Share your progress here!

[biacd]

just needed to rant.

 

 

 

it's been a week now, and i thought i was getting better. i had a very weak moment today. these few days actually. i cry for no apparent reason. i had the urge to beg her again. classic stuff. i felt hopeless. lost. useless. i felt unwanted. i gave her all i had, all my attention. all my love. now i want to make it work. even though its only a week, im hurting all over. i tried doing other things. didn';t work. i tried. it gets real bad in the evenings. sigh. she's overseas now, won't be back till monday. ever since i knew her cell was off, i called her frequently so as to check if it's still off. i dunno why im doing that. it sucks. it's still off now. i mean. come on, does she even miss me?

 

 

sorry guys

[selfi]

well;

 

- my guy left me 3 weeks ago

 

- NC is impossible since we are both in the same uni class

 

- i am trying his hardest to be friendly with him while at school as he still talks to me quite alot and vice cersa, but it hurts alot at times for me

 

- i sent him a text msg last nite asking if he would like to walk to school with me, he replied that he'd be there rain, hail or shine and wrote that i make him smile (?)

 

- today his grandfather had a stroke, so i was there to support him, i gave him a painting i drew of us, made him get ttears in his eyes.

 

- other than that, theres nothing else, i constantly get mixed messages from him because we still have contact at school, however outside of school he doesnt contact me. i get the feeling that there is still a lot of hope, but it could be just me being delusional so ill never know.. .

[biacd]

i have been thinking again today, and someone suggested this to me:

 

 

she might be seeing someone else.

 

 

 

it seems so logical, and fits my situation if u have read my thread "What should i do? Here's my situation".

 

 

 

im trying to assume there is no third party involved, TRYING. not working though. but if it really was because of someone else, i would NEVER get back with her. but for now, i still want her back.

[biacd]

i understnad how u feel, im in the same situation as u too. i can't give u advice on this, im having troubles myself, but if u would like someone to chat with, someone to talk to, i'm here just look for me on either aim, msn, or just pm me.

[coooolsome]

My progress:

 

Broke up Aug 26th. Did the whole crazy stuff for 2 weeks. Then limited contact for the next month and a half. We are back on speaking terms somewhat. Our 1st real conversation was last Friday and it was a really good conversation. The connection we have was still there. However it seems as if she just wants to be single and date other people. I think she fell out of love with me for some reason which I think I know. She posted a comment on my Myspace about a band that is coming to town that I really like.

 

Her friend also posted a comment about me hanging out with that group of friends. I dont want to be her friend so I really dont know if I could do that. I know my ex misses me but not to the point where she wants to get together. I sort of given up hope b/c it seems that we are at different points in our lives and she wants to see whats out there. She doesnt know what life has in store for her so if we did get together it wouldnt be for like 2 years. I will not wait that long.

[biacd]

today was our special day. she didn't even wish me anything. and i was hoping for that. guess i was dreaming.

[coooolsome]

Let her go. That is the best advice I can give you. If you truly love her then the last loving act you can do is let her go. Love means that you want the person you love to be happy even though its not with you(I know this is hard). Work on yourself, go out, have fun but let her go.

[biacd]

i can't do that now, its hard. its only been a week. i'll try, and when that day finally comes, ill shout out in the forum "I DON'T CARE!!"

 

 

[selfi]

-today i rang up my ex and we talked over the phone as friends for nearly an hour before he had to go out. he still calls me by the pet name he made up for me too. these little things confuse me!

 

Im inclined to want verbal reassurance that he of course isnt giving me, so i asked if i could speak to him tomoro as well.

he told me maybe, but he doesnt want ME to call HIM coz apparently he would rather do it himself and surprise me?! (somehow i dont quite buy it)

 

btw slightly off topic, but i discovered (via non legitimate ways) that he has blocked me from his MSN contact list too. I have no idea why. I honestly dont. We havent had any arguments or anything...

[biacd]

-today i rang up my ex and we talked over the phone as friends for nearly an hour before he had to go out. he still calls me by the pet name he made up for me too. these little things confuse me!

 

Im inclined to want verbal reassurance that he of course isnt giving me, so i asked if i could speak to him tomoro as well.

he told me maybe, but he doesnt want ME to call HIM coz apparently he would rather do it himself and surprise me?! (somehow i dont quite buy it)

 

btw slightly off topic, but i discovered (via non legitimate ways) that he has blocked me from his MSN contact list too. I have no idea why. I honestly dont. We havent had any arguments or anything...

