strange relationship...with a married man!

[Dazed2005]

I started a new job a few months ago, and in doing so have met a guy who I have grown increasingly close to. He has made his feelings for me clear- he says he is in love with me, and I know this is both on a physical and emotional level. He said he shares with me things he is unable to tell anyone else.

Although I do feel I am in love with him, and I think about him all the time, it is purely an emotional attachment. I am not physically attracted to him and he is almost twice the age of me.

One of the biggest problems is he is married and has a family. Although I know nothing physical would ever happen between us, I almost feel like I am having some kind of emotional affair with him. He Surely shouldn't have the feelings he has for me if he was happy in his marriage.

However because I care for him so much I don't want to lose the connection we have. I find it hard to relate or get close to people and since I can with him I am scared to lose that. But should I carry this on? Am I in the wrong? And is it possible for me to be in love with him even though I'm not physically attracted to him, or am I just caught in the moment?

Please help!

[annie24]

Hi - welcome to eNotalone. Hmmm.... married and kids. Yes, that's an obstacle, isn't it?

 

Listen - you deserve better than this. This man can't give you what you want. As alluring as he is, you have to realize that there are single men out there, just like him!

 

If he really is in love with you, tell him you'll date him, but only once he's divorced. Until then, hands off!

 

Save yourself and his wife A LOT of heartache. Stay away from this guy, and find a single verision of him out there somewhere.

 

good luck

[shes2smart]

Yes, it is an emotional affair...not to mention a huge waste of your time. All the time you spend interacting with, thinking about and anything else having to do with him is time you aren't able to spend meeting someone who's single and available and able to devote 100% of his time and attention to a relationship with you.

 

Right now, you are settling for crumbs, as is anyone who gets involved with a married or otherwise spokent for person. If he gets you emotionally involved at a deep enough level, it will be a only a matter of time before it becomes physical.

 

Do yourself a favor and keep the relationship strictly work-related. Value yourself enough that you won't settle for someone who can be there only part-time for you at best.

[volution]

Why do many women prefer a man that is attached as opposed to one that isn't???!!!!

Perhaps it's some kind of in-built drive that suggests that someone who is already in a relationship is sucessful and a more 'fertile' partner? That single people have got something wrong with them!#&*^&!

[kuhl282000]

Hello

 

Married men are a lost cause, if they cheat on there wife. They will end up cheating on you. Run like the wind, and get out and cut it off while you can.

 

Its always bad for somebody in the end....and their is an end. You make the end and save yourself.

 

Good Luck, you will need it

 

Kuhl

 

 

[Tylin]

Why do many women prefer a man that is attached as opposed to one that isn't???!!!!

 

In my fairly naive experience, I've met people that were married and automatically categorized them as "safe" (ie: no sexual tension to worry about, they are taken). So I didn't worry too much about creating boundaries with them-- I assumed they were already there.

Unfortunately, this is often an incorrect assumption because many married people flirt and aren't faithful. In a case like this where people aren't guarding their hearts, I can see where the attraction might find places to take root.

[annie24]

It's not everyday that you find someone that you really "click" with. That "click" is pretty rare.

 

But still Dazed2005, if this is the man you set your sights upon, then you will most likely be sitting around WAITING for him... to leave his wife. First he will say, not until after the holidays, then after valentine's day, then after his wife's birthday, then, once the kids go off to camp.... Pretty soon it's been years.

 

I know of some married men who married their mistresses. However, I'm willing to say, that 90% of the time, the first scenario occurs.

 

They ALL say that, 'my wife is horrible to me, we don't have a good relationship.' I swear, it's part of some "script".

 

Even though you feel something for him, it's just completely wasting your time. People who continuously get involved with married people have some self-esteem issues. I think it's because they feel they aren't worthy of someone who loves them and only them.

 

It's hard, but just keep telling yourself that there must be a man out there who is just like him, only single! Good luck!

[kingakrav]

there is only one thing which to my opinion lead your choises,

maybe in all what related to "new love".

people always, when already have feeling for someone, knows exactly what it really means for them.

they dont really need to spend 2, 5 or 20 years to discover they just dont fit.

they just knew it all along but felt...somehow that they cant break it.

so i think, better to look inside the heart, it takes one minute top,

just that some never even doen it really,

and there you would see how really you feel for him.

seek for the truth from your heart, but the whole truth.

weather it worth something ALL the way!

for all life or not.

is HE the one or not?

thats it.

there is no need to grow any feelings for something false,

sometimes we have strong feelings which just pass quickly,

but they arent true and permanent.

just need to realise it about them, then its easy.

 

so work in realising weather HE is the one or not.

go full power farward with what you find inside your heart.