trying to manage

[DiscipleOfChange]

For the most part, I feel this year is coming along well. I've taken a nother step in my social-skill building life and have asked two girls for coffee. Now, the first one said yes but we didnt set up a time when I asked and she didnt return a message I left on her phone. The other had something to do after class but I'll ask her again on monday. I've gotten my face out there and people reckognize me and say hi.

 

But I still feel lonely sometimes.

 

I have a double room and no roommate, which is nice because of the space and privacy but in my case the downside is the silence. There just isnt anyone to talk to. I'm, convinced Ive got a grip on how I go about approaching women and I know Im not desperate for a relationship. But why do I still feel like having someone to hold? That's really all I want in a relationship. Not sex or passionate nights, rather just someone to hold hands with, cuddle up to and feel warm with.

 

here's another thing, this year, my second year at college, I've started drinking, every weekend. And I know Im not addicted. but I am always a little happier with a little something in me. I have NEVER gotten sick from drinking and never seriously injured myself. I just wish that I could have all the fun other people do without getting drunk. I just dont have a circle of friends. I mean I get a long with people but I'm not "tight" with anyone as many other people are. And I find that sometimes it doesnt bother me and other times it does. I've been reclusive all my life, and Im trying to change that, but I've gotten so use to doing things on my own I think I tend to default to that. Example: Its 7:47 on a Saturday night and here I am, alone in my room, writing a rant. I have homework I could work on but thats what Sunday is for. About half an hour ago I actually had to take a moment just to let out some tears and I dont know why.

 

I have a long pillow (they're called body hug pillows) and every night as I go to sleep I hold it as if there were someone next to me. Not really thinking about anyone specific but rather just someone else. Does anybody think this is weird?

 

Ill stop there because Ive gone on for too long but Ill summarize the questions.

 

1. Is it so bad that I tend to have a better time on the weekends with a little alcohol in me?

 

2. Is my view on a relationship not rational in a college environment

 

3. Is holding a pillow at night corny, silly or weird?

 

I appreciate anyone who has taken the time to read or skim all this and offered any words of advice

 

~Mark

[darkblue]

Hi Mark.

 

1. Is it so bad that I tend to have a better time on the weekends with a little alcohol in me?

 

2. Is my view on a relationship not rational in a college environment

 

3. Is holding a pillow at night corny, silly or weird?

 

1 - As long as you don't do it often when your alone; it's not a bad thing. Some people find it easier to socialise and loosen up with some alcohol.

 

2 - As long as you're happy; it doesn't really matter what other people think. I don't think it's irrational however.

 

3. No.

[heloladies21]

It doesn't sound like you have an alcohol problem, and just so you know a whole lot of people (me included lol) like the feeling with a few drinks in them. It's OK.

 

College is a great place to find and be in a relationship, but you're probably not ready for that yet. You need to keep building on your skills with women (which you're doing good at, keep it up) so you don't just jump at the first girl who sleeps with you and make her your whole world. Sometimes guys do this with girls who are not so deserving.

 

The pillow thing is fine.

 

If you haven't been a social person your whole life, it's going to take some work and time to change things. If you're in a dorm, just get to know the people who live around you. Go up to their door, knock, and say hi. Go inside and hang out, talk about school, chicks, sports, anything. You'll get to know their friends and then you're off to a good start.

[laclarita]

i know all about being lonely. i live pretty much alone too in an apartment, no real friends to call up whenever i want to do something random, i know people but no real friends. some people use the internet to meet people, in my town there is craigslist, but i kind of get scared of meeting people cause what if i don't like them in person or something???

but yeah, i'm sympathetic about the lonely thing, just keep trying to ask whatever friends or acquaintances you have to go do stuff, you'll meet more people that way, maybe find someone to date, maybe...

[anonymous_presence]

Your effort to try and change your reclusiveness is laudable and the first step to making any real changes in your life. Good job on that! It's only natural to want to feel closer to people and to feel like having someone to hold and cherish, but that comes with time and patience. Going out on weekends is good, and having some alcohol in your system is fine to ease the cogs in your confidence, but just don't overdo it.

As for your views on relationships - that's absolutely normal. Just bear in mind that this could be a weakness in the sense that when you meet someone, you might latch on a little too strongly thinking that this person is the one. Take things slowly when you meet someone - focus more on trying to get to know people rather than trying to find that special person to cuddle up with.