Help me let go

[nikkers04]

My ex fiance...of 2 years broke up with me in August. He still cares he just wants to be single. He doens't want a girlfriend period not me or anyone else for that matter. I cry over him everyday we still hang out but it kills me because I only get hope only to get reminded that he doesn't want a relationship. He is my life...my bestfriend my everything and I can't let him go. Besides no contact does anyone else have any ideas on what i could do to give him his space and let us both be happy? Thanks for you help i'm getting desperate

[mae_may04]

I really don't think you should completely cut off contact. If you were engaged, you are probably good friends. Give it a little time, and then stay friends at least. Don't hit on him or anything, but don't let the friendship go away, just change the context of your "connection."

[metallicachica247]

i dont think you should cut off contact either. no one can tell you to let go but yourself. hold on until you are ready to lose him.

[MissJBug]

they'll be back....

 

 

they always come back!

[kellbell]

Nikkers,

 

In order to let him go you have to get him off that pedistal. He is no longer your life and your everything. HE broke up with you. As long as you hold up in that high regard, you will never be able to get over him. It's ok to still care about him and remember all the good things about him and such. Let him go slowly. Accept he let you go, you had your good times and laughs but he just wasn't the right one for you. I believe everything happens for a reason. Also, you can't just let things comes to you and let happiness come to you, you have to actively pursue things and your happiness, go and put good things in front of you, you have to make things happen. You should never soley rely on ANYONE to make you happy or bring you happiness, you have to be happy within yourself. That's why you are having such a difficult time with this, you relied on your ex-fiance to make you happy and your whole relationship to make you happy, now you have nothing to fall back on. Take this a lesson learned. There are so many people out there who have been through break-ups, it's a part of life. You just have to be the one to pick yourself up and move on, with the help of friends and family also. I have been following your story all summer and into the fall, it's time for you start picking up the pieces of your life and heal. You will get better, I promise, what doesn't kill you will make you stronger. Be well and treat yourself right.

[stewmic1]

I am reading a book called "It's called a break-up because it's broken." It has some good advice for getting through a breakup.

[nikkers04]

Mae and metallica, I agree about not cutting off all contact but seeing him and being around him makes me want to be with him...then again when I"M not with him around him I want to be with him even more. I know no contact is out of the question he is the only person who was ever there for me...my best friend. I had a bad childhood and he helped me through it all...now it kills me to know he wants to start a new life...with out me.

 

Miss J Bug, I hope your right because not being his girlfriend is killing me...almost literally. I'm so depressed that I have thought many times about just ending it.

 

KellBell...You are right about how I need to change my life around to make myself happy...the thing is all growing up nothing went right for me and he was always the one lifting me up...and now with that part gone there seems like there is nothing to look forward to. I know he broke up with me but I feel like it is all my fault and I have to fix it. I don't want to throw away what we had and i DONT want him to either. I know I can't control him but I wish I could. He told me he just doesn't have the time and when he does have time he just wants to do whatever he wants and not have to worry about spending all him time with me...Understandable...just like I said I should be happy for him...his life is turning around just makes me sad he doesn't want me to be part of it...the way I want to be.

[cutiewendy]

If you are still such good friends, that's a good thing. Friends are valuable. The hard part will be changing from the romantic feeling, and that will probably start to shift once he starts dating, and once you do, but it might take 2 or 3 years until he's totally out of your system. In the meantime, are you starting to date?

[babybees]

I would not recommend to keep the friendship when your feeling to him is still strong. It will be harder for you to let him go.

 

NC is a definite for the time being and starts dating to forget him.

If you can be far far away from him is even better. It will help your no contact. If you're not ready for dating yet, just get yourself super busy to kill the time and any thought of him. Like the famous saying says "Time kills the wound". and it actually does.

 

hope it helps.

 

-babybees

[ocrob]

You are in the same situation that I was, but I am male. I totally understand what you are going through. My ex is my only friend in the area that I live. She as been my bestfriend and we have so much fun together. Here is my two sense in your matter. If you go no contact, then you will have time to heal and he will have a wake up call if he has feelings for you. If you hang out as friends, then it leaves him in control and once he starts dating it will get that much worse. My ex was telling me about her dates and saying how they might be the one. I did not want to hear that crap. Guys have huge egos and if you do the NC thing, then you will soon find out how he feels. I am not saying to play games and if he needs space, then that could be legitimate. Good luck.

[shellie12345]

I just want to start off by saying that I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I have been there and I know how painful it can be. In my opinion what needs to happen unfortunately will be slow and painful. There is no way that you can simply cut off contact and be fine overnight. I think that for a while you will not be able to cut off contact, you said it yourself, he was your life, your bestfriend. You will go through stages where you feel like you are fine without him, and you will go through stages when you will feel the opposite. This is good though, with every step forward you take 2 steps back, but at least you will be progressing. Try not to call or contact him as much as you can. But I know how it is, sometimes you just have to. Just know that there will be a time when you won't HAVE to do that. If you slowly get yourself back on track, in time you will be ok. This will take time, you must be patient and never lose hope or faith in yourself. Keep your dignity and if you feel that being around him hurts you too much, remove yourself. You will have to try a few ways thats for sure, but eventually you will know exactly what you need to do in order to move on. It is kind of a trial and error process. When I was trying to get over my ex, i spent a year or so trying my hardest to stay friends with him. However, my feelings were still there so I kept on getting hurt over and over. Eventually I had enough of the hurt and I needed to free myself from it. I took a trip, did things on my own and took control of my life. I contacted him only when I wanted to, and it was very little for a while. It was what I needed to do. Eventually I gained enough strength and independance apart from him that I was able to come back and be his friend again, minus the feelings. Once you know you can hang around him and not wish you were "with" him, then you can truly be just his friend and be happy with that. Unfortunatley you may not get to that place for a while. It may take you a year or even more, but take your time, do it at your own pace and be true to yourself. You will get there in time, I promise.