nobody can relate....try

[Emotional]

There is so much to tell yall! I am feeling jelous

of every girl in my school pretty much. Every one

has those cute mousy faces and pretty full lips and

light blue/green/hazel eyes. They all seem happy and

they all seem so open about who they are. Maybe its because

they don't know what its like to have a low self esteem, have

parents who dont give two S***s about you and because

they don't know what having it "hard" even means.

 

Im not putting them down, I just wish I could be

more like them. I wish I could be like everyone else.

 

Does anyone remember that song from Barny? You are special!?

Okay that song makes me sick to my stomach. Right now I'm

at the point where I may not even graduate high school. I let myself

get raped when intoxicated, lost tons of my friends, havebeen

betrayed more times than i could count and just am having

a rough life. I wish I was never born, literally.

 

Theres no cause for my existence, accept to preach the gossple

to people who are not christian and saved,

 

I dont have a place where I belong. My home feels more like

a prison. I talked my dad into letting my friend live with us

since she got kicked out of her apt. and her dad is a jerk and

now I feel like she is just using me. I don't feel like a friend, she

is always gone, work or with her boyfriend.

 

my moms addicted to meth and my dad is addicted

to pills and is bi-polar and really talkitive and weird.

 

Will I ever get out of here? Should I just test the suicide

thing now? Duuude I'm not trying to make ne one feel

a bit of sympathy, I dont have sympathy for myself.

 

Im just wondering...what should i do?

 

I dont know what to do, I need counceling, but my dad

sucks. I need so much, but my dad sucks. I can't even

talk to him anymore without him blaming me for something so

silly as to taking his lighter. I think I might have herpes simplez on my genital area, Im so f****D.. I can't talk to my brother, he hates me.

I don't blame him, I hate myself and want to die. I have

no life away from home and school, which i transferred and my

dad pretty much is making the girl that lives with us drop me off

everyday. Im afraid to go outside of my house and walk around

in the naiborhood because the girl who i was with the night

i let myself get raped lives one street down from me. Im not

scared of her, Im scared of who she might be with.

 

I don't know what to do. I feel ugly, used, and hurt. I feel

unloved, negative, and not worth while.

 

I dont know where to go or what to do.

 

I was thinking about becoming a stripper, but I'm not

that cordinated when it comes to dancing, Then a hooker

came to my mind, but I wouldn't be lowering myself down to that.

 

I rely on everyone else, but myself. I feel like killing

myself....I feel like starving myself...Its like my life sucks

 

seriously...Can you even compare to what I have been

through?

[Nkaleidoscopic]

Sorry if I'm being kinda mean, but this post pissed me off. First off, you need to be thankful of your life. You need to be thankful that you are in america and actually have a computer and that you can actually post in this forum.

 

Yes, there's people who have had it worse than you. Much worse, theres people that actually DO live in a prision LITTERALY for their beliefs, etc.

 

Sorry if this sounds harsh, but stop complaining, stop whining, stop crying about your life. You're not the only girl that has been raped. You're not the only person with parents that do drugs. Hey at least you HAVE parents.

 

If you really want to do something, go into foster care.

[swift44]

you need to relax, your bugging out, look dotn looka t what other people have because it makesit harder for you to see what you have, and as for lwettin yourself be taken advantaged of and stuff thats reaaaaaal messed up you need to chill before you seriously hurt yourself, i think you need to set yaself straight and looka t the person you want to be despite how ahrd it may be and impossible justy try it and do it with a goal in mind things can work out more, just stop hurtin yaself liek this ok

[stratguy620]

Although I think the last poster was a bit harsh, she was correct in several points. Your situation isnt going to get any better on its own. You need to be active, and create change. You know exactly what you need to do to help repair all these issues. There are so many people resources and people out there trying to help people like you. And btw, I have been inyour situation, I can relate, and I do know how you feel...

[Amannamederic]

probably a bit too harsh there ^^^^

 

yeah i agree, things might be grim, but a few things you said arent as bad as they seem. You aren't a horrible person because you got raped. You did not LET him rape you ya know? Im guessing you were so drunk/high or whatever that you couldn't make an effort to fight it off. Your parents doing pills and meth certainly is bad. However, you are in control of your own life and i'm going to say that if you really wanted out of the situation you could make it happen. Not because its the fairy-tale ending to that story, but because i have a friend who is just like you only her dad is addicted to cocaine and mom can't really hold a job.

