dad cheating

[joe-bloe]

My dad has been unemployed for a year and ahalf. He doesnt even look for work. He justs sits at home and does nothing all day.

 

This morning I returned to house because I forgot something and I saw a pair of womens shoes in the front doorway. i didn't go in ,I didn't know what to do.

 

It really pisses me off that he is cheating on my mom in her own house while she is at work.

 

My parents have been married over 30 years and have not been romantic in years, but to do this while my mom is out working really makes me mad.

 

my mom and I dont really like him and would not miss him .Should I tell my mom?should I say anything to my dad?

 

thanks

[katie_emma]

so you just saw the shoes? Not the woman? Before you say anything to your mom, maybe you should talk to your dad and get the facts straight?

[BellaDonna]

If it were me I would do more investigating before I went to him or your mom. For instance, return to the house again- and if the shoes are there- go in and see who it is for yourself.

 

More likely than not he is cheating.

 

It's a tough situation- but if you had more evidence that he was indeed cheating and saw it with your own eyes, I don't think you should enable him to cheat....it's a family issue and not just a marital issue.

 

I would tell my mom if it were me- for pure health reasons. Simply because as a married couple it is likely that your parents do not use protection when they have sex and your mother would be vulnerable to unknowingly contracting an STD if your father is cheating.

 

I think you need more info than just the shoes before you act though.

 

 

BellaDonna

[Lonelyinasmalltown]

so you just saw the shoes? Not the woman? Before you say anything to your mom, maybe you should talk to your dad and get the facts straight?

 

My thoughts exactly. It could have been anything, unless you actually saw them you only have your suspitions, no proof.

[Shadows Light]

How can u be sure he was cheating and not simply be having a cup of coffee with a neighbor?

 

I can well understand your dilema and how you feel. However, your mother allows him the lattitude to do as he wills. Ultimately, she's got to be the one to stand up for herself and live her life. You can not do it for her. If you get too involved in your parents "business" you may feel much guilt over it later and be tossed in the middle of a fight. Not a good place to be.

 

You say that you wouldn't miss your dad. Let me tell you from experience, you will. And a change in his living conditions and circumstances will ride heavily on your conscience. Parents have a

way of doing thta to us.

 

I don't know what u should have done under the circumstances. Possibly gone forward and walked into the house.. and if you caught them, have your dad weasle out of that one. My guess he would have guilted you to death NOT to tell. Maybe you could have brought it up during dinner.... hey dad did you have company today, I noticed someone was here this morning. Thereby alerting your mom..."something" is amiss. Without getting too involved.

 

You never know.. your mother may know and allows it to happen. Some women shut their eyes to it. Some can't face making a difficult decision or are too afraid to go at it "alone" after so many years. So they hope the affair will eventually die out and run its course.

 

I feel for your mom. I've seen it happen. My advice to you is to not put yourself in the middle as a direct catalyst to WHAT is very likely to explode. You don't want to get yourself caught in a cross fire.

 

If you need to know... then pay attention and observe. And find a way for your mother to make the discovery on her own.

[yeawutever]

WELL IF U FIND MORE EVIDENCE AND INDEED HE DID CHEATED ON HER, I WOULD SUGGEST TALK TO UR DAD ABOUT THIS IN PRIVATE BUT DON'T GO ON TELLING MOM. THATS UP TO HIM WHETHER HE WANTS TO BE HONEST OR NOT BE HONEST AND GET CAUGHT INSTEAD. TRY SUGGETSING COUNSELING TO HIM, WITHOUT MOM KNOWING THE REASON REASON. SO YEA ITS UP TO HIM TO TELL HER IF HE REALLY FEELS QUILTY.

[Beec]

Assuming he is cheating, I don't think I could tell my mother. I could go to my father and tell him that he should either tell her or leave or something like that, and I might threaten him tell to leave or I'd tell. Then if he did not, I think I'd look for a way to reveal it to my mother without me being the messenger.

[Meow18]

I think you need more evidence than what you already have.

 

In my opinion, your dad isn't being very smart. If he was cheating, and he wanted to get away with it, why would he have a woman over to your home?? I mean, your mom or you could easily go home one day and catch him.

