guapa

and i mean, i don't know how to guide him, somehow that other guy had a technique that made it enjoyable but before that i never ever thought i'd like it...

I guess my main concern is if he is comfortable with that, you know, there are two options 1) he thinks i'm not comfortable or 2) he is uncomfortable... I know someone who told me it's kind of gross to do it... so thinking he might be uncomfortable makes me uncomfortable. i mean, how do you recommend starting a conversation about something like that? or do you recommend not even talking but trying to use some kind of body language...

oh yes, girls love it, i think it's great when guys return the favor. uh, i think it's good to ask first. personally i would only want a guy to go there if i hadn't gone to the bathroom before hand or anything, preferably right after a shower or something. then i know he's having a better time too. there are lots of techniques i guess, i think it's nice to use fingers and tongue together. like giving her a hand job, while also using your tongue, you know. sucking is nice, not super hard unless she asks... trying different stuff and ask her to tell you what she likes, pay careful attention to her response and most importantly: explore!

So... this is sort of an explicit topic, but I'm just wondering. I had sex for the second time last night with a new guy I've been dating... It luckily got much better from the first time. This is the thing. I've never liked anal sex cause one time this guy just put it in without asking me, no lube, nothing and I bled for a month. Luckily, my ltr after him never wanted anything to do with it, so that was good. But this one guy I had sex with a few times casually really liked giving it attention and I have to say he actually made it pleasurable (he just used his fingers while). Honestly, it blew my mind. Now, with this new guy, he just sort of touched me there but didn't do anything with the area. Everytime he gave the area any attention I got hyper aroused. I wanted him to do something with it but I didn't know how to ask him. I don't know exactly how curious he is about it, or how much experience he has with it. I don't want him to do anything with that area if he is not experienced cause it can be painful. Any suggestions on how to bring this up? I don't want to seem real dirty to him. I hope this isn't too explicit, but I'm pretty open about sex.

you know, some reggae i don't like, but midnite is different, it's really good!!!

oh thank you shy soul. i was listening to midnite, it's a reggae band, they are very good. dancing is my therapy, you know...

The rhythm aey aey aey Ba boom bapa boom Her feet slide on the wooden floor Hips gyrating Her lips turn into a smile Thoughts and words Turn into the heat between her feet Her shoulders twisting Tension from her frame From Bombay to Chiang Mai To Dehli to rice fields in Thailand To the stick houses in the slums Words slide from the mind Chemical articulations Become flows of glow One with elastic vibration The jaw loosens the attachment goes

btw, the online community is like myspace, people have lots of friends on it, but some people use it for dating too. i mostly use it for friends.

but how do you get the guts to bring it up? agh.

so, i apparently have a problem i just can't stop. Snooping. So, I'm sort of dating this guy. Not serious, but I'd like it to be, just he doesn't say much about where he's coming from. Naturally, I suspect him to be a player. But it could just be that he doesn't talk very much I don't know. He used my computer and didn't log out of an on-line community type thing and I snooped to see if he uses it to date other girls or not. That was how we met, on there. I didn't do it on purpose initially, I was going to log into my account and his was still open. Of course, I feel terrible, but I rationalized it as I wanted to know what was going on. The thing is, I know some people on this forum have done this and found their partner cheating and whenever that happens people here say "well, it's good at least cause you found out and now you can lose them". the problem is that when you DON'T find anything (as I didn't) it doesn't mean much, cause they still could be seeing someone they don't email. Sigh. The REAL problem is that I'm afraid to ask. I'm afraid to ask him if he's having sex with someone else. I'm afraid to ask him about exclusivity, where he sees things going, etc, because I don't want to seem too pushy, especially since we've only been dating since early november.... I don't know why I'm so afraid. I feel like I could email him and ask him, but couldn't ask him in person, and I don't want to depend on email for such things, as I already have in the past and it isn't well received. I worry, cause in every other aspect of my life, I don't feel like I'm a creepy person, but when it comes to relationships, I feel like I turn on the "stalker" factor, like I just can't let loose and not worry about such things like some people can. Maybe I need therapy? It really, really sucks. In my last relationship, I didn't snoop AT ALL, not til the end, when my abusive ex was acting very strange and I did uncover suspect evidence. So... I know I can control myself, it seems that I just can't control myself when I feel insecure...

i don't think what you are going through is "jealousy", i think it's a natural feeling as a result of the past based on evidence that points that he can't be entirely trusted.

yes, beautiful.