 

He sold her guitar, her one hobby, for a fix, instead of wallowing she went out and told herself she wouldnt live that life herself, long story short, she took the ACT test, got a 29 on her first try by just studying by herself and can pick from any school in the country. She will be re-taking it after paying for classes by herself in hopes of recieving a score in the mid 30's.

 

Everybody has problems, chances are these "perfect" girls you see are dying inside for someone who understands them. Some of them are just too stubborn to think outside the lines and find a real friend. Just because a person is covered in the stereotypical image of beauty, doesn't make them happy.

 

Commenting on something else i read, yeah, suicide might seem like a fantastic idea to you, hell, its seemed that way to all of us at one point in time or another, but what happens if you actually kill yourself? Your parents would be glad? Your friend would be relieved? Wrong. The depression would probably cause your parents to dive deeper into drugs, possibly leading into an Overdose case just trying to make the pain go away...if they die its your fault. Your friend will feel so guilty and out of place in the house she lives in that she will be forced to probably leave, move in with a boyfriend who will probably dump her and end up homeless. I'm not saying this is def. what would happen, more along the lines of a worst case-yet-very-possible one.

 

Just try to stick it out, your 17, in a year or so max your life will be in your hands, you don't have to go back but anybody thinking that 17 years is enough is just dead wrong.

 

-Eric

[Caldus]

There is so much to tell yall! I am feeling jelous

of every girl in my school pretty much. Every one

has those cute mousy faces and pretty full lips and

light blue/green/hazel eyes. They all seem happy and

they all seem so open about who they are. Maybe its because

they don't know what its like to have a low self esteem, have

parents who dont give two S***s about you and because

they don't know what having it "hard" even means.

 

I'm willing to bet that alot of those girls at your school have low self-esteem too. Those 'mousy faces' and such are, in some cases, merely a front they put up to block the insecurities they have. Everyone has little insecurities. It's a matter of how much insecurity they show. Most spend too much time trying to put up a front rather than truly dealing with the issues. Looks like you want to actually fix your issues which is awesome.

 

I've talked to many girls. And I can tell right away if they're insecure behind those 'mousy faces' right away. So not sure if they should really be thinking that their insecurities are hidden.

 

Im not putting them down, I just wish I could be

more like them. I wish I could be like everyone else.

 

No. Don't be like everyone else. It's boring to be part of the flock of sheep. Live your life!

 

Does anyone remember that song from Barny? You are special!?

Okay that song makes me sick to my stomach.

 

I hear ya. Makes me want to vomit everytime too.

 

Theres no cause for my existence, accept to preach the gossple

to people who are not christian and saved,

 

I would hope that's not what they said word for word. Otherwise, I would not attend there anymore.

 

I was thinking about becoming a stripper, but I'm not

that cordinated when it comes to dancing, Then a hooker

came to my mind, but I wouldn't be lowering myself down to that.

 

Why did you think about becoming a stripper or a hooker?

 

I rely on everyone else, but myself. I feel like killing

myself....I feel like starving myself...Its like my life sucks

 

seriously...Can you even compare to what I have been

through?

 

Sort of. I had similar types of thoughts when I was in high school. Even ran away from home one time. I made it through everything in the end. You will too.

 

Have a look at something I made in another topic. It's long, but perhaps a good read: link removed

 

Also, as for what you can do ...

 

Talk to a counselor at your school. Or someone from your church. Get some cool new hobbies. What do you like to do? Do something fun. Keep doing it. I'm glad you posted a topic about this. It's definitely a big step in the right direction.

[Caldus]

Sorry if I'm being kinda mean, but this post pissed me off. First off, you need to be thankful of your life. You need to be thankful that you are in america and actually have a computer and that you can actually post in this forum.

 

Yes, there's people who have had it worse than you. Much worse, theres people that actually DO live in a prision LITTERALY for their beliefs, etc.

 

Sorry if this sounds harsh, but stop complaining, stop whining, stop crying about your life. You're not the only girl that has been raped. You're not the only person with parents that do drugs. Hey at least you HAVE parents.

