he stared at me, gave me #, not calling back

[ninjagirl]

What does it mean when a guy gives you his number but doesn't take yours?

 

I met someone at a bar last weekend. We were both in Halloween costumes--he as a cowboy and me as Lara Croft in a black vinyl bodysuit. As my friends and I were dancing, they saw him looking at me and I tried to catch his eye (I'm not great at the eye contact/flirting thing but am practicing...). At one point, he walked past me and (according to friend) turned around and totally stared at me as I was dancing. (Friends who tell me I'm "gorgeous" said I looked particularly stunning in that costume).

 

So...because I am not good at hanging out at the bar alone so that I can more easily be approached...I just went up and introduced myself. He admitted he was looking at me...he bought me a drink, said he liked my costume, and we chatted for 20 mins. The club closed, he seemed to like me and asked for a big hug goodbye and a kiss (on the cheek), and then he took my cell phone and inputted his #, saying "I know I'm not supposed to give you my number, but..." I got a good vibe from him, or so I thought.

 

So I called him a few days later, on Halloween, saying I was going into the city for Halloween festivities and maybe we could both meet up there for a drink or something. I left my number. No response since. Why would he stare at me like that if he wasn't interested...?

 

Did I misread the attraction? Could it be that he was intimidated? We're in similar fields (media) and somehow it came up that I have a black belt in karate (stemming from a Lara Croft joke) and have worked at some big name places... I was reading about some don't like dating someone with a better CV than them...

 

Or should I call again, and just say "Hey, I would love to see you again sometime," in case he's shy and not sure if I'm interested.

 

THANKS!!!! You guys are the best!

[emptyinside]

give him a few days, in case of disaster.

 

unless he is occupying your every waking thought. then continue the pursuit.

 

avoidant behavior displayed early means (in my best guess) he will become very attached very quickly, then when you begin to love him in return, the avoidant child will come out again.

 

i think your sexiness deserves more than a cowboy.

 

then again, he might just be playing you. i would be creeped out by that sort of behavior (call me, but don't call me), but then again, i'm a dude.

[DiscipleOfChange]

Well, I suppose that there are guys out there who would give you there number and then drop it for no reason....

 

I think that its far more likely he's just been busy. Oftentimes, with attraction, one person is more interested than the other at the beginning and as such has the other person on their mind more often. It's been long enough. I'd say call him back and close with your proposed message.

[ninjagirl]

Aww...thanks! He _was_ cute, though.

[chai714]

Ninja,

Don't give up after 1 call. Give it a week, and call again at a different time. If then he doesn't respond, delete his number.

 

These kinds of things happen. Now you know what it feels like to be a guy. So, you just take the good with the bad, and move on to the next. Good luck.

[miracle29]

Ninja girl, first off, Kudos on the sexy Laura Croft Costume. I too was going to go as her, but then realized that I am still 7 months pregnant and so that costume was out. INstead I decided to try going as a Pumpkin. I already had the stuffin right? hehe

 

Moving on, there are a multitude of reasons this guy may have done this. The number one thing my mother taught me and I thank God she did, is that men sometimes get womens numbers just to see if they still have it. He may have well been married or even had a girlfriend and that sexy Angelina Jolie thing you did turned him on, and he just had to see if he could score. He may or may not ever call you. I would not sweat this or this guy if I was you. I would not chase him or try to over initiate contact because his not calling you could be saving you from something. Everything happens for a reason, and I find it hard to believe someone brave enough to wear the Laura Croft costume could ever be so shy but the good news is, you keep being the sexy Diva you are and many a cowboy will come your way. My advice in a nutshell is don't force this, he may have many reasons for not calling, but you forcing it would be a mistake.

[melrich]

Kudos on the sexy Laura Croft Costume. I too was going to go as her, but then realized that I am still 7 months pregnant and so that costume was out. INstead I decided to try going as a Pumpkin.

 

LOL...sorry to hijack the thread.

[miracle29]

Hey I'll have you know, people thought I was a mighty cute round pumpkin. LOL

[ninjagirl]

Everything happens for a reason, and I find it hard to believe someone brave enough to wear the Laura Croft costume could ever be so shy but the good news is, you keep being the sexy Diva you are and many a cowboy will come your way.

 

Thanks for the encouragement, Pumpkin. I bet a pregnant Lara Croft would have been a sight to see, though!

