Midlife Crisis Update.

[worriedman]

We had a bit of a talk last night and I think I convinced her that what was happening really was Midlife Crisis. Its a relief that I now feel able to post my thoughts openly.

 

I told her that I was always going to be there for her and that I love her but that I wasn't going to tell her what to do with her life and I wasn't going to beg her to stay etc. I didn't suggest counselling; I don't think she's ready for that yet. I did suggest that we should buy a book on the subject and both of us read it. Can anyone suggest a good one?

 

At least we were talking and she was telling me about her feelings. She did say that she is wondering whether she should be looking for somebody now to replace me and the family, somebody who will take her to the exciting life she wants and away from the dull life she's in now. Naturally this was not what I wanted to hear, but at least she is being honest with me again and she is listening to what I have to say. She knows my feelings for her and she knows that the kids would be devastated if she left so maybe this along with a good book on MLC and counselling (eventually) could do the trick.

 

How can I provide the excitement she is looking for, given that a big part of that excitement for her comes from the thrill of meeting a new man?

[tobigahart]

Reading a book sounds like a great idea mate. If you stick to it I reckon you'll get through. Sounds like the typical midlife crisis, wanting more out of life... excitement etc. Lets just hope she knows after the excitement wears off she'll be left feeling a hell of alot worse than she does now and she'll have lost (or caused ireversable damage to) the most important things in her life.

But yes, reading a book about all of this will be far more beneficially than listening to me rant on

Keep your head up mate and stick with her alllll the way to the end.

Good Luck

[worriedman]

tobigahart,

 

Many thanks mate, you sound like a typical ausie!

 

I got a real lift reading your message, many others I've had, while being helpful, have been less than optimistic. You can't recomend a particular book at all can you?

 

Personally I'm quite an upbeat sort of person, although outwardly at times I can appear to be your typical "Whinging Pom". As I said to my wife last night, she isn't going to see me sitting around the house in deep depression and I won't be begging her to stay. I will keep reminding her that I love her and that the kids do too.

[segagirl]

Hey again, thanks for the update and the email... I do not have a book either, and I am sure there are plenty of books on the topic. I might even suggest you call a MFT(marriage and family therapist) and ask them to recommend a book. That may be a benchmark to get into services as well (see honey, they know what they are doing...lol)

 

I am so happy and proud that you talked to her, and as you indicated to me even when she was not saying the "nicest" things, you listened....men take note of that! You are open to building and trying and I thank you for that (as does she I assume).

 

We also talked a little about new spice in your life. Your wife is aroused by the thought of being with another man...sure who isn't. But the reality is, she is married...so she will have to use fantasy to open the floodgates. And I don't think I would settle for any less. There are plenty of fun things you can do as a couple including retreats (that also a MFT can share with you about), and even sexually inspired retreats, classes, special events where you are watching or engaging in playful things but not having sex with others (huh...Lol..like a fetish party), depending on where you live the things you and your wife can do to lend some spice are endless...and none need to include sex with others. I would say start to plan some sexually fun things the two of you can do as a couple, so she is not exploring without you!