Friend with ex?

[Southern_Belle]

Can you be a friend with ex, really?

Friendship requires trust, but when you break up, don't you lose that trust?

How can you be really there for him/her, if he/she broke up with you and hurt you once or more?

Friendship requires certain amount of effort to keep. If you could have put that much effort in your relationship, why didn't it work at the first place? What I mean is, how is friendship different from being in a relationship? Is "becoming friends" just a scheme for the dumper to feel less guilty, or for the dumpee to stick around and wait for the 2nd chance?

What do you think?

[lady00]

Most of the time, I would think not. But sometimes it happens...I have seen it happen. I think it can only happen after both people have taken the time and space to let the relationship go and if they don't put themselves in situations where hooking up is a possibility. I think then, it is possible for exes to be friends. But if one is in love with the other (or if both still love each other but just can't work things out) then the friendship won't work. I believe that most of the time things are messy and feelings are hurt and so if there is a friendship to be had, there needs to be lots of time to get over the pain. So I would say most exes probably don't end up being true friends. But it can happen if the conditions are just right.

[PersonalMe]

when u say " oh this friend in my class has this really cool pen(or whatever)..." do u really mean that that person is your friend!? or do we just call them friends...? i think that there r sooo many levels of "friends" but to keep it simple: there r a) your best friends, which u see all the time know eveyrthing about and tell them eveyrthing, b) your friend friends which r the ones u see quite alot, theyre really nice, cool ppl but its not like u hang out with them every weekend! and c) there r your not so friend friends, which r the ppl u know and say hi to, but never say anything more to them! i think the ex would def land somewhere in between the b) friend friends and the c) not so friend friends...ppl say it all the time!!!!: "we have a really good relationship, but it would be soo much better if we were just friends dont ya think?" i think its just an excuse, OBVISOULY (like in everything...) there r exceptions, but most of the time, i think its just a way of saying "i really dont want to see you anymore, but maybe if i tell u that we'll be friends, u wont get too mad at me for breaking up with u" ...but think about it!! if ur relationship was kind ov ok, but u just dont want to deal with it anymore, what r u gonna tell your partner?: "u know what, im soo sick of u, get out of my face!" obviously not, u gotta let em down slowly...the truth hurts.

[RayKay]

You can be, but it does take some healing, some time, and some work from both sides.

 

It also really varies from couple to couple, and from circumstances to circumstances.

 

Time can heal, and so those wounds can fade, and trust can still be there in the end. I can't say I personally ever lost my "trust" when someone broke up with me, I was just really hurt. But like I said, it varies.

 

And well....I don't think I need to answer why friendship is different, it just IS. Sometimes people just are better as friends (or even enemies) then partners...the compatibilities, qualities, and so forth I need in a partner are different then those in a friend!

[CATLOVER]

Yeh it does happen but from my experience alot of water needs to pass under the bridge first. My first ever boyfriend is a friend of mine...but it was a few yrs until that could happen...All the feelings need to be resolved first. And also when I say friends I dont mean we hang out every day or spend alot of time together. I mean maybe once every three or four months we catch up...have a cuppa or go for a meal.....

[Kitz]

Like someone said before, it depends on the couple and the circumstances.

 

My ex is one of my best friends now, and going out with my best friend -- i'm personally really happy for them both, because they're both such great people and really deserve eachother. (I was a bit weirded out at first, but I got over it.)

 

But then again, me and my ex got together in a drunken moment, didn't know eachother beforehand, and once we got to know eachother better we realised we were too different and similar at the same time but in bad ways relationship-wise (but great ways friends wise) and so we broke up (mutual descision) deciding that we would be better off as friends (actually meaning it, too.. not as an excuse to break up!)

 

And so, yeah. Felt a bit depressed for the next few days, got over it, caught up with him on the weekend and things basically went back to what they were before, but without the kissing and cuddling and emotional attachment. Then again, it wasn't a serious relationship.. only really lasted a month and a bit and we definatley weren't in love or anything.