Screenplay

This, at its core, is a morality question, but its also one of genuinely asking for advice as well. Here's the deal, I've been very casually dating three girls lately, and they all know its casual and non-exclusive yet. I haven't kissed any of them, it's just a matter of friendly hanging out at the present. Of the three, and using ficticious names, there is Beth who Ive gone out with many times, we've gone ice skating with her friends, and we seem to connect. However, she's moving thousands of miles away never year, and doesnt really intend of returning. Theres Alley with whom I still hang out with, though after a few times I found out she had a boyfriend and just considered her like a sister. Theres Jen, who I don't really know well yet, but we've connected so far and things are going decently. Alley, however, is the situation that is strange and what I am asking about. We hung out a few times, and right about the time I decided to ask her if she wanted to make things exclusive she got back with her ex. I never told her about that, and have since referred to her as my sister. We've hung out in the past where she would literally ditch hey boyfriend to hang out with me and and just not answer the phone when he called when we were out. While theres been times where she says many things unflattering of her boyfriend (Hes apparently very clingy and unmotivated), shes also told me that shes put too much effort into that relationship to walk away from it. Well, last night me, my best friend, and her went to a small party at my friends house. My best friend had never met her, and they got to talking since theyre both from the same town. I wander around socializing, come back, and my best friend whispers to me "You might want to go away, shes telling me "things"." So, I did, came back later, took her home and came back yadda yadda. Apparently, they were talking a great deal about me and her. Nother brash was ever said, but basically she was saying all kinds of things about how she thinks I'm so sweet, attractive, and apparently my friend gets the impression that the only thing I would have to do to get her to go out with me is to ask her. This is the morality part I mentioned. I mean, the reason I never told her how I felt is two-fold; shes already in a relationship of close to two years now, and its not like I don't have other options that don't involve breakups to let them progress. I do genuinely care about Alley, and even though she has said things to me many times about how she doesn't like how her relationship is, at the same time shes told me at least twice that shes put a lot of effort into making it work. Basically, would it be wise to talk with her about this, and just bring each other on the same page as to what each other is thinking? If she still genuinely wants to continue with her current boyfriend I don't want to muddy the waters of our friendship by bringing this up, but at the same time if she equally genuinely wants to break up with him and go out with me I'd be all for it. Should I talk with her about this? Stick to one of my other paths and just let the one with Alley stay platonic? Whats the moral ground here?

The plot, as it goes, doesn't end there. She said she'd call me, but the way things went I figured that was the end of it, and figured I'd let it go. Thought once about calling her yesterday but figured it wouldn't do much good, she didn't seem interested. She called on my lunch break, apologetic as she's been busy this week with school and job searching. She's going out of town for a few days, but she hinted without nailing a specific time or place down at seeing each other after she gets back. *shrug* I'll keep an open mind

Basically, 1 cant be true, because she still is willing to spend time with you. If it were true she wouldnt want to hang out with you at all, let along with friends. Having the friends come along means that she is comfortable with you being around here with her friends present. Aka, 2 Two days though? I think you're thinking too deeply about everything. Go out with her, even if it involved you and a bunch of her friends. Just have a good time and let things go natural.

I dunno, after reading all of this, I'd have to agree with Shy more than anything else. Though granted some of his posts in this thread have been fairly pointed and driven, and I'll give you he definitely rides a high horse here and there, the underlying bits I agree with. The nudging crap is nonsense; you can't alter emotions, you can only develop the ones that already exist. I'm no stranger to relationships in general, both good ones and bad, and would be the first one to tell you no amount of nudging is going to change the way a person genuinely feels.

True, I mean I didn't expect either of those, but on the same hand they were a test. It genuinely didn't seem like it went too horribly bad, but at the same time she did seem very standoffish. Given her past I don't blame her, but rather it was just wildly different from how she acted on the phone. Then again, a person IN person is always a whole 'nother ball game.

Well, shes mentioned some of her previous boyfriends only wanted a physical relationship, and they were the creepy stalker type. I suppose that could have some play in the matter.

Well, it definitely wasn't shyness, but on the same hand the silences didn't seem awkward either, so who knows. Lets see, online we emailed about once every couple days, on the phone we talked every other night or so. She definitely seems like the independent type, but as a whole I didn't pick up too great of vibes from it all. If she calls like she said, then I guess I'm wrong, but otherwise I'm not putting too much stock into that thought

Yeah, actually I'm fairly certain I won't be hearing from her again, but meh if I do then I'll just go from there. I'm not in a state of "Oh no, it went bad!" or anything, but that definitely didn't go too well

Well, that was... different. This is more of a rant than anything, but as always the insight of others is appreciated Nutshell Synopsis: Met a local girl online. Talked via email for a coule weeks. Talked on the phone for a week. Met in person today at the zoo. You are all now up to speed. Man, not sure what to make of it, I don't think things went well On the phone our conversations bounced like a beach ball at a rock concert, in person we had plenty of silent gaps as we walked around the zoo. I was squarely in my element, but it seemed like every conversational piece I trew into the mix went stale faster than a piece of bread in the desert. Did have a couple good rapports on music and her family, which I'll have to remember when/if we keep talking after this, but sheesh. Got turned down walking her to her car "Oh I think I'll manage" and not a hug or anything. She's either nervous, or things went downhill faster than I'd have thought

Yeah, thats admittedly already the conclusion I've reached, but I just wanted to see if I wasn't the only one who'd think the risk could be worth it. I mean, the worst case scenario would be some bad times, sure, but between now and then could be great times, and out of both of those the only thing that I know for certain is the latter. I just know at the present we seem to really enjoy each others company (She did drive all the way accross town AND take a break from her studying to see me, and I was admittedly overjoyed she did). Like anything else, I expect nothing, but on the same hand it couldn't be clearer now that I should stay the course and not hold back, let things run their course naturally.

This is going to sound odd, but I already have my mind made up, but I do welcome some second and third opinions here. Basically, I met a girl recently that I really like, and we've been seeing each other for about a month now every weekend and talking once or twice a week on the phone. We're both 20-21, to put the rest of this into a frame of reference. At this point we are just friends, we went ice skating together last weekend and she took some time out of studying for her graduate exam to come with me to a friends cookout today. We connect well and always end our "dates" with a close hug. (We share the same idea that a kiss isn't "just" a kiss. We haven't talked about it or anything, but thats the type of person we both are.) Heres the stickler, shes planning on going on to graduate school next year sometime in June, which means she "will" be moving away. There are graduate schools here where I live (Nebraska) but so far she's looking at ones on both coasts and one in Vancouver where the rest of her family lives. Granted she could change her mind and go to one here, but I won't allow myself to put too much faith into that chance. So, put yourself in my shoes. Something good can happen, but that would also mean theres a great chance it could cause equal amounts of hurt. My mind has thought about every possible outcome for weeks now, and honestly I just want to let things go as they may and not hold back. Maybe we'll just stay friends, maybe we'll just casually date, but what would you do?

Its really hit and miss. For every decent person Ive met there are two or three who are either deceitful or just dont pan out anything like I'd thought. Still, I met my last GF on the same site, and we dated right up until she got orders to move to Delaware. Online dating isnt all bad, its just definitely not a replacement for the real deal.