Parents against my boyfriend... please help

[jpr500]

I am deeply in love with my boyfriend... we've been together for a short time, that of 5 months, but the love is very strong... when we first started been together I was just living with my mother... my mother already did not like him, not because of who he is but because he was of another race and she thought he was of a lower class (which is just crap)... very unfair reasons not to like somebody, but then again she got over it.... now my father has come back to live with us... my father had absolutely no problem with him... none at all, he was very nice to him... but then they found out he has a child... my boyfriend's child lives in canada with his mother... he does take responsibility for the child... and I don't c how his child can affect my life at this point... my parents are making me pick between them and him.. I find it completely ridiculous... they are judging this boy for the sole fact that he has a child (a complete accident which cannot be turned back)... they're making my life quite a living hell... my father has me threatened... statements such as 'if i c him in this house I will kill him'... I WILL NOT BREAK UP with my boyfriend for such a stupid and unfair reason... this boy has done nothing wrong to me!!!! nothing!!!!!... I understand they are not happy he has a child, but they do not have to take it this far... let me make my decisions and see the consequences to it!... I am not even 18 yet... soon enough I will be... I'd really appreciate some comments, advice, etc... I reallly need it.. thanks

[SeaBisquit]

my parents do the same to me. i finally told them that they are the ones that raised me and that they should now that i know better than to date someone that they would not approve of.

[DN]

This is very hard for you caught between two sets of people that you love. But remember that they love you and are doing what they think is in your best interests. They are not doing it well, and are over-reacting in the way they are doing it but they are not doing it to wreck your life - just the opposite.

 

If you can understand why they are doing it then it will help you deal with it.

 

The first thing is - don't confront them angrily, don't do anything that will make them think you are just 'having a tantrum' - you will feel you are being strong and an adult - they will think you are acting like a child.

 

Be calm, sensible and firm. Tell them that you love them and that you respect their opinions (leave aside the snob racist bit, arguing that won't help you) Then say you are reaching a point in your life where you have to make your own decisions and this is one of them. Say that you are not going to do anything silly like elope or get pregnant. Tell them that your boyfriend deserves respect for taking financial care of his child and you admire him for that - it is one of the things you love about him.

 

Tell them his other qualities and ask them to get on your side and help you through this part of your life by respecting your judgment and maturity. Tell them you will ask their advice if you need it but right now you are sure you know what you want and what you are doing.

 

Calm, respectful and loving are the keywords. And mature expression of how you feel and what you are going to do. No tears.

[PavPPZ1]

Wow, there is no easy answer to this question. I will flat out say that your parents are acting very stupid by saying for you th choose between your boyfriend and them. What do you think will happen if you choose your BF? Honestly taht is the correct choice, because in an ideal situation it should make your parents realize that they are wrong in saying that. They would see how serious you are in your decision.

 

Life is not fair sometimes, but having a child at a young age is only a good thing, its only bad when youcant raise and support the child and they die or wind up on the streeets. Its admirable when somenoe has a child and supporst them, it shows their responsiblity, courage, selflessness, and so much more. Its sad to see that sometimes parents can be so shalow in their understanding of their own kids and life. I only hope its a scare tactic, please find out more and give us some feed back

 

Good luck

[jpr500]

Well... I tried talking to my mother... and it was a failed mission once again.. I've given up on them... and I still do not want to break up with him for them.. It's stupid... he has done nothing wrong... their attitudes towards me are completely sickening... but I know how they think and I can use that against them... but all I can do is give time, time... I've been doing a lot of thinking... It might sound crazy to a lot of people... but it makes quite a lot of sense to me... I haven't told my boyfriend yet... I don't know what he'll say... I want to elope... but I want it to happen so that the bond between us becomes stronger specially with these troubled times and so we can become patient until the time is right to come out with it and build a future together... nobody would know until the time is right... but meanwhile... forgetting that... all I can do is wait and see... I will not reject my boyfriend whom I love for them... it's not about me picking between them, it's about they respecting my decision and me seeing the consequences to it (if there r)... they have given some very negative predictions of my future and it has started to sicken me.. but then again I know myself and I know what is right for me...

[confused74]

You should becareful because your boyfriend may have more then 1 child to other women. He might owe alot of money to child support.

You will regret sooner or later. Your heart will be broken in 4.

Broken in 2 is better then 4. I wouldn't continue this relationship.

He should be able to support both of you.