poetsheart Posted September 6, 2005 Share Posted September 6, 2005 After 8 weeks nc, i received a text telling me there was a letter and package at my front door.... in it were, flowers, chocolates, a letter, a card and some other small health goods... I am really confused. Mainly the letter spoke about himself, he then went on to apologise for a few things that had really hurt me, and in it he said "one of the hardest things a woman has to do is walk away from the man she loves"... I found myself sobbing and sobbing as I read it.... it made me totally confused.... now I can't stop thinking about him even more, but have not made any contact with him.... I don't know what to do? Why would he send me that letter with those gifts... he didn't really say I want us to get back together, although it did express love.... he is sorting himself out... I feel like I should contact him, but I am still so hurt, I don't know what to say... is there any point??? In the card he sent with the package, he said "I don't want to hide from you anymore".... I am completely and utterly confused.... I find myself reading his letter constantly and the card... this has been so painful as I am still in love... I need advice, why do you think he sent me those gifts and letters? Should I contact him? I really would appreciate some advice... Your friend, poetsheart... Link to comment
bellamcb Posted September 6, 2005 Share Posted September 6, 2005 Without knowing why you guys broke up it's hard to offer advice. I do see why you'd be so confused though. Is it possible to contact him just asking what his purpose was? What is he trying to tell you? That sort of thing. Sometimes people are able to express themselves better with gifts etc., but for me at least, it's the words that count the most- the spoken words. You need some clarity on what he is doing/meaning. Again- I don't know why you broke up so it's hard to know. I wish you the best though. Link to comment
DN Posted September 6, 2005 Share Posted September 6, 2005 You will think about this for ever if you don't find out. Contact him and simply ask him what he wants from you. Nothing more than that. Link to comment
guapa Posted September 6, 2005 Share Posted September 6, 2005 I looked at all your posts. It seemed like he was a big jerk to you. Kind of reminds me of my ex... and I know that it's hard (SO HARD) to cut people out completely. It seems like his gifts come at a perfect time, when you maybe were just starting to heal. It seems like he never really gave you the love you wanted, but you kept hoping he would change and hurting for him to give you that love. And you kept asking him to commit to you but he kept taking you for granted and then getting upset with you for asking for more. And now that you are gone he decides he wants a lapdog and wants you back on his leash. God. I KNOW it hurts, so much from my own experience. DON'T expect love from him or a relationship. PLEASE. You are going to slide backwards down a hill you've been working so hard to get over.... I would say... don't reply. Let him try harder. Let him be clearer. Let him REALLY show that he isn't going to take you for granted. But honestly, I feel that he is not the right one for you because he has NEVER really respected you... and from the track record he probably never will. Link to comment
poetsheart Posted September 6, 2005 Author Share Posted September 6, 2005 Thankyou for your advice everyone... it's just so hard... Link to comment
funnyCAgirl Posted September 6, 2005 Share Posted September 6, 2005 I definitely believe in second chances and this guy has really made a big gesture. I think you cautiously see what happens if you talk to him - if you still have feelings. Link to comment
guapa Posted September 6, 2005 Share Posted September 6, 2005 it's roses and stuff you can buy. doesn't compare to TREATING someone right. Proceed with extreme caution. Link to comment
poetsheart Posted September 6, 2005 Author Share Posted September 6, 2005 I think I may be with guapa.... this has really stuffed me up. Link to comment
guapa Posted September 6, 2005 Share Posted September 6, 2005 what does "stuffed you up" mean? Link to comment
skyjuice Posted September 6, 2005 Share Posted September 6, 2005 Hi poetsheart, I too agree with guapa. he never really gave you the love you wanted, but you kept hoping he would change The harsh reality of life is that we could not hope that someone would change for us. They have to change for themselves. Do not expect him to change, but expect yourself to change. Love is a major thing in life. Ask yourself, do you want to be treated without respect? Or are you willing to be treated like that? Life is about making decision, there is no right or wrong. It is simply where you want to go from here. Some would settle in a substandard relationship because they still feel happy in it even tough their partner does not give them much respect; some would not settle for disrespect partner and want the right they deserved. It is just a matter of choice! Now, you could ask yourself, do you want to give him a chance? If you do, while in the process of doing it, observe whether has he change? Does he give you more respect? Finally, you could make the finally decision. Link to comment
volution Posted September 6, 2005 Share Posted September 6, 2005 he said "one of the hardest things a woman has to do is walk away from the man she loves"... This sole sentence stood out in all your post and, for me, sums up the kind of person this guy might be - someone who plays on your guilt. And I agree, roses and chocolates are 'things', any fool can buy them. It is the things that are given FREELY - love, respect, support, honour, chilvery, romance that matter most - they cannot be bought at any price.... And no amount of roses or chocolates or whatever can even be a poor shadow of them... Link to comment
DN Posted September 6, 2005 Share Posted September 6, 2005 I certainly agree that you should proceed with extreme caution and should guard your heart. That is why I think you should simply ask him what he wants from you. Then decide what you want from him based on his answer. It may well be that what you want from him will be for him to never contact you again. Link to comment
poetsheart Posted September 6, 2005 Author Share Posted September 6, 2005 I can't thank everybody enough for taking the time to help me with this dilemma.... I have not been able to sleep now for 3 nights, I am constantly thinking of what to do... he could never buy back my respect with chocolates and gifts... I still am unsure whether to make contact and am leaning towads sending him a message.... I am experiencing this overwhelming need now... after 8 weeks of silence, that letter makes me want to respond... I will take a few more hours to think... thankyou again... Link to comment
DN Posted September 6, 2005 Share Posted September 6, 2005 Let us know what you decide and how it turns out. You can always come back for more help. Link to comment
poetsheart Posted September 7, 2005 Author Share Posted September 7, 2005 I will...thanks again. Link to comment
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