She says I deserve better than her

[xciwmff]

I've recently gotten pretty close to this one girl from work. I've known her for about 3-4 months, and been interested in her for about as long. I had never considered asking her out though because she told me shortly after meeting that she was taking a break from dating. Just this last weekend, we went camping with some mutual friends. We ended up sharing the tent and cuddling most the nights. The 3rd and final night there, we had a long 3 hour conversation. We then continued the conversation the next night over the internet. Basically what I got from the conversation was she feels that I deserves better than her. She claims that as people get to know her, they wish they hadn't. She also apparently has developed a fear of relationships due to some poor ones in the past. However, she told me she's closer to going out with me than any other guy in a long time. Here's my qusetion. How do I: 1) convince her that not only do I not deserve a perfect person, but that she is in fact plenty perfect enough for me? and 2) help her realize that the risk will be worth it?

[DN]

Tell her that you are not perfect either but you are willing to take the chance that she will be able to get past that.

 

Say that if she can overlook your imperfections you can overlook hers.

[Carnatic]

Well maybe she has self esteem issues and you just have to show her a good time and make her feel special. Girls like being made to feel special, and they love undivided attention. Equally important, continue getting to know her and don't pressure her into a relationship like I'm sure you won't, she can then come round to the idea of a relationship in her own time

 

Also, I hate to be the devils advocate but if she doesn't seem to have a self esteem thing take note: saying that they aren't good enough for you is one of the most common things a girl can tell a guy to let them down when they're not interested. You'll know if this is the case though.

 

Stick to the first point, make her feel like she is important to you.

[chai714]

If you want her, continue spending time with her and making her feel special. At the same time, date other women and subtly let her know. I doubt she has fear of relationships, as no such phobia exists (my opinion). It's all about how she feels - also, I would avoid any more of those 3 hour conversations - that is way too long to be listening/talking or both. So, when you're with her deliver that emotional fulfillment.

[Meow18]

It's obvious she has self-esteem issues, but if you like this girl, why not give it a try? It seems like she has been hurt by a lot of people, so just make her realize that you aren't out to hurt her.

 

I would suggest telling her that you are interested in her, not because you think she's "perfect" because no one is, but people can be perfect for each other. Tell her she seems special to you.

 

Of course she might just say "well people wish they never knew me after they get to know me", but that seems like a chance you are willing to take. Maybe you have already told her that though.

 

I guess just keep hanging out with her. Show interest in her. Keep having conversations like the long one you had because that will show her that you are interested and she will start to trust that you aren't out to hate her in the end.

[xciwmff]

Also, I hate to be the devils advocate but if she doesn't seem to have a self esteem thing take note: saying that they aren't good enough for you is one of the most common things a girl can tell a guy to let them down when they're not interested. You'll know if this is the case though.

It's quite clear that she is interested in me, believe me.

 

If you want her, continue spending time with her and making her feel special. At the same time, date other women and subtly let her know. I doubt she has fear of relationships, as no such phobia exists (my opinion). It's all about how she feels - also, I would avoid any more of those 3 hour conversations - that is way too long to be listening/talking or both. So, when you're with her deliver that emotional fulfillment.

I'm not about to date someone else. For one thing, right now I can't think of anyone besides her. For another, she's brought it up before that she's hesitant because she feels there's someone else out there who's better than her. I don't want to lose her by playing hard-to-get.

 

It's obvious she has self-esteem issues, but if you like this girl, why not give it a try? It seems like she has been hurt by a lot of people, so just make her realize that you aren't out to hurt her.

 

I would suggest telling her that you are interested in her, not because you think she's "perfect" because no one is, but people can be perfect for each other. Tell her she seems special to you.

I'm definantly willing to give it a try and made it quite clear that I'm interested in her.

 

Anyway, thanks everyone for the advice, I think I got some ideas now. Also, I think I was kinda pushing too hard/fast, so I'm definantly going to tone it down.

[xciwmff]

Thanks everyone. I took your advice and told her I was going to stop bring up the subject and that she can take all the time she wants. 2 days later, I got a date. She wants to take it very slow and that's perfectly ok with me. I also think I convinced her that the whether she's good enough for me should be my decision, not hers. I think her only issue right now is a fear of ruining our friendship. Anyone have any ideas on how to explain to her that that won't happen?

[Carnatic]

glad to hear it.

[Meow18]

Well you can't promise her anything. You can't promise that you will be together forever, you can't promise that you will be friends forever. I mean, as much as you care about her now, you just can't tell what will happen. But you can promise her that you will be with her now and care about her and that's all that matters. Looking to the future is pointless. You should take things day by day and not worry about the "what if's" or what will happen 5 years from now.