HellFrost666 Posted October 21, 2005 Share Posted October 21, 2005 I guess I just need to vent about some things... When I met my girlfriend she was (and still is) married. She is now in the process of a divorce. (If anyone is interestred, the whole story is chronicled here in my passed posts...) Over the last few months I have really come to love her. She is everything I have always looked for. I even asked her to come with me back home in January so my family can meet her. But I haven't told her I love her yet. I am sure she can see it in my actions though. She hasn't said it to me either. I haven't been in a lot of relationships. (Only three, and that's counting her). With my two ex girlfriends the L word was used, but they were always the first ones to say it. My feelings for my current girlfriend are so much stronger then anything I've ever felt before. But when the time comes I just don't know how to actually say it to her. Sex is another thing with us... When I met her we slept together right away. Yes, I know this was bad. But at the time it was more about lust. I was attracted to her and really liked her, but since she was married I was doubtful anything would ever come of it. When she moved out of her husband's place and into her sister's house things started getting more serious between us. It was my idea to hold back and not sleep with her again until the divorce is final. Now this is another thing I am nervous about. I think about it all the time. I wasn't really that nervous the first time, but I place so much more importance on our second time. I know this is probably hard for most people to understand. I just keep thinking what if I somehow screw it up. These are two things weighing on my mind right now. I stated in the beginning of this post that I was just venting, but now I feel like I really do need some advice... Link to comment
melrich Posted October 21, 2005 Share Posted October 21, 2005 Don't worry about the sex thing. In the unlikely event that you do not "perform" to your usual standards she will forgive you. I mean if your relationship was only as good as your last performance we'd all be walking around with severe stress. Saying the L word is tricky. I am sure you feel it, I'd just say to you be sure as you can be that she is at the same stage before saying it. I don't normally think there should be too many rules or too much planning around our interactions but in this case I think it's important. Saying "I love you" to someone who does not feel that way yet can be damaging. But in your heart you will know how she will respond. My guess is that you are pretty safe. Link to comment
HellFrost666 Posted October 21, 2005 Author Share Posted October 21, 2005 I agree that things like this shouldn't be planned, but there are always exceptions. I really think she feels the same way about me. She might not be saying it because she's afraid like I am. Link to comment
darkblue Posted October 21, 2005 Share Posted October 21, 2005 She was in a marriage and probably still doesn't feel the same about 'love'. I agree with Melrich, you must be careful that you are both at the same stage. But when you do feel comfortable saying it - there are no restrictions. As for sex. I'm sure you'll be fine. You have already slept with her; so she knows what you're like in bed. Nothing to worry about. Link to comment
HellFrost666 Posted October 21, 2005 Author Share Posted October 21, 2005 I agree with Melrich, you must be careful that you are both at the same stage. But when you do feel comfortable saying it - there are no restrictions. It's knowing for sure that's the hard part. Link to comment
Cynder Posted October 22, 2005 Share Posted October 22, 2005 Yes, knowing is the hard part, but you said she can probably see it in your actions... can you see it in hers? Like your signature pic by the way... Link to comment
HellFrost666 Posted October 22, 2005 Author Share Posted October 22, 2005 Thats a good point. I think I see it in her actions, or I hope I do anyway. She stays here and sleeps in my bed probably four nights a week. She comes to see me at work... But aside form all the trivial things I can see it on a deeper level. It's still hard though because I don't want to scare her away. My signature, yea, that's me as a South Park character. My friend made it. Link to comment