So this is a long story, so please bear with me here. My b/f and I broke up in June of 2003, our relationship had got real rocky, arguments like every day. We'd moved cross country together and lived together for most of our 14 month old relationship before we'd broken up. It was really hard, we were codependent, and before we broke up I'd been seeing a therapist about my depression and feelings of suicide, that were in all honesty a bit manipulative, as they came from a fear of losing him. But anyways, it was hard because I had no other friends besides him and my family is all fallen apart. So I returned to the west coast, subsequently he visited me about 6 months later, a year ago. He didn't call any of his other friends besides me. We had a good time, slept in the same bed and cuddled, leaned on each other but didn't do anything. We were friends with maybe some extra feelings there. He had a girlfriend, but they had an open relationship, she still got jealous of me though and threatened to break up with him over it. They patched things up when he returned, we subsequently talked on the phone pretty regularly. I started dating someone pretty soon after and he was abusive. The abusive relationship lasted 6 months. My ex boyfriend was really supportive during the breakup and I don't know what I could have done without it. After the break up with the abusive boy my ex/bestfriend stopped calling me and seemed kind of distant, his girlfriend kept looking at my profile on friendster and I attempted to be friends with her but she got all weird about it, so I didn't try anymore. I helped his brother with a presentation he did here for a nonprofit I had helped him start, and my ex/bestfriend said he wasn't coming to see it, I was o.k. with that. He didn't tell me he was coming to california and when I called him on christmas, he told me he was visiting his parents. i said,hey, cool, i have wednesday off, i could drive down and visit. his parents live 1.5-2 hours away. he said, yeah that could work, but then yesterday he called to say he had plans with his folks and i shouldn't come. i said, o.k., he said are you upset, i said no, that i had to go. he was like you are upset, huh. i said, i have to go and hung up. he called me a couple of hours later and said he talked to his folks and i should come. i said i didn't want to, i made plans to hang out with my friend instead. he said o.k., was i upset? i said i didn't have anything to say about it, really, he wanted to talk today. so we did, for like two hours or something. he said that he didn't make plans to see anyone, was surprised for me to offer to visit and just said yes even though he wasn't sure cause he was here to see his family. i said, well, it's just clear to me we see things differently cause i was willing to drive two hours each way to visit, just to have lunch with you and you didn't want to even make the effort to find a way for us to hang out for even a little bit. he said that i'm overwhelming because i talk too much (my brother was in a cult and i was trying to tell him what was going on) and that i didn't make room for him. i apologized, but then the second part of what he said bothered me. he said that i am overwhelming because i emailed him (ONE time!) asking him why he didn't call me and why was it we didn't seem that good of friends. he said that i am overwhelming cause when we talk i ask him why he seems distant. i was like, it bothered me, i don't understand why i can't say what i feel like. I don't get it, I was just trying to see what was wrong. turns out he thought i still had feelings for him or some other dumb thing. i was like, heck no i don't. But I was like, i don't have anything else to say, it doesn't make any sense to me. i feel like ](*,) I'm hitting my head against a wall... i mean, another thing that bothered me was that even though we'd made plans for me to visit he didn't tell his folks i was coming so his parents brought up plans to go some where so then he cancelled on me. i was like, why couldn't you just tell them that i was coming? you're a grown man! he said i was being critical for saying that. but i was saying the truth, don't you think? or maybe there is something i don't know? i know i'm intense, but i'm just saying the truth!

i deleted his phone number way back then. and i guess i think it's easier for someone to ignore me if i write an email. i might have his phone number stored away in one of his emails to me but i think it's less intrusive to send an email than to call, don't you think?