 

 

 

 

 

well, it's all up to u

 

i've given u my advice, but u still gotta listen to ur own heart

[OCD]

Thanks Coooolsome, I won't call her and she hasn't called me since Wed. It's going to be a tuff weekend for me, heck they have been since she broke it off. Hopefully she will call to chat and perhaps she having a hard time dealing with her feelings? I'm just going to wait it out and do my thing. Is she waiting for me to call her? I wouldn't think so since she said that she'd call me to get together. I'm confused at her intensions...does she miss me? If so she's having a strange time showing it...Thanks all.

 

Hey NotMyself...congrats man! I hope and pray my sitch goes like yours. Go with the flow and ride some waves for me in Hawaii.

[biacd]

OCD, same qn i have as u, we rock!

 

 

 

does she miss me?

[fadedfantasy]

well hmph... Things didn't quite go as planned. I guess that's why people are encouraged not to break NC. Well I broke it by asking him if he wanted to go out to a movie at his work. I feel so stupid. He told me yes and he'd call me yesterday but he didn't call me. So I tried to call him and hes not answering the phone. Its back to square one again. Im so mad at myself for breaking NC and thinking things could be the way they were. Im in pain again. I tell you hes been playing games with me for a long time. But This guy is absolutely gorgeous, beautiful smile everything. I don't think he means to hurt me. I don't know if he is shy now or uninterested. We used to be really good friends before we began dating. I'd rather be friends with him then nothing at all. But if thats what he wants I guess Im going to have to deal with it, one way or another.

[renaissancewoman101]

I know what you mean when you say things dont go quite as well as planned. I broke NC to call my ex to see if I could get my medication back from him. He was very cordial to me on the phone and friendly, that gave me some hope. He told me that I could come by his house and pick up my medication so I did. When I got there, we talked for about three hours, but he was so different to me, he was nervous, would not look at me in the face, would not do anything that we use to like to do like go out to eat, watch a movie, or even play a computer game. It was as though he really wanted to forget the two years of our relationship. That was hard to take also because it was my fault that this happened. Our first year was great, he was so nice to me, treated me like a woman should be treated, bought me gifts, spent a lot of time with me, etc. We were almost complete opposites in what we liked, hobbies we liked, etc., but I tried to learn to like to do his stuff, and he tried to learn to like mines. In Feb of this year, I suddenly lost my feelings for him (this was after over a year of dating him) and everything he did began to annoy me like hell and I began to pull away from him. I severly curtailed the time I spent with him, etc. I was stupid for acting like that. This was one of the first times I had such a long term relationship with someone and it scared me so I withdrew. He tried hard to get my feelings back but I withdrew from him. He tried hard until Sept when he decided to break up with me.

 

Last night, I didnt hang out with him for that long. I tried to get him to do something fun with me, he didnt want to. He also did not want to try our relationship with me again. It was though he put up a wall against me. That hurt when I had hope and was praying every day for a good outcome of this whole thing. He says he wants to be friends with me but I doubt it because I asked him if we could hang out and he told me yes, but depending on how his situation is (whether he has a gf or not).

 

I will probably see him again because he still has my cell phone. I do care about him as a person so I let him keep the cell for the time being. He lives at home and his parents are ruthless about not letting him use the home phone a lot. He also still owes me about $1500 that I lent him to pay off some bills earlier this year.

 

Breaking the NC was a stupid thing because I was starting to get better about him breaking up with me, now I am sad again and it bothers me. Part of it has to do with my loss of hope that we will ever get back together again after seeing what happened last night. I think he never wants to get back together with me again. That makes me sad. I also found out that he called someone last night after I left for over two hours. This number he calls on a daily basis for hours at a time, using my cell phone although he is careful about using only my free night and weekend minutes. I do monitor his phone usage because it is my phone and my billl. I also wanted to know if he has any other gf prospects.

 

It is hard to move on but NC does help a lot. It helps the feelings to diminish and go away.

[Rickster]

*update*

 

well i called her yesterday... it was so weird cause i kept worrying that ill have lack of things to say to her. but the whole conversation just went so perfect. its like what it used to be like before. maybe its cause i keep worrying. we started talking and laughing about things. told her some personal things and she let me in to her life(like what she did). well i also called cause i had to ask her for my cd back. so like it was a very mutual conversation but its getting better each time. the funny thing was when i started talking to her best friend from school which so happens to be one of my friends too, she said you talk to her alot, dont you? so it made me realise that i think my ex is talking to her about me. either my ex stil cares about me or that shes just interested to know whats going on with me. cause like sometime back i was suicidal and stuff and now im totally different. so i guess its good.

 

its going all good. what about you guys?

[biacd]

sorry guys, haven't been posting.

