GF quickly replaced me.

[lionheart]

My girlfriend just broke it off with me 5 weeks ago. I found out that she started seeing someone within 2 weeks after breaking up with me. (I broke NC after 3 weeks and talked to her). What does this all mean? We talked about kids, and marriage and plans for the future. How could she just dump me and start seeing someone else right away? She said she just met the person, but I feel like she probably knew him for awhile. We were together for 3 years. After the first year, she cheated on me by going to a couple's spa with some guy. She and him disrobed and she told me they kissed, but nothing else happened. (I still don't know what to believe) I was upset and mad, but I still loved her, and brushed it off as her being young and naive, and we slowly worked things out. It took me a long time to trust her again. We were on/off again a few times after that. But she showed me that she really loved me, and I believed her. Now, I just don't know what to think of her. I'm just floored at what has happened to me/us. It's not totally her fault, she wanted to get married, and so did I, but I didn't want to feel pressured into it. She would ask me constantly when we would get married. And given the circumstances, I wanted to take things slowly.

 

I am in strict NC right now, but the whole thought of her dating someone so quickly makes me feel like I never knew her. Yet so many times with her, I can think back and believe that she really did love me. I'm confused and don't know what to think of her these days. Don't even know if I can be friends with her either. I still have many deep feelings for her, but they die a little everyday, which make me sad. I know this is probably a blessing in disguise, but it hurts nevertheless.

 

What does it say about a woman who can dump you and then be in the arms of another man so quickly?

[Mrocza]

She cheated on you after the first year. That should have been enough of a sign.

[volution]

It is hard - when you are left alone, burdened with the knowledge that someone you loved, didn't really love you... Love isn't about who we feel like having sex with, or looks beautiful at one moment in time...

 

Believe me - I know how you feel - I've talked with a woman about getting married, and having children; she told me I was the best thing that ever happened to her, and all kinds of other things.

I believe now that she was only saying the things that would coax me to stay in love with her, so she could use me. Perhaps this was the same with you...

 

It's hard to stop thinking of someone you cared about, even if they have hurt you - jealousy, rage, hate, ambivalence, depression, fear, anger - so many emotions one can go through.

It's funny too - about pressure - I was pressured too... I lost my virginity to the woman, and she kept going about marriage and children and everything, but I believe she only wanted me for sex after I found out some things later on...

I wanted to go slowly too - it was my first and only ever relationship with a woman (it was an LDR)... I went from only ever previously kissing a girl out of drunkeness, to having full on nymphomania thrust upon me with marriage/children/soulmate/eternal-love talk thrown in from the first night we met in person!

After being dumped in the most coldest of ways, I fell apart, went crazy for a few weeks, and almost killed myself on several occasions.

 

It takes a great deal of time to get over someone, months, perhaps even years... And it is so hard to stop thinking of them, even now I think about this woman occasionally - I wonder if ever I will feel the touch of a woman again, let alone make love or get married...

 

But I *can* say this one thing...

A woman that cares so much about someone that she will find another to take their place so callously and quickly, doesn't deserve to be called a 'woman' nor does she know what 'love' is...

[Mstyiyd]

She sounds like a lot of women I know. (But I do know alot of good, kind ones as well!)

Like, she wanted her cake and eat it, too. I think what sucks alot of us in to people like her is their manipulation.......that part of someone's personality is very forceful.

Think about it, would YOU have been able to get away with the crap she pulled on you if you reversed the situation? Heck, no! But somehow people like her can. And you wouldn't really want to, anyways.

What you can also remember is the grass isn't always greener. People who cheat always have to keep that excitement up, so this new guy will someday be replaced by another one when she gets bored with him. Cheating is like a drug for people; hard to break that habit. I think NC all the way is for you! I am doing it myself with my ex for different reasons than you, but it's been a little over a month for me and it is still excruciating, I won't lie, but I feel like for once I have the upper hand now. At the very least, you may feel like me after a while

-good luck, and be strong!

[lionheart]

Volution, sorry to hear the heartbreak and pain you went through. But like you, I think I wear my heart on my sleeve. Just got to learn from your previous experiences to help you choose a better partner in the future. I'm sure you'll find someone better who will make you happy someday. I don't really think about being in a relationship right now either, but I think that's natural. Just got to take some time and heal and be 100% fresh for the next lucky girl that you will meet.

[kellbell]

Hey there,

 

I am sorry you are going through this. I love it when people say about cheating, "we only kissed...nothing more. I have seen that countless times in this forum. To answer your question of how she can go to another guy after breaking up with is that she was OVER you before you guys broke up. This girls sounds selfish and immarture. Just take things one day at a time, go into strict NC, and try to keep busy. Wishing you the best and take care.

[lionheart]

Thanx Mstyiyd. It's been tough for me as well, but like they say, only time will heal. Wish you luck in your NC endeavor. Getting that call from your ex (that you decide whether or not to answer) after NC makes it all worthwhile. But really, from what I've read, when you don't care anymore, whether they call or not, you'll know you're over them. Good luck.

[Mstyiyd]

anytime, Lionheart. I feel better when i get online after work and read everyone's posts and updates. It's like you start knowing about people's lives like you know your own friends! I take comfort in these boards at this time in my life.

You are right.....by the time an ex gets around to calling you hope you actually don't care. I still care, and I know I would respond to any TC (telephone call) she might give because of my feelings and being a curious person by nature. However, that does not mean i will get sucked back into anything and if i do, i will ask advice on here.

No one should want to be with someone who doesn't want them. But, we tend to remember the positive times we had with our exes and justify alot of their behavior for long periods of time before we wise up.

Everything happens for a reason. We just may not see it for some time.

Stay strong

[heloladies21]

When an ex moves on so fast after the break up, it shows they never truly cared about you. This much is for sure. And cheating is the most cruel thing anyone can ever do. No way to fully recover trust in someone when they do that. You were smart to not get married.

 

You know what to do, NC 100%. Go to the gym, concentrate on school/work, buy nice clothes, and most important thing party party party. Talk to other girls at the very least. Nothing wrong with casual conversation at the very least and it will make you feel better for sure.

 

Take care of yourself. You can do it.

[polaris]

What does it say about a woman who can dump you and then be in the arms of another man so quickly?

 

It says you had a narrow escape. Seriously, although I know you'll feel like crap right now, eventually you'll be thankful you were able to get out before it went any further, such as marriage, and she did it then. And she would have. I'm afraid it's usually a case of once a cheater, always a cheater.

 

One of my ex's had sex with someone the same night after we split up, and she'd only known the guy for a couple of weeks. Should I have seen it coming? Hell yeah. She wanted to have sex with me on the first date. Flattering at the time, but that should have told me something. If I didn't get that, I should have got the fact that she cheated on her previous three bfs (which was all of them). Did I read the signs? Of course not, because I didn't want to.

 

Don't feel bad about it, although it's horribly painful, and makes you wonder how much she really cared for you and all that sort of stuff, in the end it says far more (negative) about her than it does about you. She can be replaced in your life by someone who can show loyalty and treat you properly. She, however, can't replace herself in her own life; she'll have to live with being someone who cheats on people and treats them with disrespect, and she'll find that eventually, it costs her far more than it costs anyone else.

 

Good luck to you.