Well- thank you for your advice. Honestly, mentally I agree more with Scout, emotionally more with HajiMaji, but mostly because he seemed so friendly and waited there to talk to me and I blew him off. He might have thought we'd have another opportunity to chat, but I left the party when he was in another part of the party... but yes, Scout is probably right; he should figure the reason why I didn't really pursue conversation- and that if he wanted to talk he should work a bit harder. before scout's second posting i sent him a two sentence email saying "hey- i hope you had fun at the party last night! it was good to see you for a brief moment last night, sorry if i was kind of rude, was just absorbed in getting the details on where an event was to be held last night. peace, guapa" not too bad and not too revealing, and i feel that it kind of combines both of your advice. if he is interested he'll write back. if he isn't he'll ignore it. and either way, i know i'll be o.k. with it...

Let HIM down??? He let YOU down majorly before? So why do you care HOW you let him down. Tell him NO, you don't want to see him, are not going to have a relationship with him and are not going to marry him under any circumstances and that he had is opportunity before and messed it up!!

he is not respecting you by saying you're being stupid and shouldn't put it entirely on you. a lot of times infidelity happens because there are problems in the relationship and those issues have to be confronted if there is going to be any resolution. it's NOT just about you. just because someone is with someone for 20 years it doesn't mean that they feel loved. i just met a woman yesterday whose husband left her for another woman after 35 years of marriage!!! talk about PAIN.

but do you think i was kind of rude, tho? do you think someone would even bother to contact someone after what i did? i didn't even give him a chance really.

seems like she is commitment phobic and got scared or something. don't go online looking for her. let her come to you. you'll get some kind of response eventually. go do something else in the meantime; hang out with friends and things...

yeah- you're right. i'm going to drop it. Thanks for the advice!

I think you should go cold turkey. Let her feel what its like for you NOT to be pursuing her and for her to have a chance to miss you and think about what she wants. Don't write her anymore. If she loves you and wants you, she'll figure it out and let you know.

This guy, call him O, and I were expressing interest in each other last fall for a while... it was very cyber based, writing long funny emails to each other. We were so busy we could never find a chance to meet up. When we did we ended up making out passionately at afterwards he backed off saying that he realized he didn't want a relationship. He took much longer to reply to emails at that time. He'd been in one for five years with this girl who is going to graduate school in a different state and it seemed like it was still in it's ending phases or something. He said he wanted to be friends, but even that was hard because he wouldn't really respond to emails and he confessed to me that he had hurt a lot of his friends because he was so busy (in medical school). Basically, I wrote him and said that I didn't want to keep the same contact anymore because it hurt when he didn't write back and he said o.k. Last night I saw him at a party and I walked away not knowing how to confront the situation and he came up to me and said hi, we hugged and he just stood there next to me waiting for me to say something and I just turned and talked to my friends, not looking him in the face and he walked away. I was so shy, I didn't know how to be natural about it. I subsequently left without seeing him or saying goodbye because I'd made plans with other friends. Should I write him and say something at all? If I do, what do you think I should say? I like him of course, he is very cute and funny, our personalities do work pretty well together...

Definitely sounds like it. I think he definitely is interested in you and you in him. I would savor it, don't let anything go too fast, try to enjoy it and not worry about getting together. It sounds like he wants to, be his friend, hang out, enjoy the love the two of you share and let things progress naturally without worrying about it (I know it can be hard not to). Seems like he wants to get back together but is taking his time and I think that's a good thing because it's good not to rush....

there is NO such thing as right or wrong. i totally disagree. people have all sorts of fantasies and sometimes that's all they are there for.... but people also have different lifestyles and different situations with their partners. DON'T JUDGE. If your fiance says it's o.k. and you aren't lying to him, there is nothing wrong with it. and that's not true. lots of women masturbate to chicks that are with guys, they just don't talk about it!!!

yeah, but if my ex did that i might just feel hurt that he didn't want ME to come and i was just out of the picture. be careful about how you phrase that one so you aren't excluding her either...