Yay for directionless first dates!

[Screenplay]

Well, that was... different. This is more of a rant than anything, but as always the insight of others is appreciated

 

Nutshell Synopsis: Met a local girl online. Talked via email for a coule weeks. Talked on the phone for a week. Met in person today at the zoo. You are all now up to speed.

 

Man, not sure what to make of it, I don't think things went well On the phone our conversations bounced like a beach ball at a rock concert, in person we had plenty of silent gaps as we walked around the zoo. I was squarely in my element, but it seemed like every conversational piece I trew into the mix went stale faster than a piece of bread in the desert. Did have a couple good rapports on music and her family, which I'll have to remember when/if we keep talking after this, but sheesh. Got turned down walking her to her car "Oh I think I'll manage" and not a hug or anything. She's either nervous, or things went downhill faster than I'd have thought

[atomic]

I'm just interested, how long does bread last in the desert? I mean, the air is warm and dry, surely if anything it will toast and perhaps last longer?

 

Doesn't sound great to be honest, maybe she was just nervous. See how she is when you next speak to her.

[Screenplay]

Yeah, actually I'm fairly certain I won't be hearing from her again, but meh if I do then I'll just go from there. I'm not in a state of "Oh no, it went bad!" or anything, but that definitely didn't go too well

[annie24]

hmmm... not even a hug? That's not a good sign. Sorry.

 

Oh well, plenty more fish in the sea! (girls online, that is )

 

Oh well, whatever. NEXT!

[funnyCAgirl]

I hate to say it but it does not sound good. The problem with online dating is that there is so much more to chemistry between people then just thinking they are cute from their picture and being able to communicate with one another. In general, its a good way to open a door to see if there is a connection, but I think you were just sensing there was not a connection.

[Shidoshi]

Got turned down walking her to her car "Oh I think I'll manage" and not a hug or anything.

Her responsiveness during your attempts to make conversation, including these two incidents are huge signals that you should move on.

[ShySoul]

Alternate views:

 

Is she shy? That could explain why she didn't seem responsive.

 

You've known her three weeks? How often did you talk to her? How close were you online? Maybe she was nervous about meeting someone from online. If she didn't know you all that well, maybe she figured it was better to hold back and not get into something to quick. I met a girl I had been talking to online for about a month. Conversation wasn't the greatest, there was no hug. Eventually we ended up falling in love. So its not necessarily over.

 

Maybe shes an independent women who doesn't like the idea of feeling like she needs to be walked to the car? I don't know, I'm just throwing out things to think about.

[Screenplay]

Well, it definitely wasn't shyness, but on the same hand the silences didn't seem awkward either, so who knows. Lets see, online we emailed about once every couple days, on the phone we talked every other night or so. She definitely seems like the independent type, but as a whole I didn't pick up too great of vibes from it all. If she calls like she said, then I guess I'm wrong, but otherwise I'm not putting too much stock into that thought

[ShySoul]

Has she met someone from online before? If yes, were they good experiences or bad ones? That could explain some hesitation on her part.

[Screenplay]

Well, shes mentioned some of her previous boyfriends only wanted a physical relationship, and they were the creepy stalker type. I suppose that could have some play in the matter.

[ShySoul]

She's dealt with creepy stalkers before. Can you blame her for being catious about a guy shes meeting online, given all the horror stories you hear about? If they wanted physical stuff, can you see how a hug might be something shes not automatically comfortable with?

 

Always take a deeper look before reaching a conclusion.

[Screenplay]

True, I mean I didn't expect either of those, but on the same hand they were a test. It genuinely didn't seem like it went too horribly bad, but at the same time she did seem very standoffish. Given her past I don't blame her, but rather it was just wildly different from how she acted on the phone. Then again, a person IN person is always a whole 'nother ball game.

[Shidoshi]

I wouldn't get your hopes up about this one man. Her behavior is not indicative of a person who is all that "interested."

It genuinely didn't seem like it went too horribly bad, but at the same time she did seem very standoffish. Given her past I don't blame her, but rather it was just wildly different from how she acted on the phone.

That's the chance you take when meeting people online. I don't think your gut was lying to you about this girl. Even if the date didn't go "horribly bad" you said she was standoffish, meaning she wasn't comfortable with you. I guess there's no harm in asking her out again, but I'd be surprised if she doesn't flake on you.

[annie24]

I wouldn't get your hopes up about this one man. Her behavior is not indicative of a person who is all that "interested."

It genuinely didn't seem like it went too horribly bad, but at the same time she did seem very standoffish. Given her past I don't blame her, but rather it was just wildly different from how she acted on the phone.

That's the chance you take when meeting people online. I don't think your gut was lying to you about this girl. Even if the date didn't go "horribly bad" you said she was standoffish, meaning she wasn't comfortable with you. I guess there's no harm in asking her out again, but I'd be surprised if she doesn't flake on you.

 

I agree. Doesn't sound promising. I've also had my share of creepy guys and one stalker, but I still give hugs on first dates if I like the guy.

 

I've had dates that were ok, like, nothing disasterous happened. The guy was nice and polite, and we had a pleasant conversation, but I didn't feel any romantic potential with him. Just a lack of chemistry. Those, I usually shake their hands.

 

Well, if you feel like she may be responsive to a phone call or whatever, go for it. Good luck

[Screenplay]

The plot, as it goes, doesn't end there. She said she'd call me, but the way things went I figured that was the end of it, and figured I'd let it go. Thought once about calling her yesterday but figured it wouldn't do much good, she didn't seem interested.

 

She called on my lunch break, apologetic as she's been busy this week with school and job searching. She's going out of town for a few days, but she hinted without nailing a specific time or place down at seeing each other after she gets back.

 

*shrug* I'll keep an open mind

[Shidoshi]

Ahh yes, the dreaded "mixed signals." I think you'll be fine as long as you have other prospects. You know the saying, don't put all your eggs in one basket.

She called on my lunch break, apologetic as she's been busy this week with school and job searching. She's going out of town for a few days, but she hinted without nailing a specific time or place down at seeing each other after she gets back.

Sounds like more of a courtesy call than anything else. She gives you the usual low interest excuses about school and work and she's conveniently going out of town right after she calls you like she's checking up on you, and finally she only "hints" at getting together again.

 

Yeah, I'd let her do the chasing at this point.

[ShySoul]

If you assume that she's just giving you a courtesy and that shes sending mixed signals, you are likely to react in kind. That will lessen any chance that is already there. Maybe she actually has been busy? We are in back to school time right now, maybe shes adjusting to classes? Also, think about her again. Is she someone who is busy and always out doing things?

 

Or maybe she was secretly hoping that you would call her? As independent as she might be, a girl likes it when a guy calls her.

 

Don't think about it so much, take it as it comes. Maybe she's not interested, maybe she is just really busy now. She has yet to come out and say either way. So, keep talking to her. Email her, call her. Don't assume you'll end up together, but don't give up on it either. Keep going like you were before you went out. Next time you talk, try to get a specific date. Why not just ask when she is few instead of leaving it all up to her?