Do relationships somehow alienate friends?

[Double J]

In April, I graduated from the two year college I was in. That seemed to mark a new era in my life. It was around the time that I got into a wonderful relationship that I've been in now for 7 months, I got a new job, and I was in the process of transferring to the university to complete my bachelors degree.

 

About a year and a half prior to this time in April, I had made a smooth transition to the two year college. I met so many friends in the small honors program I was in that I loved it. But I could recall that at that time, I wasn't content enough because I wanted a relationship to go along w/ the many friends.

 

I met one particular friend that I got along w/ from the start. We had some classes together, and he eventually got kicked out of the honors program but we stayed in touch. The friendship grew stronger over time - we played basketball at least once a week, sometimes ate lunch, talked a lot about girls, and the like. Besides basketball and lunch or dinner, we never went elsewhere (excluding on my birthday) because apparently his financial situation isn't all that good. That's why I'm guessing anyway because I always invited him to hang out at the movies and he quietly declined.

 

To make the long story short, around the time that I was getting ready to graduate from the two year college, I got into this relationship with my g/f, and that's precisely when me and my buddy started to grow apart. The basketball games seemingly stopped, and after one day in early april when we played I haven't seen him again ever since. The last day that we attempted to play, we agreed to meet at the park, but since it was so full and with no place to park, I had to leave home (he didn't have a cell with him). I have the feeling that he thought I did it on purpose, or that I never showed up because I was with my g/f or something. He seemed upset about it big time and still seemed upset when I tried to explain it to him.

 

I recently emailed him telling him that I kinda missed the basketball nights, how competitive and fun it was. He told me online one night that now he's busier than ever - working fulltime and going to school. I understand that it's a reason why he's never around anymore, but the question is, is it the only reason?

 

It's expected that once you transfer schools, your friendships with certain people won't ever be the same again, but after such a strong friendship that began in late '03, there's no reason why him and I can't play at least once a month (I put it in the email).

 

The funny thing is that, as I said before, when him and I were very close, and I had so many friends around, I was longing for a relationship at the time. Now that I do have the relationship, I'm longing for friends again. Funny how life is.

 

I love my relationship and couldn't be happier, but I need more of a balance between girlfriend and another social outlet with different people. I know I can meet friends at my university, but I honestly miss this friend of mine. He hasn't replied to my email yet.

 

My question to you guys is this: Should I call him and tell him how I feel about the friendship? The last time I spoke to him online I told him we needed to save some time to play once in a while and he was like "yeah sure man" but something tells me he just said that out of courtesy.

 

How should I approach this and when should it be time to say "the past is the past, time to move on"?

 

Looking forward to your comments.

[heartfelt2005]

I would certainly throw a call his way, and just be open and honest. Maybe schedule a time to just meet some where and talk face to face if he is willing to. That will show him you are genuine about it, and that you truly do miss the friendship...

 

Just my thoughts...

[Taomagicdragon]

talk with him, friendship is a two-way street and you should do anything you can if you want to save the friendship. Also, talking with him to find out how he feels and basically settign everything straight. Then you both will have to work hard to make sure distance, time, social circles, etc doesn't affect the friendship.

 

In short: A friendship requires two to start and two to fall apart.