 

Have you found in your experience that there have been a lot of guys who've done the "get the number for the sake of getting it" ego thing? Guys, what do you think? Is this common?

[miracle29]

Yes and Sadly, before I was married, a man did this to me. I chased and chased him until my mother had to slap some sense into me. Come to find out, he had a wife and kids. He was just trying to see if he still had it. I was hurt but not as hurt as his wife would have been if he actually persued me. So even though my pride was hurt, i was a little releived that he was not interested and only doing it as an ego boost. If I would have known he was married, the only number he would have gotten from me would have been the nearest memorial hospital. But thats just me.

 

 

Some men get drunk, get numbers and then forget where they put them, or why they got them, or who the woman is. Thats something else i forgot to mention. Either one of these points to one thing "something may be keeping you two apart for a reason, and a darn good one".

[melrich]

"get the number for the sake of getting it" ego thing? Guys, what do you think? Is this common?

 

Maybe for a teenager but not in their 30s.

[PavPPZ1]

yea, he will call u back, or he wouldnt give you his #, its possibly some kind of an extra ordinary situation or you have a wrong #. Regardless try to call one more time. see what happens if no response most likely somek ind of misunderstanding.

 

GL

[Belle]

Ninja,

 

I agree with Miracle. You can't keep chasing this guy or you'll be forcing a square peg in a round hole. He should have been a man and gotten your number in teh first place. Be patient and let him pursue you. You've done more than your share at this point and if he's interested enough he'll call you back. If not, he was just looking to stroke his ego.

 

Also, as bold as you were to approach him, I think it was a mistake. Guys who really like you don't have any problem knocking on your door and you take the mystery and chase out of it by doing it. It's like telling a guy he just won a sporting event where he didn't have to show up. No fun that way.

 

Just my two cents. I hate to see women make rookie mistakes that only bring about confusion and disappointment.

 

Best of luck,

 

Belle

[ninjagirl]

Just an overdue update...I waited a week, called again, and he_did_ call back. We've been in touch ever since, and will probably meet up when I'm back from traveling.

 

Could be there are some cities where women are expected to be more aggressive...at least seems like that might be the way here in NY.

 

In any case, it was an interesting experiment...

[saren]

Wow, that's great!

 

TBH, I was leaning towards "he won't call back" -- I had it happen to be with a drunk, cute guy in a pub. I wasn't devastated, because I realised he was drinking, and drinking people sometimes are silly.

 

Best of luck!

[Msnak]

Ninjagirl--thanks for the update! Really love finding out what happens in some scenarios! Glad to know it worked out for you thus far.

 

You're right about the aggressive girl thing--I think most guys in their teens to early 30s really like aggressive girls. Of course, we're still in that traditional mindset that women are s'posed to wait for the guy to show interest, do the calling, ask us out, etc.

 

But in some cases, if the guy never does it, or is too shy or uncertain, things will never get started!

[ninjagirl]

I thought I would post an update here because it shows that when someone doesn't call back, sometimes it really doesn't have anything to do with you!

 

So. The dude and I called each other back on and off for awhile. A little over a week ago, we met up again. He'd cut his hair and was not in costume--not nearly as cute as I remembered.

 

But I found out some things about that night. When we met the 2nd time, he admitted he gave me his number because he was afraid of getting rejected.

 

Two, he said he remembered that I was totally hot. And he still waited for me to call him twice! (He had strep throat that week). But he said he was also very drunk that night and did not remember everything we talked about. Hence the delay in responding maybe.

 

Three, once we started going out, he was putty in my hands. Now I feel bad because he's more into it than me, and he seems like a really sweet guy, telling me he really liked me and thought I was beautiful, trying to get me to sleep over and offering to cook breakfast the next day. But I'm just not feeling that attracted to him (even though I was the first two times). Weird, hunh? I think it is a smell thing--or seeing a really ugly sweater on him this last time--that turned me off.

 

Four, he said no woman had ever come up to him in a bar and talked to him like that! He was really glad I did. Even though we met in a bar, he said he's also usually quite shy. He hadn't been with anyone for a year.

 

Interesting, hunh? So if the person's not calling back...it could have nothing to do with you! Could be they were too drunk, they had a girlfriend, they lost the number...they weren't worth it...