Shadows Light Posted October 24, 2005 Share Posted October 24, 2005 Ok... Hellfrost.. I know I read this.. and I didn't answer because I was deep in thought about it. Its a toughy. Looking at it from your GF's point of view.. not knowing her and trying to put myself in her shoes. We both had abusive husbands... sooooooo.... Would I want to hear it??? If you really feel it. If thats how you feel.. yes.. you should tell her. Understand that it opens you up and makes you vulnerable. Becuase, what if she feels deeply for you ...but doesn't want to use the almighty "L" word for the emotion she feels. The think I struggle with. Is asking myself "what is Love" and what does it really mean. What does it mean to "LOVE" someone. And I'm not talking about the butterflies in the belly and we have great sex and I feel great when I am around you.."but what is the definition of Love"... lol. And if someone told me that they "loved me" what does that mean to me? I mean.. my X said he did. And he said he still does... and yet he was abusive to me. hmmmm... that brand of love.. I don't need to subscribe to. As a woman whose walked out of that type of relationship... I'd guard myself a bit more and I'd be a bit more careful about how much I invest myself with the next person. lol. So what you are getting is a lot of baggage. LOL. What should you do??? I think you should tell her. lol. And... grin.. if it was me. I'd say, what does that mean? Why do you love me? and what is your definition of love? YIKES... but thats just me Hellfrost.. So don't get your knickers in a twist here. I think you should tell her...if its in your chest and bursting to come out. I don't think you should withhold. And if you are afraid of her "RUN" reaction... be prepared to answer...that its something YOU needed to say to her. Its something that YOU needed to give her...and get out on the table. Yes, you'd like to hear that she feels the same way about her...but all in good time..and when she's ready. And tell her that... you needed to tell her because your soul is about to explode if you don't get it out. And from her... being with her.. having her company. And being the one she allows into her life... then thats enough for you for right now. Then maybe... the pressure will not be on her so much to return it.. and... you will have said what needs to be said for you. Who knows.. you may be surprised...and she just tells you too. This is a tough one for me HELL FROST.. lol.. am struggling with that "WHAT IS LOVE" thing myself. lol. And yes.. you can PM me anytime.. I thought I'd answered this one.. cause I know it got me to thinking. Link to comment
Shadows Light Posted October 24, 2005 Share Posted October 24, 2005 Yes, knowing is the hard part, but you said she can probably see it in your actions... By the way. Actions speak louder than words. Those 3 words.. mean nothing without the actions. all the little things, every day. 24/7... Link to comment
HellFrost666 Posted October 24, 2005 Author Share Posted October 24, 2005 And if someone told me that they "loved me" what does that mean to me? I mean.. my X said he did. And he said he still does... and yet he was abusive to me. hmmmm... that brand of love.. I don't need to subscribe to. As a woman whose walked out of that type of relationship... I'd guard myself a bit more and I'd be a bit more careful about how much I invest myself with the next person. lol. So what you are getting is a lot of baggage. LOL. Good point, her ex said it to her too, but I'm sure he said it to a few other people while they were together. What should you do??? I think you should tell her. lol. And... grin.. if it was me. I'd say, what does that mean? Why do you love me? and what is your definition of love? YIKES... but thats just me Hellfrost.. So don't get your knickers in a twist here. Don't worry, I don't wear knickers. I think you should tell her...if its in your chest and bursting to come out. I don't think you should withhold. And if you are afraid of her "RUN" reaction... be prepared to answer...that its something YOU needed to say to her. Its something that YOU needed to give her...and get out on the table. Yes, you'd like to hear that she feels the same way about her...but all in good time..and when she's ready. And tell her that... you needed to tell her because your soul is about to explode if you don't get it out. And from her... being with her.. having her company. And being the one she allows into her life... then thats enough for you for right now. You are a genius... I probably won't use those same words, but I'll get the point accross, I always do. And yes.. you can PM me anytime.. I thought I'd answered this one.. cause I know it got me to thinking. Yea, forgive me for that...Thas's exactly why I should stay off the computer after I've had a few. Link to comment
Shadows Light Posted October 24, 2005 Share Posted October 24, 2005 Hey... don't sweat it.. I need a good kick in the pants every once in a while. You know I wouldn't ignore a friend on purpose... it just slipped by me... Link to comment
HellFrost666 Posted October 26, 2005 Author Share Posted October 26, 2005 I'll probably get my courage up and say it this weekend when she comes over... Link to comment
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