday will be a challenge and I can't wait till the day I feel happy about moving on.

Have a great day

[BlossomPStar]

Hi Saderose! I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this. I am going through a similar situation. I just broke-off my relationship with my girl after 5 years. (She was 21 and I was 20 when we began dating - it seems that our stories are very similar in a lot of respects.) I'm in the process of moving out and I'm trying hard to get my life back on track. She never cheated on me (or me on her), but she was abusive. I don't know why it took me so long to stick up for myself and take a stand, but it did. The one thing that counts is that I'm going to get my life on track and start living a healthy, happy life. I know it won't be easy, but I'm looking forward to finding myself again.

 

Our relationship, too, was a first for both of us. She became very dependent on me (emotionally, and in a lot of other respects). She is having a hard time letting go because she is afraid of being alone and losing me forever. She is afraid of not being with me because she depended so much on me that she doesn't know how she will survive this. But she hurt me a lot and now she will have to face the consequences - being without me in her life. I have told her that perhaps in the future, once I heal and find myself again, we can be together (if she gets help, professional help, and changes her ways - we'll see there's just too much to consider and I'm not sure about anything right now), but for right now, we can only be friends.

 

I don't have everything figured out as of yet and I have no idea what it is I'm doing, but I know what I need to do and where I want to go with my life. I know that I can make it and that, with my faith, strenght, determination, and the support of friends and family, I will make it - and so will you!

 

I agree with Jinx, that was great advice. No contact might be the best way to go. Make a clean break and go with it. My situation is very complicated and for the time being no contact is out of the question - but I have told my ex that if I could get away without any contact with her, I would.

 

When you give yourself, completely, to someone you love and trust and then they break that and hurt you so much, you have to stop thinking about them and start thinking about YOU. Take some time to rekindle with yourself. I find it useful to listen to music and sometimes I like to take walks and enjoy the peacefulness of nature. Just know that you are not alone. I wish you the best. Stay strong.

 

Best wishes, Blossom

[happy1975]

hi everybody My girlfriend of 9 years just broke up with me 6 weeks ago she moved out 3 days after and it still hurts but i try my best to go on and have fun the best thing I have done is no contact. I do find myself thinking about her sometimes but i make myself stop and think that she is not thinking about me so why should i then i remember this is what she wanted to give it to her and i did noticed that i feel better when i don't know about her. If you guys want to talk or need support you can e-mail me at email removed

[saderose]

Thank you guys for the support. The more encouragement I get the stronger I feel about moving on with my life. Sometimes during the day I think about her but not to the point where I'm feeling so sad. I'm starting to think about my future and how I'm going to heal. Having any contact has definetly helped. I get tempted but then I look back at the times she cheated and lied to me. I started thinking to myself that she doesn't deserve my brain time anymore She consumed my life before not anymore...I will try my best to think about myself and my needs.

 

Thank you everyone.