Ex-G/F's birthday was last week--didn't call her---advice??

[Mstyiyd]

Hi and thanks for reading my post. Any feedback would be much appreciated! I have been trying to stay strong, I guess I need some support from you guys, this has been so emotionally draining. I posted my very long post a few wks ago if anyone wants to read it......

 

Update: I have been pretty much been doing NC with my ex-g/f. We agreed in early August that we should "stay away from each other for a while"......those were her exact words. I had already initiated NC in late June after she screwed me over for a final time---tired of being a doormat, tired of her not respecting my feelings anymore. (That info is in my July post). So, I guess I was the one who initiated it, she called me a month later, I got some things out that I needed to say/ask, didnt really get much of a response, which i figured going into it, but at least I got it off my chest, so to speak.

 

We have talked a few times since the beginning of August. I have had to call her twice about cell phone business (she got her own line but it took a while due to company issues). She broke the NC rule by calling me 2x and using the cell phone stuff as the reason for calling. She had plants at my house, when I had to go down to her aunt's house where she is staying, I brought the remaining 2 that she didnt take (funny, she said she couldnt get them to fit in her car---did get a laugh out of that!).....I think it shocked her bec. a few months ago I prob. would have waited for her to call me to come get them.

 

WELL......that brings me to my current question/statement. Her b-day was last Thursday> I agonized over whether or not to call.....ultimately decided against it due to what's gone on over the past few months. I mean, Im sure she wasnt going to invite me to do something for it, probably just go get drunk with her friends. Mind you, she is 41 now. And to my knowledge, not seeing anyone. I did not call bec. of the NC thing we set up====I want to know, did I do the right thing? Basically, she wanted her cake and eat it to w/me......she claims to not want a relationship w/anyone but pretty much denied to everyone who knew us that we were ever romantically attached. I helped her thru cancer and alot of other traumatic things that came up over the past 2 yrs. I missed her and hoped she had a good day.....but I figured that not calling was my best option. That way it didnt leave me any room to get hurt further.

 

Well, I had to call her today @ the final cell phone payment. Pretty much the 1st thing she said to me was, "Thanks for not calling me on my b-day". And I told her just what I wrote above.....I didnt do it to be a b$&% but to protect myself, did think of her, but you know....She really did not want to talk to me, that is ok, but i was like, Wow! She really was bothered that I didnt call her. I know she went out like 4 times last wk and partied it up w/her bar friends, who have always taken precedence over almost everything else.....why did she care? And when I asked her that she said, "No, I dont care.//////whatever, it's cool!".......obviously not though.

 

Why do the dumper's do things like this? They dont want to be with us, but then they want to be our friends and act like the past never happened. Its like you're d----- if you do, d----- if u dont. Why would I call her? I wouldve wanted to if all the crap hadnt happened but it did and why was it so impt to her? I know that NC is supposed to be for our healing and strength, but it made me wonder if she was starting to miss me and really see what life was like w/o me in it. Not sure.....still seems too self centered for all that. Plus, I will be 30 in the fall, and now I dont have to worry what will happen for my b-day.

 

Any input, suggestions, or comments would be great.....thank you all for reading this extremely wordy post!

 

Mstyiyd

[DN]

I would not bother about why she did it. She is oblivious to your feelings - why would you care about hers?

 

Now you have got rid of all her stuff, let her party with her friends while you move on find a relationship with someone who thinks about how you feel as well as how she feels.

[Mstyiyd]

I know.....that is something I am still working on. It is hard, because I've spent the past few wks trying to move on in a healthy way. NC is one of the hardest mentally challenging things I think I may ever undergo. I am trying to not care, but I still do. Hoping it alleviates over time. Just wanted some support right now to keep me going in the direction I need to......it just made me shake my head, is all. Wondering why I, of all people didnt call her on HER b-day......people amaze me!!

thanks......

[lady00]

The whole thing about her making a big deal about you not calling her for her bday is pure ego. She wants to know that she still has you hooked and in a way she still wants attention from you even though she claimed she didn't want to talk. People like the feeling of being liked or of someone giving them attention. You did the right thing by not calling her for a bday. I agree with the other person who replied. Forget about her feelings and concentrate on your own. She's certainly not looking out for your feelings so you definitely have to do so.

[Mstyiyd]

Yes, I agree. Appreciate the input....Just hearing this from others out there is helping reinforce my decision. I have been trying to concentrate on my own life, trying to take care of myself......I make sure to hang out with friends, try and stay busy despite the huge void in my life. While she is out partying like a college student (she is 41) after her workday is done, I am trying to better myself / better understand where I am headed. This is really hard. Part of my problem has been trying to get where the ego is coming from and why she's s$^% on me after I was unconditionally there for her for so long. I hate that I feel like she has no respect for me---I am educated, have a great career, nice to others, overall a very stable person. But the bar people she kowtows to......see it didnt used to be like this. If it had, I never would have even been friends w/her. Its still amazing to me she wanted or expected a TC for her birthday.....