A question about going after a relationship

[Taomagicdragon]

Okay, here's the thing. When I like a girl, which isn't often, I often have a fantasy of everything going well, i play out scenarios in my head, and work out how things would do wel land would do badly in a relationship with my interest. However, I never do anything, I just waste my while thinking until the possibility is gone. Now, there is a girl I think I may like, however, how does one go about taking the leap and risk losing the fantasy.

 

Background: I tend to only like girls that I am good friends with. Also, my childhood was roughi nwhich my family treated me as a slave and as less than human, full of abuse of all kind in which my father got off sexually with the things he did to me. And my first realtionship was one I was being used in from the start. That should be enough for one to go on.

[melrich]

There is no safe way to "take the leap", there is always the risk that you will get rejected and you should be prepared for that and not take it too personally.

 

Just keep telling yourself what is the worst that can happen...she can say no to a date!! So what. Ity will be forgotten soon after. More than likely if you are reading the signals right she will say yes.

 

Don't pin too much hope on your ideal fantasy coming true. Relationships are hard work and rarely are they the perfect fantasy.

[Taomagicdragon]

by fantasy, i mean thoughts, not perfection. I have no delusions it will always be perfect, I just waste my while thinkign of the good things and the bad things to be. Think of it liek virtual relationships

[passions1]

Instead of daydreaming too much until your chance passes you by, you will need to be more realistic & take your opportunity when it's there regardless of the outcome. Since you tend to go for girls who are already your friends, then see if you can talk & spend more time with them on a 1-to-1 basis. Eventually asking questions of what kind of guys they tend to be attracted to & see if you fit that category. You don't want to be end up as a "typical platonic" guy friend by always being there for her physically when she needs someone to hang out or call up. I will agree that in the beginning most girls tend to want the bad boy type, but then will eventually grow out of it once they mature.

[melrich]

OK I get it. But the advice still stands. don't be afraid of reality, the worst that can happen is not that bad and the best that can happen is well worth the risk. I know this is easy to say but at some point you should try to step out of fantasy and into reality. May as well be now.

 

Let us know how you go.

[Taomagicdragon]

Thank you all thus far, I will continue to "test the waters" so to speak. Feel around and make progress toward reality, not just looking at the world through a mirror. Anyother things i should keep in mind?