ISSUE - your opinion needed please

[dizzy_bruce]

Is a 19 year old going out with a 15 year old really wrong?

 

Opinions please...

 

Thanks,

 

Bruce

[Minty80]

Nah, all depends on the maturity of both people, how they handle the relationship, and a whole bunch of other stuff.

 

There are way to many variables to make a blanket statement about a 4 year difference.

[kuhl282000]

Hello

 

I'll be direct, if your intention is to ever have sex. I'll tell you right now you are not only headed for trouble, but jail. She is a minor and her parents control the final word. This happened to a friend of mine I knew awhile back. And he is still on probation for another 8 years, was on house arrest for a year and almost went to prison. Had it not been for about $20,000 in attorney fees from his parents he would be in the slammer today. He is also considered a sex offender and has a record now, all for the same reasons......he was dating and had sex with a minor. It was not so funny when they came to his place of work and handcuffed him and charged him with rape. He really did not rape anyone, he had sex with a girl under 18. However that is not how the parents or the girl saw it, and for sure not the courts. You would be doing a big favor to yourself and her by telling her you can't date her because she is a minor. It is as simple as that and if you don't stop seeing her, ask yourself will she come visit you in prison, because that is where your headed.

 

WARNING !!!!!!! Run as fast as you can, date someone in your age bracket at least 18 or more.

 

Bail now or you will be paying Bail

 

Good Luck

 

Kuhl

 

[kellbell]

I don't know, I work with inmates and I have seen a lot of dudes in jail for statutory rape and they also had to go on the sex offender regristry and that sticks with you for the rest of your life.

It also depends on her parents, I have interviewed inmates where the guy does something to the girl and they call the cops on him and gets thrown in jail. Depends on the law in your state, the ages vary but I am pretty sure 15 falls under a felony in most states. If I were you, I would date someone who is a least 17 of not 18. Good luck and take care.

[BellaDonna]

I think it's more trouble than it's worth.....

 

 

 

-BellaDonna

[Nikki_121]

Hi,

 

I honestly don't think the age gap between you is too big. However, because of it, it might be more difficult to let it work because of what people say about you. If you really want this to work, and it isn't just about sex, then you musn't let comments get to you. It's your life, and you live it the way you want to.

 

I am 17 years old, and my boyfriend is 24. Although at the age of 17, I have matured a lot since I was 15, there is still an element of worrying about our age gap. But because I didn't let people's comments get to me, it hasn't, and people have left us alone, and just accepted that we are together.

 

I hope people don't get in the way for you. If you really want something, nothing should get in your way.

 

Good luck!

[BellaDonna]

If you really want something, nothing should get in your way

 

I don't know about that one.... if the something you want is considered a "child" in the eyes of the law, and the law can get in the way....I don't think it's worth the gamble. Even if she's mature it is the law that will ultimately prevail, especailly if her parents decide they don't like the idea of you 2 together.

 

The actual age gap is not large- that's correct. But the stage of life gap is quite large. She's still in high school and you're 19.

 

If you have a real interest in her- perhaps be her friend until she enters the legal age in your state.

 

 

BellaDonna

[SimoneTiger]

Hey, my band's former live sound engineer is in federal prison for doing just that!

 

He was 19, dating a 15-year-old, except she told him she was 17, and all of us who met her could have sworn she looked nowhere near 15... Actually, the jury believed him and only sentenced him to 18 months of probation, but his probation officer surprised him with a drug test which my friend (smart guy that he is...) failed. He'll be 22 before he is scheduled to get out, but hopefuly he'll have a parole hearing before the end of the year.

 

He'll still be stuck with that 'sex offender' label for the rest of his life, though... What a nightmare. Keep in mind that if you happen to piss off your underage girlfriend, she might just turn you in to get back at you...

[kellbell]

Nikki,

 

I believe that age does not matter, in most cases, but what this guy is doing is a FELONY!!! He can get in big trouble and that should stop him. Not worth the trouble. I said this before, my job requires me to work with inmates, and I have seen many well-to-to guys in jail because they got into the likes of a minor. Their whole are ruined because once you are convicted felon, you can't do anything! Can't go into the miltary, can't work for the state, or the government, probably have a hard time getting into a school, plus being allinated for the rest of a guy's life because he will have to be on the sex offender regristry. Not worth the trouble at all!

I would just be her friend and NOT date her! Be careful my friend, not worth risking you entire future over a relationship that will probably not last anyways.

[Napoleon Bonaparte]

Actually it is a state by state law. I read that some states go as low as fifteen so if you live in one of those states you should be fine.

[Minty80]

Yep, Napoleon is right. For example, in NJ the age of consent is 16, so this guy would be fine in a year.

 

Also, you are all assuming he wants to have a sexual relationship with this girl with him never answering. That would be the only way it's a felony. Just dating her is not illegal.

 

I mean who knows, maybe the both believe in waiting till marriage? Maybe he's willing to wait until this girl is legally old enough?

 

That's what I meant about there being to many variables to make a blanket statement.

[avman]

While dating is not illegal, disproving sexual contact allegations is difficult. If she later says they had sex, even if they didn't - the jury might believe her and then the guy goes to prison.

 

Better safe than sorry.

[kellbell]

Like avman said,

Better safe than sorry. Check the laws in your state. Even if they don't engage in a sexual relationship, the girl can lie and usually the girl is believed. That's all I'm saying. Just be very careful.

[misery12]

My sister dated a guy who was 4 years older than her for two (2) years.

