Silent Coworkers

[bemyself]

Hello

 

I have this situation at work with a coworker who is giving me the silent treatment for almost 3 years. Just one day, I said "hi" like I normally do. This girl started to ignore me, and one day she totally shut me off. I really don't understand why she acts this way. Does anyone know why someone would behave this way for such a long period.

[emma34]

i'm not sure i understand. does this having something to do with infidelity or...i'm confused.

[princessleiha]

i dont know, what is the history? did you shag her rotten and then never call back? think hard, then put it out there i mean its weird if someone all of a sudden starts giving you the silent treatment when the nthing in the relationship changes.

thanks for listening, cause its only my opinion

[nikkers04]

is she like that with everyone?

[miracle29]

I too wonder why this was posted in the infidelity section. Is this girl having an affair? Does she suspect you know and may tell on her?

[yeawutever]

Yea, wut does this have to do with infidelity?

[bemyself]

Sorry. I should of posted this in the general forum. Anyway, the history about this begun 3 years ago, when we were both hired at the same time. Our boss put us on a project, and it turned out that I was doing most of the work. The boss made her the leader of the project, because she is a management person, and I am a senior clerk. I am a team player, but in a project like this, I felt that she was not contributing enough. Then, one day, I said "hi" and she clammed up and acted like I was nonexistent. This went on for a very long time, and finally the project ended. I tried to speak to her about this, but she just shut me out. Other girls in the office told me that she is very quiet to them as well.

 

After a few months, I felt that it was my duty to speak to our boss about this situation, because it was very puzzling to me. My boss told me to leave it alone, and just act normal to her. And to this day, that is what I do. I think maybe someone in the office said something to her and made her act this way to me. Oh well. Maybe it was meant to be like this.

[miracle29]

I hate to be the one to tell you (two snaps) but I am going to tell you, sometimes women just don't like other women. She could be jealous of your work ethic, intimidated by you, or she could just be (dare I say, dare I say) a snobby little b****.

 

Don't let this one monkey stop your show. You continue doing your work and dont' worry about her. I have no doubt in my mind that someone has probably spread some gossip about you, but it sounds to me like she may have been looking for a reason to have an excuse to keep her distance. I worked with a snake like this and I'm so happy to be away from her. Her keeping her distance from you may be doing you a favor. Don't bring her up again. Also since she is in managment, obviously the person who ratted you out was also in that same circle, so keep her name and anything you think about her out of your mouth. Sounds to me like you have more than one immature co-worker to worry about.

 

Do your job, don't try to make friends and go home. Keep in mind some people love keeping stuff started. You dont' want to give them anything else to use against you...trust me, they'll find enough on their own.

[bemyself]

Thanks for your wise advice. I will do just that.

[miracle29]

No problem, trust me, when you get more than two haters together, they will start creating reasons to not like you. You may be prettier then them, or they feel that you are smarter and so they feel insecure and start the gossip train. Never give them something to talk about....you did the right thing by going to that supervisor, it was the supervisor (if my gut instincts are correct) who did wrong by you. Probably mentioned it to the snake and so now you are the bad guy for just trying to do your job. Women especially are famous for finding a reason to not like another woman for the pettiest things.

 

The same woman that hated me for NO REASON besides the fact that she was full of it, tried to keep me from getting a raise and also back stabbed me and talked behind my back. Eventually the whole staff got to see what a complete loser she was.

[arwen]

I moved this post to Career because it deals with co-workers.

 

I'd simply ask her. Not in e-mail, if things are bad, she might send your e-mail to other people. Maybe ask her to have lunch together and see if she can act normal, otherwise just ask her.

 

Good luck,

 

Ilse

[teacup]

yes. the girl coworkers at my work used to gossip about about what i wore and about me. they all hated me.

 

and the guys would tell me this and tell me that they were just jealous.

 

and they probably were jealous because god knows i didnt do anything to them or say bad things about them like they were doing to me.

 

girls can be catty and cruel for stupid reasons.

[shes2smart]

Other girls in the office told me that she is very quiet to them as well.

 

Not everyone is outgoing and friendly and social. Some people are just more quiet and introverted and less social.

 

I believe you may be making a mistake in taking her behavior personally. If she is like that with others, that may just be the way she is. It is also quite possible that she's of the opinon that "work is work and personal is personal and the two should never mix"...which is an attitude that would tend to keep one more low-key and reserved at work.

 

I have gotten asked that "why do you hate me?" question from previous co-workers, and I don't hate them at all. Most of the time, I am just so focused on the job I am being paid to do that I don't want to chit-chat. Due to some unpleasant past experiences, I also tend to keep a fairly thick wall between work & personal life, which does tend to shut off many topics of conversation. I don't come to work to talk about my non-work life, and I don't want to hear about my co-worker's non-work lives, either. If I want to talk about my personal life, I have friends, a husband, and a shrink to talk to.

 

Sometimes people treat us in a certain way because of something we've done or said to them. However, I really think that most of the time we overestimate our overall importance to the situation and the truth of it is, people behave the way they're behaving for reasons that have absolutely nothing to do with anything about us and everything about them.

[Dannysgirl]

Shes2smart, I am exactly like you, I don't like to chit chat or gossip with the women in the office and I especially don't want to b*tch about the co-workers that are on vacation that day!

I have had many problems is different offices because of this, I don't understand why people would take such an offence to me keeping my private life private and refusing the gang up on on other members of staff when they not there.

When anybody does that it makes me think 'well if she says that about her when she's not here, what on earth does she say about ME?' which is why I never partake in such behaviour not to mention the immaturity of it.

 

I'm very much a person who likes to be alone and I have known people to get weird with me because I might have spoken to them a couple of times on my way way to work on the bus, but mostly would rather just listen to my ipod!

 

Some people are just very quiet and if she's like that with everyone then its probably just who she is and I wouldn't let it bother you. However if she was different with you at one time and is more open and friendly with everyone else I would just simply ask her whats bugging her. Just say 'have I done something to upset you, because I've noticed you are not as friendly as you used to be.'

[PlayBrat]

Hi...

 

I work with someone who is quiet...a woman. I have learned to appreciate this quality about her since so many others ARE so "gossipy" and chit chatty....Maybe one day you could mention this to her. I think it could just be the way she is...and you may be taking it personal. I learned to just accept my co worker as she is and not assume the worst simply because she isn't talking my ear off....

 

Just my opinion...

[miracle29]

Wait a minute, did I miss something? I could have sworn that this post said "She didnt pull her weight at work, then I complained to a supervisor and after that she started acting funny".

 

 

I don't think this is the case of the "shy, quiet co-worker" I think this is the case of the "she told on me so now i'm going to be rude and give her the silent treatment". Again, i'd give anything to work with women who didnt talk so damn much. Oh how I wish I had the "silent" co-worker. THe less they say the better.

[bemyself]

Hello,

 

Wait a minute. That "silent coworker" is rude and doesn't acknowledge some people in the office. She does talk. She belongs to a click. When I met her, we got along very well, until we had to work on a project together. I know I didn't do anything wrong, and so I have nothing to be concern. I'm just glad that we don't have to work together anymore. At work, when I work with others, I treat people with respect, and I hope to get the same in return. You know, there are just some people who are just plain difficult to work with. And, it is too bad that I had to work with someone like that.