 

I suggest trying to find out more. Maybe go home again and see if there's anyone there. If you do find out that he is cheating, then you need to confront him and tell him you know what is going on. Your mom deserves to know, but she needs to find out from him. And if he really won't tell her, you need to decide if you want to get involved and tell her.

 

Personally, if it was me, I would tell my mom if my dad wouldn't. I couldn't stand knowing my dad was doing that behind her back.

[darkblue]

Oh, dear.

 

You didn't see anything that ties him to cheating - you saw shoes...

 

If he was cheating - what would you do?

Why do you think he is cheating?

[TheSmilingTurnip]

I don't think I'd tell my mom he were cheating. I would tell her I came home today while you were at work and there was different pair of shoes there...were those yours? And let her take it from there. You assume nothing...she does the investigating, it stays between those whom it should be between...your mom and dad.

[yeawutever]

YEA DON'T GO ON TELLING MOM, UR RUIN IT AND HE SHOULD BE TELLING HER, NOT U.

[RandomAdvisor]

I also think you should try and get more information before you decide to do anything. Try returning to the house around the same time to see if the shoes are there, and go in...

[darkblue]

I also think you should try and get more information before you decide to do anything. Try returning to the house around the same time to see if the shoes are there, and go in...

...and be scared for life if they are at it...

 

Tell your mother you saw shoes - let her investigate.

[Tigris]

Tell your Mother you went home.

 

Explain you felt awkward because you saw a pair of ladies shoes you didn't recognise so you didn't go in.

 

Then the rest is up to her.

 

You never know she may have bought a new pair for herself.

 

Good luck and take care.

[TheSmilingTurnip]

Tell your Mother you went home.

 

Explain you felt awkward because you saw a pair of ladies shoes you didn't recognise so you didn't go in.

 

Then the rest is up to her.

 

You never know she may have bought a new pair for herself.

 

Good luck and take care.

 

This is A1, top drawer advice. You are taking no position and inflaming no one, just being factual.

[suprema99]

It seems right away you thought your dad was cheating. You know I'm sure pretty much how your parents lifestyles are. . Were they like high heels, hooker boots, gymshoes, old lady shoes? Before you go telling anyone I would investigate and play really stupid until you find a bit more proof. If it was true he was cheating, and like someone else said, was careless to do this in his own home. I would think it would happen again and you would have more proof. Maybe she was a neighbor, maybe a real estate agent, maybe another family member dropping buy for a few minutes. Who knows really

[joe-bloe]

Thanks everybody.

 

I have seen my dad around town with another woman in the past .My parents haven't even slept in the same bed for 15 years and are only together for fianancial reasons.so I have never said anything before. But now he doesnt work , he does nothing , he doesnt even do repairs to the house or clean.he sits around and drinks beer all day.

 

I saw a pair of womens red cowboy boots,they were not the neighbors or a real estate agent. the dog was barking because a stranger was in the house . They were inside a room with the dog barking on the outside.I was too afraid to go in and possibly see something I didnt want to see. I know want him out of the house. He doesnt contribute anything anyway.I cant even look at him i am so disgusted with him.

[TheSmilingTurnip]

Thanks everybody.

 

I have seen my dad around town with another woman in the past .My parents haven't even slept in the same bed for 15 years and are only together for fianancial reasons.so I have never said anything before. But now he doesnt work , he does nothing , he doesnt even do repairs to the house or clean.he sits around and drinks beer all day.

 

I saw a pair of womens red cowboy boots,they were not the neighbors or a real estate agent. the dog was barking because a stranger was in the house . They were inside a room with the dog barking on the outside.I was too afraid to go in and possibly see something I didnt want to see. I know want him out of the house. He doesnt contribute anything anyway.I cant even look at him i am so disgusted with him.

 

Wow that sounds a lot like my parents. My dad is now 74 and can't make decisions for himself or take care of himself anymore and only NOW does my mom decide to leave. It sucks to have your parents break up even later in life because then the kids are more affected. Hope this knowledge helps you. Have you decided what to do yet?