NC but his birthday is coming up

[PartlySunny]

My (ex)BF and I have not talked in 13 days. We have been together since December 2003, but things have been very difficult since July, and since then we've only seen each other about 1x a week. About 2 weeks ago, we had a bad falling out, after which I wrote him to tell him this wasn't going to work anymore, and he emailed me to tell me not to email him anymore.

 

However, we have had some bad incidents like this before. It has never gone on this long where we have had no contact whatsoever. My question is, his birthday is coming up in 10 days, and if we still don't have contact by then, I'm not sure how to handle it. I would feel bad about ignoring it altogether, but I don't know how I feel about doing something about it if I haven't talked to him. I'm afraid he would be really hurt if I didn't acknowledge it.

 

I was thinking about getting him flowers and leaving them at his door anonymously. But then what if he messages me to ask if I did it? I don't really want to answer and tell him it was me. I don't want to lie and deny it either.

[Dannysgirl]

If its definitely over between you and he has requested that you don't contact him anymore I would respect his wishes and not contact him even if it is his birthday, hearing from you might upset him all over again and ruin his birthday.

Continuing NC is the only way that you will both be able to heal and move on regardless of whether its his birthday or not. Unless of course you want to get back together?

[Beec]

What's the matter with a card? I'd send one, with a vague message other than hope you have a happy birthday. Perhaps a small gift, but it would be real small.

[toonsy]

I say 'no' on the small gift.

Mailing something is more effort than an email, so it shows effort on your part.

If anything.....just an email. Just 2 words.

 

Happy Birthday.

[annie24]

he emailed me to tell me not to email him anymore

 

I dunno .... This is more than enough for me to get the hint.

 

In the past, when I've told a person not to contact me, and they keep on doing it, it only makes me even more upset.

[Echo]

This is for Annie....

 

Did the contact upset you, even after a significant amount of NC? What if there was sufficient time in between?

[annie24]

Well, normally, I might write a PM to you privately, but I'll just write my POV here, because it relates.

 

My old bf contacted me after 3 years of NC wanting to get back together. I was unsure, and wanted to take it slow. He was calling me 2x a day, and e-mailing me 2 times a day. I told him to please scale back the contact, and he didn't. He just kept it up. So, then I told him to never ever ever contact me again. I didn't like that he wasn't respecting my wishes.

 

I think that if he told you within the last few weeks not to contact him, best to listen to him. Now, if a few months had passed, more time to cool off, then maybe send an e-mail. But, 13 days..... I would leave him alone because that's what he specifically requested.

[Echo]

Thanks Annie...NOT trying to Hijack the post but I was just curious. I am PMing you also.

[PartlySunny]

In my situation, he has told me that before.. after we got into a fight. Of course, since I respect his boundaries, I didn't contact him. 2 days later, he called me, asking me why I wasn't returning his emails. I told him i was just respecting his wishes. So he tells me, with a smiley face, "you are so stubborn!"

 

Game playing. Or he said it out of anger.

[annie24]

Oh blah. I hate those types.

 

Ok, in that case, quick e-mail. Something like, "Happy birthday - have a great day!"

 

That's it. No more than that.

[toonsy]

And the number one thing??

Do it with NO EXPECTATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!

No reply, no reaction...nothing!!!