seg172 Posted October 13, 2005 Share Posted October 13, 2005 Okay so I posted something earlier this week describing some serious defects in my relationship. All including the fact that I cheated on my boyfriend twice and he cheated and lied to get back at me. Jeez, it makes me sound like a horrible vendictive person! Anyway, as an update, we went away to Ireland for a quick trip to try and sort things out. That way we didn't associate any bad feelings with where we live and who we live with. We wanted to keep it neutral. As it turns out, Neither of us want to give up on our relationship, since we really are great together, but our biggest problem is getting over what the other person has done. This can not be a get out of jail free card forever. Not to mention our families and friends hate each other. Each person was in the wrong for their own actions and the healing process has already been disrupted, but is there anyway that we can trust each other again, and put this all behind us?? I refuse to believe that people can't change, but they have to be willing to do it. How can we make this work? Is it possible to get to where we were? or better? Link to comment
NJRon Posted October 13, 2005 Share Posted October 13, 2005 Just my two cents, if cheating is a symptom of problems in the relationship, then you should seek professional couples counselling in order to resolve the issues. Given your surrent state of the relationship, I don't think it would be beneficial to just work it out on your own. In addition, professional counseling would provide validity to your efforts and show your friends that you two are really working to improve your relationship and get them off your back. IMHO.... Link to comment
yeawutever Posted October 13, 2005 Share Posted October 13, 2005 NO IT CANNOT BE OVERCOME, IT WILL ALWAYS BE THERE AS A REMINDER. U CHEATED TWO TIMES AND HE THEN DOES IT BACK AT U SO NONE ARE READY FOR COMMITED RELATION. BOTH OF U SHOULD BREAK UP AND GO TO SEPARTE WAYS. Link to comment
katie_emma Posted October 13, 2005 Share Posted October 13, 2005 I believe it can be overcome, if both of you are willing to put in the time and the effort. It sounds to me like you both realize what you have done wrong... but like a previous poster mentioned, you should seek professional help. Cheating is a major thing. my best friend and her boyfriend were together for 2 years when he cheated on her, he repented, and they gave it another shot. they've been together 3 1/2 years since then, and he has changed his ways. by seeking the help he needs, and being serious about changing. good luck to you 2! Link to comment
yeawutever Posted October 13, 2005 Share Posted October 13, 2005 I believe it can be overcome, if both of you are willing to put in the time and the effort. Well ok, thats ur point of view, but see for me if the guy im to love cheated on me, I WOULD NOT give him second chance, I wouldn't even wanna talk to him. Yea im not a forgiving person. I would imagine that if i were to give it second try, i would be constency wondering if he did it again ot not or only wondeirng where he's is when he's not with me or is late, i wouldn't ever trust him again. So NO, NO i wouldn't put up with it, cuz that would drive me nuts. First chance is enough for me, screw up and ur OUT THE DOOR DUDE. 1 Link to comment
katie_emma Posted October 13, 2005 Share Posted October 13, 2005 Yes, I guess that's our different opinions. I guess I'm a really forgiving person, I believe that anyone can change things if they really want too. I've had first hand experience many times Link to comment
novaseeker Posted October 13, 2005 Share Posted October 13, 2005 It can work, but you both have to (1) really want it to work and (2) be committed to working hard to make it work. More than likely there are issues relating to your relationship, and perhaps issues relating to yourselves and your backgrounds, that led each of you to stray. You need to work hard to unearth what those things are, understand them, and be willing to do what it takes to make changes to your behaviors, habits, beliefs and perspectives in order to break a pattern of action and move past it. It can be done, but you have to realize it will take time and effort and will require changes that you may not want to make. I wish you well in this. Link to comment
TheSmilingTurnip Posted October 13, 2005 Share Posted October 13, 2005 It can definitely work. My BF and I are proof. However, it's different for everyone. I agree with other posters who have stated you should seek couples' counselling. Your friends and family will change their minds as they see that you have changed yours. They'll forgive him if you do, generally. They may have hated on him when he hurt you as support for you. Know what I mean? A lack of world experience and maturity that comes with age can lead others to post unequivocal edicts about what you should do, but you'll need to weigh all your options and go with what best fits your life and feelings. Take what you want and leave the rest. Link to comment
yeawutever Posted October 18, 2005 Share Posted October 18, 2005 Yes Phrecklesrsexy, ur b/f and ur proof. He cheated and u took him back, but I don't think i'll ever be the same as before (the way it was when u didn't found out). Surely not 100% trust like before. When people cheat they REPLACE the one's they're suppsot to like/love, care, and respect. They REPLACE them with another person and not thinking about their lovers in that moment, they're not, they're thinking only of the other person. All i know is i wouldnt' be able to cope with cheating and look at him the same way, I wouldn't. STRIKE ONE AND UR OUT MSITER, NO COUNSELING, NO PUTTING PIECES TOGETHER, NO NOTHING, UR OUT. Link to comment
TheSmilingTurnip Posted October 18, 2005 Share Posted October 18, 2005 Yes Phrecklesrsexy, ur b/f and ur proof. He cheated and u took him back, but I don't think i'll ever be the same as before (the way it was when u didn't found out). Surely not 100% trust like before. When people cheat they REPLACE the one's they're suppsot to like/love, care, and respect. They REPLACE them with another person and not thinking about their lovers in that moment, they're not, they're thinking only of the other person. All i know is i wouldnt' be able to cope with cheating and look at him the same way, I wouldn't. STRIKE ONE AND UR OUT MSITER, NO COUNSELING, NO PUTTING PIECES TOGETHER, NO NOTHING, UR OUT. Nope, it won't be the same as before, that is the truth. But each person who's been cheated on must decide if there are other factors that make it worth salvaging, if they can salvage it or even want to. I don't think anyone can say accross the board that it can't work after someone cheats, nor can they say yes it absolutely will. The poster will have to go with their gut instinct. Link to comment
ScreenagerX Posted October 18, 2005 Share Posted October 18, 2005 Well ok, thats ur point of view, but see for me if the guy im to love cheated on me, I WOULD NOT give him second chance, I wouldn't even wanna talk to him. Yea im not a forgiving person. I would imagine that if i were to give it second try, i would be constency wondering if he did it again ot not or only wondeirng where he's is when he's not with me or is late, i wouldn't ever trust him again. So NO, NO i wouldn't put up with it, cuz that would drive me nuts. First chance is enough for me, screw up and ur OUT THE DOOR DUDE. Ailec1987 maybe you should put that as your signature. Would save you having to re-type it on every post seg172 if you both willing to come to grips with the fact that you both f**ked up then with time you may both be able to forgive each other & move on with your lives together. It'll take some work though. You both have to want it Link to comment
yeawutever Posted October 18, 2005 Share Posted October 18, 2005 Oh well guess yall have different points of views towards. While people forgive and some like me DON'T. Link to comment
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