she was hurt in the past

[justme123]

I met this girl and I've been hanging out with her for about two weeks. I like her a lot and would like to be her boyfriend very much. I know she likes me but she won't let herself like me as more than a friend. Her boyfriends in the past have cheated on her and hurt her badly. Her last boyfriend she trusted the most and so he hurt her the most in the end. She won't let herself like me as more than a friend, even though I would never hurt her. She doesn't love herself.

 

She wants me to just be there for her and hug her and kiss her on the forehead and hold her hand, etc. but not be her boyfriend and not expect anymore than to just be the one who is there to let her know that everything is ok.

 

The problem is that I like her as more than a friend and I want more than anything to be in a relationship with her as her boyfriend and get her to trust me and let down her walls and feel safe that I'm not going to hurt her like every other boy has.

 

I don't know what to do. I can't be just her friend and do just those things that she needs from me. I want to be in a relationship and I want her to reciprocate my feelings. I think she potentially would like me that way but because of how she was hurt in the past she is afraid of getting hurt again.

 

I don't know what I should do. I like her very much and don't want to let her go, but at the same time I can't be just a friend to her when I want more than that because I'm just going to end up liking her even more and if things aren't going further it will cause me extreme frustration at the hopelessness of the situation. I don't want to get hurt either.

 

Any advice?

[PavPPZ1]

Spend time with her,and treat her with love and respect, if its meant to be it will naturally go in that direction;l

[heloladies21]

You know what you gotta do. Her previous relationships have nothing to do with you. If she really liked you, she would want to be your gf. Don't settle for a friendship when you want a relationship. This will just make things harder for you and keep you frustrated.

[justme123]

Thanks so much for the responses!

 

PavPPZ1 - I have been spending time with her and I do treat her with love and respect. It has naturally gone in that direction, but she is stopping herself from letting things happen naturally.

 

heloladies21 - I will not settle for a friendship when I want a relationship. She is afraid of a relationship though because of what her ex-boyfriend(s) did to her. She seems to go back and forth between being afraid of a relationship and simply not wanting a relationship.

 

She has been in many more relationships than me. Probably up in the double digits, whereas I have had only one previous relationship. I was in love with my ex-girlfriend and she broke my heart. It causes me to assume rejection and perhaps that has caused me to push a relationship with this new girl.

 

I wish I could convince her that it would be safe to take a risk with me, because I would not be reckless with her feelings, and I have told her as much.

[kellbell]

I agree with heloladies on this one. True, we ALL get screwed and hurt in past relationships but it should not dictate the rest of our lives or carry on into future relationships. It's not fair to her any other person who wants to be with her, like you. I always believe that one must come to terms with one's past and accept it before he or she can move on. Apparently, she has not begun to deal with this so it's no use trying to be her boyfriend. I would not wait for her, date others who are not battling their pasts and able to offer more than friendship.

[Dating Coach]

You know what you gotta do. Her previous relationships have nothing to do with you. If she really liked you, she would want to be your gf. Don't settle for a friendship when you want a relationship. This will just make things harder for you and keep you frustrated.

 

This person has it right. Justme, this girl is full of it. Okay, maybe she was hurt in the past, but you know what? She is still lying to you. If she wanted to be with you, she would. What she is telling you is her excuse. What is the result of her excuse? You are not dating her. Her excuse brought about the result of you two not actually dating. That's her answer. I've told you guys many many times on here to not listen to what she is saying but what she is doing. What are her actions? What are the results of those actions?

 

Here is what happened. You told her you wanted to be more then friends,. She gave you an answer. You are not more than friends. That's it. It really is simple to figure this stuff out guys, the only problem that so many guys run into is that they pay too much attention to the excuse.

[PavPPZ1]

Diggity is right, always look to the simpleranswer as the correct one, what she issaying doesnt make sense. Even if you do begin dating its only if she accepts the fact that you are so nice and she should date you eventhough initially she thought you were not dating material for her.

 

Dont get down move on if thats the case