 

If you really want to do something, go into foster care.

 

Well this is after all a forum for people to vent their frustrations. You expect people in this forum not to vent how jealous they are of certain things? The fact that she vented here in the first place is an indication that she is seeking support, which is a humongous step if you've ever dealt with depression/jealousy.

[Nkaleidoscopic]

Well this is after all a forum for people to vent their frustrations. You expect people in this forum not to vent how jealous they are of certain things? The fact that she vented here in the first place is an indication that she is seeking support, which is a humongous step if you've ever dealt with depression/jealousy.

 

Yes I know, but I guess it just arose emotion in me because I wasnt born into alot of the good conditions other people have been born into, yet I still make it through. What was I supposed to say? "Thats very healthy" ?

[Caldus]

Well this is after all a forum for people to vent their frustrations. You expect people in this forum not to vent how jealous they are of certain things? The fact that she vented here in the first place is an indication that she is seeking support, which is a humongous step if you've ever dealt with depression/jealousy.

 

Yes I know, but I guess it just arose emotion in me because I wasnt born into alot of the good conditions other people have been born into, yet I still make it through. What was I supposed to say? "Thats very healthy" ?

 

Nope not at all. In fact I definitely wouldn't say that either.

 

However, to me, it doesn't suffice to just say 'stop complaining' and so forth. I know it seems like she is simply complaining, but she also asks what she can do about her feelings and her situation. In my opinion, it would be more productive to learn more about her situation or offer suggestions. That way, she provides more information or possibly makes use of the suggestions offered.

 

By the way, Emotional, always remember the name of this site. It's always a good reminder that several (and I mean several) people suffer from similar situations as yours.

[annie24]

I know this is hard, but try not to be jealous of other people. I think there is no doubt that you weren't dealt a very good hand when it comes to life. But, behind their cute faces and designer jeans, these girls may also have some serious problems that they like to keep hidden from the world. Their parents may also have drug problems, the girls may also have low-self esteem, eating disorders, also been raped.... a whole host of other things.

 

It's like the show "Desperate Housewives." On the surface, these women seem like they are perfect, with their perfect homes and great clothes and makeup, but you soon see that their lives couldn't be any more messed up.

 

Focus on you. I promise you, everything will get better when you move out and get your own place. Enroll in a college, get an education. These schools also have counseling services that you can utilize for free.

 

I found that my life got a lot better once I moved out on my own. You may find the same thing.

 

Good luck!

[Napoleon Bonaparte]

Nk feel more pain than others despite having been born into on the surface better circumstances. it all depends on the brain and the amount of isolation she feels

you acted way to harsh

[Emotional]

I dont know. It just hurts.

nobody can really understand

my pain and what im going

through. But thanks for

tryin.

 

I undertstand a lot of people have it

a lot worse. Like hurricane kat , I am

not comparin, Its just This sucks to

he here on earth right now, its more

like a eternity in hell.

 

I only have like 5 true friends and all of

them live far from me, besides the girl

who is staying in my house, its more like

shes keepin her crap in my room and its

more like shes always with her stupid

soon to be 35 year old bf, get this! She's

only 18. But yeah...this is gay.

[Caldus]

I dont know. It just hurts.

nobody can really understand

my pain and what im going

through. But thanks for

tryin.

 

It's always tough for anyone to understand exactly what kind of feelings other people are going through. I think to try is a great thing though.

 

I undertstand a lot of people have it

a lot worse. Like hurricane kat , I am

not comparin, Its just This sucks to

he here on earth right now, its more

like a eternity in hell.

 

Of course the Katrina victims have it much worse. But it's too easy to acknowledge how bad your own feelings are as well and I'm sure every human being with a conscious knows what I'm talking about. Sometimes, you just kind of tune in with how you're feeling because you're the most conscious of your own feelings and not others. It's just human nature. And this resembles too much how I used to feel during my high school years.

 

I only have like 5 true friends and all of

them live far from me, besides the girl

who is staying in my house, its more like

shes keepin her crap in my room and its

more like shes always with her stupid

soon to be 35 year old bf, get this! She's

only 18. But yeah...this is gay.