 

 

-Somehow- i am feeling much better than the first few days of the breakup. i am telling myself that *it's over* and i should move on. it's starting to sink in. i don't know if it will stay that way, but hopefully it does! obviously there is still a little hope in me that one day, it will all work out, so i'll keep my fingers crossed!

 

 

 

Thank u guys u guys have been SUCH a great help

 

 

i'll post updates on my situation once she returns from australia on monday.

 

 

Have a great weekend!

[selfi]

last night, talked to him via MSN for about half an hour, very friendly as usual. he said he'd call me today which, he did but i was out with the family so he said hell call me back later on tonight. for the minute that i talked to him earlier on, he sounded very unhappy for some reason and it felt like he was only calling out of obligation.

 

its the start of the school week tomoro, and im still unsure about how i should act around him. sometimes ill get really down and ignore him, other days we will go and have lunch together, he'll share his food and do things like feed me affectionately(?) which rhetorates why i feel like im getting mixed messages and not just looking into things too much. im still praying and i just hope we can have another shot at this. Ego, pride and emotions aside, i know its worth it.

[selfi]

well here i am again, because he just called and we talked for about 40 minutes.

 

when he told me that he has party's to go to and busy week, etc etc, a feeling of unease started to pass over me and for the rest of the conversation i had this small resentment for him, as he continued to yabber on about himself and talk to me like he'd never dumped me.

 

at first i thought the fact that we talk like best of mates was a good thing and it showed hope that we still have everything going for us. but now im thinking this facade is just plain Selfish on his part, and he only does it to satisfy his conscience.

 

anywho, the reason im updating is i wanted to know if anybody has ever had these up and down feelings with their ex? at the end of the day i want him back, but why do i feel bitterness towards him for calling?

[biacd]

Well, she's back! And so begins my diary...

 

 

 

 

After one week of nc, i've definitely felt a whole lot better! less crazy thoughts.. lol. and not so panicky anymore thanks a lot guys! everyone who has been there for me

 

 

 

 

well, she just sent me a text "Hey, i'm back"

 

 

 

 

well, what should i do now? this is absolute crap, i don't feel obliged to reply to this kind of texts. but i still do *hope* in getting back with her. lol.

[nataliejulie]

It's normal. I even felt resentment when me and my ex were TRYING to get back together. However, I think it's a good thing... they are opening up, feeling comfortable, letting you in.

[biacd]

**update**

 

 

 

so i called her an hour after she sent me the text "hey, i'm back", didn't pick up the call.

 

 

 

 

 

called her 5 hours later, no reply as well.

 

 

 

i am pissed!

[biacd]

Well, she called me, and we talked for ~10mins.

 

 

she wasn't as open as before, i could tell(i was asking most of the qns).

 

 

 

 

i ended the call, i said "have fun later!(she was going with her friends), bye!" then she shot out "what are u up to?"

 

 

lol i told her nothing, and i said bye.

 

 

lol nat, u were right, i guess she might still be guilty for dumping me. she had tuesday, wed, and thurs all planned out with her friends, non of it includes me. lol. man, i'm moving on. lol. time to work on myself

[nataliejulie]

lol i told her nothing, and i said bye.

 

 

lol nat, u were right, i guess she might still be guilty for dumping me. she had tuesday, wed, and thurs all planned out with her friends, non of it includes me. lol. man, i'm moving on. lol. time to work on myself

 

Don't expect anything! P.S - should have told her you had plans.. then said bye.

[biacd]

lol i told her nothing, and i said bye.

 

 

lol nat, u were right, i guess she might still be guilty for dumping me. she had tuesday, wed, and thurs all planned out with her friends, non of it includes me. lol. man, i'm moving on. lol. time to work on myself

 

Don't expect anything! P.S - should have told her you had plans.. then said bye.

 

 

 

 

point taken! will do that the next time ^_^

 

 

now i can say that "i don't expect anything anymore" and my main focus now is to get in shape, work on myself, and go out and have fun! of course it would be good if things work out between me and her, but if they don't, it's ok!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**edit** lol, now that i think about it, she did seem a *little* surprised when i ended the call. it was usually the other way round

[selfi]

*sigh* well i did the wrong thing today at school.

i broke down in my ex's arms. it started when i got upset at him for scheduling his post-semester interview on a different day to me, and not changing it when i asked him to. one thing led to another and im crying my eyes out to him. telling him stuff like;

- that im scared that we wont be together this summer break (he replied; "im not making ay promises but we'll see how things go)

- i told him no matter how much time passes, that i wont stop loving him etc etc.

i know this is a big rule breaker, but i couldnt help it. and now i think ive just delayed any signs of hope. Even though he didnt say so and was there to comfort me, its most likely he's not impressed right? im really worried now.