A little encouragement for those who are hurting

[crashin]

It feels like years ago that my ex and I broke up. It was last December when I screwed up for the last time and she gave me my walking papers. I was devistated! Couldnt eat sleep, or do anything for that matter without thinking of her. We had been together for over 3 yrs and for the most part things were great. I tried and tried again to get her back, sending flowers writing letters and doing the begging thing. Obviously it didnt work, because it never does. In about late January she tells me she is seeing someone else, and for all of you who are going through that you know this feels like the end of the world.

 

That was actually the best thing that could have happened to me. I have always kept myself in good shape, but working out became the thing I used to make myself feel better. So I was getting into great shape for the summer. I also started NC after finding out about her new man. I had my good days but also had many bad ones. Gradually the good ones started becoming more frequent. The only really bad one that I can really remember was when I saw her out with her new man, which was about 4 months after the break up.

 

Well, fast forward to the beginning of june. I was feeling alot better about myself and the way my life was going. Then I meet the most beautiful woman, who I now have been dating for the last 5 months. She is the best thing that ever happened to me, and I couldnt be happier. I was not looking for a new gf, and was really happy being single but I guess that is when it happens, when your not looking.

 

Well, in July my ex calls me for the first time since about mid feb and asks me to meet her for a drink. I was a little hesitant at first but against my better judgement I agreed. It was the weirdest thing, I felt nothing. We talked and got alot of things out, but to tell you the truth I could have gone without it. I told her about my gf and she told me she was still seeing the same guy....again, nothing. We then parted ways and that is when the calls started coming.

 

She began calling almost every other day "just to see how things were going." At first I didnt really care to much about it but when she tells me she thinks we should get back together, I had to put an end to it. I told her how happy I was and didnt think we should talk because we were never friends before the relationship and we shouldnt be after. Thankfully she stopped the calling after a tearful ending on her part.

 

To all of you who are hurting, just take your time. Feel the pain, go through the mourning process, trust me you will get over it and find someone new and better. I used to read all of these posts day in and day out until about mid may. That is when I was starting to get back to my old self. Just wanted to help anyone who is going through what I did. Goodluck .

[Ant5157]

Wow Congrats Man. I am looking forward to the move on myself. I started the NC on yesterday. I know its hard to resist but like I was thinking I have to get myself on sort of a plan to keep myself busy to keep my ex off my mind. I wish you well in your next relationship!

[needhelp]

How do you guys do it. My ex and I broke up yesterday after many months of pure hell. He is able to not contact me.. Me on the other hand.I cant handle it.

I try NC but i end up looking at my phone for ages. Then messaging him.

Does this mean he has stopped caring??

How do i stop..Tell me how you guys stop the hurt. From a males point of view is it easier?? Do you just block the feelings?

I still love him..wish this would pass..

Good on you both..

My question after all that (sorry) after 3 years didnt it really break u to not talk to her everyday..assuming you did while u were together. Did it not shock u that she was dating only a short period after you split?

[J a m e s]

Hi needhelp

 

im a male, and i am/have been going through hell.

 

i was with my ex for 6yrs, lived together 2yrs and we just split out the blue. I had to leave the house and move back in with my parents. As you can imagine i was an emotional wreck. This happened 9 weeks ago. 6 weeks into the split i met her, as she wanted to see me...nothing really sparked or happened, she just text after we had parted she was seeing someone else and i guess still is now.

 

at this point i told her to never contact me again, which she managed for 2 weeks, then broke it a week later. this really hurt and set me back, as im trying to clear my head and heal.

 

i dont think it is any easier for a male or female, but what you will have to do is concentrate on yourself and take time out to heal.

this is what i have realised.

 

i think of my ex everyday, it consumes me at times and i just get down, this is because i am trying to think what she is thinking...does she miss, does she care. i dont know if she does or not, but what would it achieve knowing if she did?

 

if she did care that much about me, i wouldnt be posting here.

 

you can do NC, you just need to be strong. it really does help you heal. it just takes time, no one in this world can just switch off emotions and stop loving someone in a day, or stop caring...it just gets shifted to another level.

 

i feel i have come so far since first posting on this forum, and im sure you will look back on your posts in a months time and feel the same.

 

try and remain strong, and if you feel weak and down come to this forum as everyone here cares, and is there for you.

[moondog627]

I don't think it's any easier if you're a guy. Broke up with my ex 3 months ago (NC for 2 months) after 2 years together. In my mind she was the one. The first two months were absolute hell. The past few weeks have been getting a LOT better. What helped me was rediscovering my passion for cycling. And I've been working out a lot again. It's become an addiction really, to the point where I've now lost 25 lbs in the past 3 months. A nice side effect from all this is boosted confidence and more interest from the opposite sex, which always makes things better. And while I feel a lot better now, I know I would be crushed if I saw her in person (even if she was alone). The urge was almost unbearable at times to call her. But I just thought about how it would be if the situation was reversed. If I had dumped her she NEVER would have called me. So why the hell should I call her? And sure it hurts when you go from spending so much time together with someone to having a complete void (especially coming up now with the holidays) but it DOES get better. Don't try to block the feelings, just let them flow. The sadness and pain is not never-ending. Before you know it you'll be thinking about them less and less.