 

Well let her make mistakes. We all do. To be honest I only consider very few people to be true friends myself. In fact, I know so many people and talk to so many people at my college every day, but in the end I would say that I have maybe around five friends at the most. It's not about the quantity of friends at all. If your five friends are good friends then that's all you need. Besides, who can keep up with 50 friends anyway?

[kuhl282000]

Hello

 

I have read allot about jealousy and I have personally seen what it does to people. It can really destroy and distort things to the point of no return if you let it. Jealousy is the ultimate form of caring for another person, you hurt because you do care. However if the jealousy gets hold of you it can send you into a mad rage, it has even driven people mad to the point of killing another person. I suggest you get a grip on your feelings somehow and if you can't on your own. Then see a doctor and take a pill until you can calm down.

 

We sometimes have to let people go in our lives, otherwise they can do us harm in more ways than one.

 

Good Luck

 

Kuhl

 

8)

[Emotional]

im not crazy am i?

all of that didnt help me.

 

i feel so ugly and not worth it.

 

I may fufill my dream tonight.

 

i just want to start out brand new, I want

to be innocent, its rough yall~

 

I consider so many of you good friends because

yall are here when i need to get cheered up~ thanks

all of yall for the comments.

 

right now, I may not have the guts to end it all

but lastnight i had a dream i tried shubbing a

butcher knife through my stomach and It wouldn't

go through deep enough. and the other dream was

about dance and that I was at the assembly but it was

at the park and when the girls and i began our dance

I stepped once but then ran off and everybody was

laughing at me.

 

i dont know, i feel like im not taken seriously EVER

even if its my passion, nobody hears me or understands

me, i guess. I want to fufill my dream of becoming someone

important that a person could look up to, but right now im

just Roxy, the Nobody...

 

im done complaining...thanks for caring

[kuhl282000]

Hello Roxie

 

I'm really sorry that you are feeling so much inner pain. I have been there myself so I really do know. It can be real empty and very lonely in the place your in right now. When i was there I remember one think that I had to make very clear only to myself was how I was thinking. Because at the time, I was not thinking clearly at all.

 

When your having dreams and thoughts about a butcher knife, you have to take a "GIANT" step back and say hey what a minute. Why am I letting this get the best of me........sit in a quiet place, relax, take a deep breath and do anything you can to calm your racing thoughts from getting the best of you. First of all, we all die someday, life really is a short journey what do we all really have on this planet 60, 80, if we are lucky maybe a

100 years if we are really lucky. You are 17 Roxie, and have not even lived 20% of your natural life. Slow down, and relax and get your head back in the right perspective.

 

First of all stop feeling sorry for yourself, if you need to get taken serious.

I can understand that, that has happened to me. And if you let yourself continue to be influenced by others who are negative towards you. It already has and will effet you in a big way. My suggestion is, take a look at your approach, and why you would think they would not take you serious. And then change that in a totally different approach. I'm not sure if this is your family, or friends treating you like this. But who ever it is, if it keeps up, you need maybe start looking for some new friends.

 

You can change allot of things at your age, you still have that power if you choose to use it. You can really really do anything you put your mind to doing. Set some new goals for Roxie, and just start with little ones at first.

Even if you fail the first time out, don't get disappointed just keep pushing on, you can do anything you set your mind to doing. "BE STRONG".. come here and vent, then get back in the game again.....never give up.

 

Take your time......stay bye yourself until your ready to venture in deep waters with others be in no hurry until your ready. When people are critical or you or about you, just let run off your back like water on a duck. Don't listen to negative, listen to yourself inside. And you will start to have peaceful dreams in no time flat.

 

PM me anytime, if you need to talk.

 

May you find peace soon, and remember "This to shall pass" ...you have plenty of time to find your 15 minutes of fame. We all get it and you will get your chance to. I have had mone, and it is not cracked up to what you might think it to be. Its whats in Roxies heart that really counts..........

 

Your Enotalone Friend

 

Kuhl

 

8) may these angels watch over you.

[Emotional]

Thanks so much...

i cooled my jets and I am

not letting it get any worse.

 

i dont know what to say

aceept right now im doing

fine, and i'll try to not

let my neg feelings intervene

and cause unwanted delimma.

 

I'll take all of yalls advice!