khujo56 Posted October 19, 2005 Share Posted October 19, 2005 Hey guys I've been dating this girl for about a month and she told me a few days ago that she is not ready for anything yet..she wants to be friends...long story short..she got out of a relationship about 3 months ago, her ex cheated on her and she said that she is just not ready to date again..everyhting was going fine, well that's what she said. she did say that she does not want to loose touch with each other, she does needs time. my question is i'm dying to call her like everyday but i know i can't. she needs her space..should i move one or stick around and see where this goes. Link to comment
kellbell Posted October 19, 2005 Share Posted October 19, 2005 Keep your options open with others. Don't stop talking to her altogether but do date others. She was honest with you and put all her cards on the table. Although I would tell her you are dating others as well. As soon she is ready for something serious, then it would be up to you if you want to exclusive relationship with her. Then take things from there. But definitely give her space she asked for. Take care and good luck. Link to comment
Kurodashi Posted October 19, 2005 Share Posted October 19, 2005 3 months broken up isn't all that long to get over someone, in my experience. Especially when you've been cheated on. Try being the best friend you can be for her. Do call her, Once a day if you have to. Ask her how she is, and if she needs to talk. Let her know that youre not going anywhere and that you are there for her if she needs you. Furthermore, reassure her of her worth. When you've been cheated on you feel as though you are stupid or not worth real love. She really needs to know how important she is. Tell her good things about herself. Reassure her that she disserves a guy that will never cheat. And if you are certain you wont, tell her you wouldnt ever hurt her like that either. Shes probably afraid, and her self esteem would have taken quite a beating. Be gentle, reassuring and constant. Help her get through the pain her ex left with her. Link to comment
randy Posted October 19, 2005 Share Posted October 19, 2005 Date others ! The way I see it . . . past relationships don't matter . If she was really into you the " i'm not ready for another relationship yet " thing would not matter . Who know's how long it's going to take her to "be ready " . Don't call her . If you have to call her don't call her often . Let her do more of the calling since "the ball's in her court " in a sense . Start seeing others . Link to comment
suprema99 Posted October 19, 2005 Share Posted October 19, 2005 I agree about moving on. Kurodashi, why does she deserve to be praised when she doesn't want to be with him in this situation? Link to comment
heloladies21 Posted October 20, 2005 Share Posted October 20, 2005 If she was really interested in you, she would get over her ex. She's just not interested in you anymore and she's using her ex-relationship as an excuse. No Contact with her. You don't want to be her friend, you want something more. Don't settle for less. Start talking to lots of other girls. Link to comment
khujo56 Posted October 20, 2005 Author Share Posted October 20, 2005 I REALLY HOPE THAT'S NOT THE CASE WHERE SHE IS USING HER EX AS AN EXCUSE. THAT IS TERRIBLE, IT MAKES ME FEEL SO UNATTRACTIVE. I KNOW PEOPLE ARE SAYING MOVE ON BUT IT IS REALLY NOT EASY, ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU TALK EVERYDAY AND NOW YOU DON'T TALK AT ALL. Link to comment
Kurodashi Posted October 20, 2005 Share Posted October 20, 2005 I agree about moving on. Kurodashi, why does she deserve to be praised when she doesn't want to be with him in this situation? I never said praise her. I said show her that you care and understand. It's called being a friend. I dont know any girls that have been cheated on that have moved on in 3 months and jumped into someone elses arms straight away. It takes time to learn to trust again, and if this girl is really worth it to him - I think he should be there for her and be patient. Be a friend, try some empathy. Its not an easy thing to go through. She never did anything to diserve no contact or anything like that. It might be in his best interest if hes very hung up on her, yes. However it seems shes been nothing but up front with him. It seems obvious to me she just needs time to get over him and learn to trust again. Id even go as far to say any dating under 3 months of breaking up is a rebound anyway. It's quite possible she has this guys best interests at heart. That being said, you dont go around treating others like dirt because they wont date you. Thats just childish. So just to re-itterate my point: try to understand her perspective and be a friend for her. If you really care as much as you believe, this should be easy. Link to comment
Macaw_Lover Posted October 20, 2005 Share Posted October 20, 2005 I have to agree with Kurodashi. Some of you in here sound as if you have never experienced being cheated on, that being said. If that is the case I say that is wonderful as it is an extremely difficult pain to get over. I was cheated on for quite sometime(was to naive to see the signs)and once I did see the signs I didn't want to believe it. It took me 8 months to truly move on from my experience. I was over the guy yes, but I wasn't over the pain he caused. In the long run I will say it has made me stronger yes, as does any bad/good experience will do. I say give this girl some slack, if you truly care for her then be there for her as a friend only and in the future if it holds more it will happen when she is ready. Now in that time IF she is then ready and still interested you will have to decide if YOU are ready and interested. I wouldn't close the door to other possibilities and just reserve yourself for her. How long have you known this girl? Were you friends prior to this or did you just meet her? It's unclear in your post. You sound like a good guy and in your heart you already know what you want to do or what you need to do, you just are wanting reassurance to this which everyone needs sometimes, myself including IE my post listed. Goodluck to you and all good things come to those who wait Link to comment
heloladies21 Posted October 20, 2005 Share Posted October 20, 2005 I REALLY HOPE THAT'S NOT THE CASE WHERE SHE IS USING HER EX AS AN EXCUSE. THAT IS TERRIBLE, IT MAKES ME FEEL SO UNATTRACTIVE. I KNOW PEOPLE ARE SAYING MOVE ON BUT IT IS REALLY NOT EASY, ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU TALK EVERYDAY AND NOW YOU DON'T TALK AT ALL. Moving on is hard, it's the hardest thing i've ever had to do but don't take her not being interested as a personal attack against you. It's her mistake. She's making an error by not choosing you and now other women get the pleasure of getting to know you instead. Best thing for you right now is No Contact. Being her friend won't get her back I'm sure 100%. Girls don't work that way. But if you have any doubt, call her when you want, tell her how you feel and want to get back together at all times. It won't bring her back, but it will push you to the point of letting her go. But nothing you can do or say will bring her back. Link to comment
khujo56 Posted October 20, 2005 Author Share Posted October 20, 2005 yes it is very hard to do..the reason why i'm so fragile these days is basically...i met 3 girls over the span of 4 months..the first girl we never met but talked on the phone only for her to cut me off..no reason why..never got a hold of her. the 2nd girl we were dating only for her to e-mail me and tell me that she met someone else..she changed her number so i could not get a hold of her. this girl now who i really like , we dated for about a month only for her to realize that she wants to be friends...so if you guys can see my frustration in this. i've sorta come to the conclusion that it's not them..maybe it's me. either way i know i should move on, but going forward i'm just being honest, i'm afraid of being hurt again. thanks for all the advice Link to comment
suprema99 Posted October 21, 2005 Share Posted October 21, 2005 Macow lover, cheating has made you stronger in what way? Hopefully not, by not seeing someone elses potential. This is classic, he clearly doesn't want to be her friend. He wants more out of it. He should leave her for that reason as soon as possible in my opinion. You wanted somebody also that didn't want you, why are you questioning that? Link to comment
khujo56 Posted October 21, 2005 Author Share Posted October 21, 2005 no never said cheating has made me stronger..i'm not the one that got cheated on..she did..i'm just tired of meeting someone and then it all goes down hill....i'm just scared of being hurt again and again Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now