[bytheway]

To all of you who are hurting, just take your time. Feel the pain, go through the mourning process, trust me you will get over it and find someone new and better. I used to read all of these posts day in and day out until about mid may. That is when I was starting to get back to my old self. Just wanted to help anyone who is going through what I did.

 

"DO NOT worry about yesterday

DO NOT worry about the future, because it is a mystery...

ENJOY today to the fullest, because it is a "gift"

That is why it is called the "Present"

[Frank1607307300]

Very encouraging and congrats! I'm trying to reach that plateau myself and very confident that I will. Nice post! =D>

[crashin]

needhelp,

I was devistated when my ex broke up with me. I never thought I would get over her, and basically obsessed about it everyday for several months. When I found out she was with someone else it made things 10x worse. I would always wonder if she missed me, what she was doing, was she with him. Slowly the feeling of sadness faded, but it takes time! The things that helped me the most were NC and working out. It is really tough to go from talking to someone everyday and knowing that they care for you, to NC and not knowing how they feel. Unfortunetly this happens and you just have to plow through it.

 

You will be happy again, it just takes time. I never thought I would be happy again, but I am happier now than I was when I was with my ex. They say love is blind, and that is very true. There are probably alot of things you dislike about your ex but you are blocking them out. Once you begin to move past this you will see he is not your knight in shining armor! Good luck and if you need to talk, shoot me a message.

[Yowser_76]

It is really tough to go from talking to someone everyday and knowing that they care for you, to NC and not knowing how they feel.

 

AMEN TO THAT!!!

 

I can honestly say this is the hardest and most hurtful thing I've been through. To think that my ex doesn't even miss me and doesn't want to see me after nearly five years together is heartbreaking. I pray that it will get easier and that one day he'll realise what he's lost. [-o

[crashin]

I really believed my ex just stopped feeling anything for me, and that was really a tough pill to swallow. I just wanted her to realize what she was losing. One thing I learned later on was that she was feeling the same things I was. She told me she was missing me and going through the same emotions . The difference was she jumped into a relationship and that helped supress the pain.

 

I understand how hard it is to not call. I failed at NC the first few times I tried, but I finally realized calling or contacting was getting me no where. Just try and be stong. You are human so if do fail at NC a couple times, thats okay, just start over.

 

What is funny(for lack of a better word) about NC is that when the ex finally calls, you have moved on. At least that is what happened to me. I was counting the days of NC, and I knew it worked when I lost track of how long it had been.

 

At this point I almost feel bad for my ex because when she finally realized breaking up with me was a mistake, I had already moved on. I hope NC can work for you as well as it did for me.

[Frank1607307300]

I love this post!

[sukerbut]

YEA I DECIDED THE NC RULE AS OF YESTERDAY..I GAVE THIS STUPID BIZATCH EVERYTHING..LOVE COMPASSION..GIFTS TRIPS...IN JULY SHE OIS TELLING ME WE ARE GOING TO GET MARRIED AND DONT BREAK MY HEART TAKE THE BITC HH TO COSTARICA IN AUG..LATE SEPT..SHE DECIDES SHE IS BORED AND DOES NOT QOUTE ON QOUTE LOVE ME LIKE I LOVE HER...HERE IS THE KICKER I TEST HER BY TELLING HER LET S BE FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS AND THE HO SAIS YES...I WAS JUST TESTING HER TO SEE HOW MUCH SHE REALLY LOVED ME..WHEN SOME ONE LOVES YOU THEY DONT WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS THEY WANT TO MOVE ON..NEEDLESS TO SAY I SAW HER A COUPLE OF TIMES AND DECIDED THIS IS NOT GOING TO WORK..SO I ENEDED IT...SHE CALLED ME LAST WEEK..AND FOR A QUICK MOMENT I GOT HAPPY..LIKE A LOSER..SHE WANTED TO KNOW IF I WAS GOING TO THE HALOWEEN PARTY MY COUSIN WAS THROWIN..I HAD ALREADY TOLD HER NO..BUT SHE WANTED TO MAKE SURE...MY GUT KNEW WHY SHE WAS CALLING BUT BEING A FOOL IN LOVE I THOUGHT SHE MIGHT BE disappointED THAT SHE WAS NOT GOING TO SEE ME..HAHAH WHAT A FRIGGIN LOSER..SHE WAS THERE WITH HER EX BOYFRIEND WITH THE LIMP DIK WHO DUMPED HER OVER THE PHONE AFTER HTEY DATED 6 MONTHS(I GAVE HER EVERYTHING AND THIS IS WHOM SHE WANTS TO BE WITH..KNOOCK YOURSELF OUT YOU HO!!)...AS MUCH AS I LOVE HER I LOVE MYSELF TO MUCH TO BE PLAYED BY SUCH A LOSER..SHE DOES NOT DESERVE MY LOVE OR MY ATTENTION..I HAVE TURNED TO THE GYM AS MY STRESS RELIEF..I HOPE I CAN KEEP THE NC WORKING FOREVER BECUASE SHE IS A CANCER AND WILL ALWAYS BE ACANCER..SO HAVE FUN WITH YOUR LIMP DIK AND LEVE ME THE FUK ALONE..GOOD LUCK STAY STRONG AND STAY AWAY...