It's only a matter of time.

[Nerve_Net]

Well.... I don't know anymore... The thing is, these past few weeks... months have been hard.... And I feel so worthless. I know I sound like a broken record moaning about life.

 

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Those are just examples of this past year for me.... just scan through them, you'd get the idea... I feel like nothing is worth it anymore.

 

School seems to have no upside. I go, I learn, I do exams every year. I feel like all I am is an average student, and sometimes I feel I am really not cut out for higher education, and I feel University would be a waste because of that. I don't even know what I want to be when I grow up. It sounds stupid, saying 'when I grow up' at 17, but I don't know what I want to be. I'm just going to be a waste leeching off the country all my life. I'm still bullied in a way.... I take verbal comments at school. I've never told anyone, always tried to put on a good humoured look on it recently.

 

My friend dying... I still can't believe it... I just want him back because he was.. such a good friend. He was a bit of a prankster but it always good fun and he... lifted my spirits after I'd been bullied for 3 years. And he didn't even know. My other friends... they get along, but they don't know any of this, they'd just laugh. They do think of me as too 'sensitive' and I get 'in too deep' with women amongst other things.

 

My love life... well, as you can tell, is non-existent. I sound so... selfish, wanting someone, because there are so many lonely people, and I make myself out to be the only person.... but I just feel like I need affection and love. Because of what's happened to me, I don't know, it might be something that snapped deep inside of me, that I throw myself at the mercy of women. There is one girl... who I reference in this topic > link removed ... And I feel like I've probably lost her as well because I'm too shy and have practically no self-confidence.

 

And now I've lost a close friend (we met on the Internet and we text each other regularly through the day. She once loved me, but she said it wouldn't work out... because she's 21 and we live pretty far from each other, and I do agree with her, but I would have at least tried... so that broke my heart some more).... because I'm too 'moaning' and it gets 'boring'... and I bring her down too.... and she decided not to text me anymore. I've begged her and begged, but her reply to me was *ahem* 'Eff off'. And.... I feel like I'm going to lose more... and I'll just end up truly alone.

 

And something's going to snap inside of me, and I feel like it won't be long before I commit suicide... I've never felt more low and I can't hide my tears anymore.... it's not going to be long... I have nothing to believe in anymore. I'm just going to snap and commit suicide soon and... it's going to come soon, I just know it and... God, I can't believe I'm unloading this on people, I'm so pathetic. I just don't feel like I can cope anymore.

[venus777]

You know... I know how it feels. I've almost committed suicide twice (one time ended up in the psych ward) because of such severe sadness and loneliness.

 

But it does get better. Have you sought therapy, particularly Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.

 

The more you are depressed, the more you are depressed. The receptor sites in your brain for depressed feelings multiply and it almost becomes an addiction.

 

People love you, they want to see you work at lifting up your spirits more. Have you tried therapy? It might work.

 

For me, I realize that there are so many reasons to live, so many beautiful and wonderful, kind and caring people out there that give me reason to live. They are in your life too because they are everywhere...

[proditor]

first up, don't feel bad about talking to people about your problems. i don't know any decent person who would hear you and not feel bad for you and try to help, helping people out is why we all live together in communities.

 

keep talking to people, and stay around people as much as you can, is my advice, if your seeing someone for therapy, then keep going, if not, try looking for someone to talk to, they don't even need to be professional though it helps. talking about your problems helps keep you on top of them, and less likely for you to get swept away.

 

i understand how it feels when soooo many things go wrong at the same time, and all your problems start feeding on each other and creating new ones. it might be helpful to try to set yourself some small goals, it could be regarding anything, but it really raises your spirits when you set your mind on something and achieve it.

 

hang in there

 

sara

[Nerve_Net]

I just can't do this anymore. My life is falling apart around me. Friends are leaving, and the ones I do have don't think much of me anyway. I won't be loved ever because I'm just undesirable. I won't amount to anything. I'll just end up alone in life because I'm so introverted. I don't even get what there is to do anymore. I'm so useless. I'd like to thank evertyone who's helped me in the past, you've all been fantastic, but I can't do this anymore. I can't pretend I want to live anymore. It's too hard, and I know I'm a coward, but who knows.. I might be too cowardly to take the cowards way out. I just want someone here for me. Someone to care and love for me. Someone who I can share everything with, romance, court, but no, I'm too ugly/attaching/high maintenance/stupid/naive/or whatever, just take your pick. So I spend all my time alone, without any encouragement or hope in my life.

[Bethany]

IF YOU ARE THINKING OF SUICIDE, THINK FIRST OF THE PEOPLE WHO LOVE YOU, SUICIDE IS THE MOST SELFISH THING ANYONE CAN DO. THINK OF YOUR PARENTS, FRIENDS FINDING YOU AND SEEING YOU DEAD! DEATH IS HORRENDOUS. LOVED ONES WILL CRY AND GRIEF YOUR DEATH FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES.

IF YOU CANNOT COPE CONFIDE IN SOMEONE IN YOUR REAL LIFE AND SEEK HELP FROM A DOCTOR.

THIS TIME NEXT YEAR YOU WILL BE LIVING A HAPPY LIFE WITH ALL THIS BEHIND YOU... IF YOU SEEK HELP.

IF YOU DONT YOUR PARENTS THIS TIME NEXT YEAR WILL STILL BE CRYING AND MISSING THEIR BEAUTIFUL CHILD AND WILL NEVER COME TO TERMS WITH WHAT YOU HAVE DONE.

WHEN YOU DIE, THEY PUT YOU IN A REFRIGERATOR NAKED AND PULL OUT OUT WHEN YOUR 'GUESTS' HAVE COME TO SAY GOODBYE AND THEN THEY SEAL YOU UP AND BURN YOUR BODY OR PUT YOU IN A DEEP DARK HOLE WHICH IS FAR WORSE THAN THE ONE YOUR IN NOW

[secret01]

yea nice beth that even creeped me out let alone making someone feel even worse.

nerve i know what your going thru but u need to let it subside, it will pass, i can tell you that for a fact.

i bet more people care about you then you think, also you need to think if ur feeling that low what you got to lose, so go out and meet some new ppl, do some new things and then see how you feel after. when i get that low i make a bet with my self to find something new.

 

i live in london so i can also feel the hectic life around me without me init,

so if u wanna chat mail me, i will alway mail bk

 

good luck

[Bethany]

Its called facing the truth of death and if that's what it takes....

[kuhl282000]

Hey Dude

 

Sorry for your pain but light is at the end of the tunnel. Remember you are oly 17 my friend. People live to be 80 in society today, so trust me you still have some time. You can change the girl approach in time and leave wht is not working. But killing yourself is not the answer, and you know it. Sorry about your friend, and its nice you have his memory with you forever. And that is a really good thing ! You will make many new friends over the course of time. Stop being so hard on you, you are not pathatic, just hurting and confused right now. It is going to be all right, work on that thought process of yours. And start to get back in the game of life. It's for the living not dying.

 

Be Strong and pray

 

Kuhl

 

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