They are now broken up, and she's 18 and gone to university, but my family and I are still GREAT friends with this guy.

 

So why not?

[Day_Walker]

The different between those age groups is a huge difference in maturity. I would say its a personal choice and for me I wouldnt date a 15 year old if i was 19.

[mairi]

where do u come from dizzy bruce?

[kenneth05]

>is a 19 year old going out with a 15 year old really wrong?

i hope you're kidding.

of course it's wrong!! hello?

apparently you want to go to jail.

why don't you ask your parents or your local clergy if it's wrong.

[darkblue]

>is a 19 year old going out with a 15 year old really wrong?

i hope you're kidding.

of course it's wrong!! hello?

apparently you want to go to jail.

why don't you ask your parents or your local clergy if it's wrong.

 

It depends what you consider 'wrong'. Which is a matter of opinion.

 

From a legal perspective - it depends where you live.

 

For instance, in Canada the legal age allowing sexual interaction is 14.

Here in the UK it is 16.

 

I find it strange how a gap of 4 years seems so insurmountable when it's between a 15 and 19 year old.

If it were a 30 year old and a 34 year old; it wouldn't be an issue.

 

I'm not agreeing or condemning - it's a matter of personal opinion.

 

Take into account of where you live and the age constrictions - Avman's statement and the maturity of the girl.

[kenneth05]

excellent moral equivalency argument.

if the girl was 12 would you have a problem with that?

or would you make the argument that it's alright because if the couple were 40 and 32 that distance in age wouldn't be insurmountable so nobody should hassle the 19 year old.

a 15 year old girl is a child!!!

incredible.

[darkblue]

Would you have considered yourself a 'child' at 15?

 

I wouldn't have.

 

I used the ages mentioned for two reasons:

 

1. In some states/countries - it may not be illegal to have sex at that age - thereforeeee there is no problem with the law.

 

2. Those are the ages we are asked to comment on.

 

The statement about a 12 year old is absurd. That is a child, not a teen and legally not allowed to concent to sex in any country; that I know of.

 

Some fifteen year olds are more mature than your reasoning.

[darkblue]

P.S. If you would like some reading into the legality of this mentioned post and how it differs from state to state, and indeed, country to country.

PM me and I'll be happy to show you the sites holding such information.

[BellaDonna]

At age 15 I did not consider myself a child (I knew everything. so I thought)- however when I look back NOW I realize I certainly wasn't an adult.

 

I think it's important that he look into what the law says in his area. Because at age 19 he is considered an adult- and he could be held accountable for any actions that violate the law.

 

BellaDonna

[KellyWyndham]

The actual age gap is not large- that's correct. But the stage of life gap is quite large. She's still in high school and you're 19. BellaDonna

 

I agree with this. I don't suggest breaking it off with her because you two could be in love and it could break her heart, I dunno.

But i'd say don't have sex with her until she's 16. That way, you're covered but you can still be with her. So hold off for a while!

[DN]

link removed

 

But, as avman suggests, proving you didn't have sex with her if she says you did could be tricky.

 

Too problematical from any perspective. Best to let her go.

[dizzy_bruce]

Hey guys,

 

Thanks SOOO much for your replies, you've all pointed out things that I didn't think about or just didn't know.

 

I realise my first post was a bit ambiguous, but some of you are jumping to conclusions! Sex isn't the be all and end all for every guy you know! Thanks for giving me the benefit of the doubt Minty. I don't 'want to go to jail' or commit any 'felonies'! Let me clarify - I'm only friends with her at the moment, but she claims to be totally in love with me and I went and complicated things by telling her that I'm quite 'fond of her'. I really should have kept my mouth shut (especially considering that I already have a girlfriend) (who is 19 by the way!!). I've gotten myself into a mess.

 

I think there are two aspects this issue - legal and social. As many of you have pointed out, this girl is currently a minor (I live in London, England - the age of consent here is 16) so a sexual relationship would be wrong and dangerous. I was shocked to hear all of your stories about people you know who have been procecuted for having sex with minors. I realised that it was illegal, but I thought it was just a kinda 'frowned apon illegal'. Like making pirate DVDs or jaywalking. (Yeah I don't know much about law!) Thanks everyone, for pointing out that it isn't! Now I totally agree that it's better to be safe than sorry with underage relationships, her word would be stronger than mine in a legal setting. Not worth ruining my life over and so on (especially since I'm training to be a doctor!).

 

Okay, so the social issue. I think that this aspect is alot less clear cut, as is always the case when comparing personal opinion to law. Some of you have said that other peoples' opinion shouldn't interfere with a relationship. I agree with this in theory, although in this circumstance the opinion of, for example, parents would be a big factor. So to the crux of the problem... the age difference. I strongly agree with what Belladonna had to say here - although the actual age gap may not be large, the 'stage of life' gap is. I'm sure many of you know how much you change from the age of 15 to 19 (I for one was a completely different person when I was 15). It seems that as loose rule, the younger you are, the more important the age difference is.

 

As I'm sure you can tell, I've thought alot about this and it's driving me insane. She is the 'impossible to forget about' type (but aren't they all ). It is obviously not something I wish to discuss with my close friends, so I appreciate all of your input! Just to summarise, I haven't had any kind of sexual relationship with her. Not so much because of social opinion but because of the law, as well as the fact that I already have a girlfriend (of equal importance as the law in my mind).

 

Thanks again for the replies, keep them coming!

 

Bruce