can the dumper have too much pride to ask dumpee back out?

[frigginexes]

hello all

 

Do you think if the dumper realizes they made a mistake months and months after the breakup and decide they like their ex again after the dumpee has moved on (but your both still friends), is there instances where the dumper would be to scared or have to much pride to say anything to the dumpee about wanting them back?

 

Why wouldn't they say anything?

 

Do you think the attraction would keep growing and the dumper would eventually ask the dumpee back out again or just forget it?

[Bounder]

I could see pride being an issue, but love should conquer all right?

[dontknowwhattodo]

Do you think the attraction would keep growing and the dumper would eventually ask the dumpee back out again or just forget it?

 

I think it is possible that the attraction can still grow. My ex dumped me and now we are dating again (we are not back together (yet?) but yes we are dating). He did all the work like reaching and getting out of his way to ask me out and all that stuff. I find that our attraction to each other is even more stronger this time.

[Adelle]

I think it is possible that the attraction can still grow. My ex dumped me and now we are dating again (we are not back together (yet?) but yes we are dating). He did all the work like reaching and getting out of his way to ask me out and all that stuff. I find that our attraction to each other is even more stronger this time.

 

How long did it take him to realize his mistake ... i.e. how long from the time he dumped you and the time he asked you out again.

Also, during this time, did you DO anything (on purpose or inadvertantly) that might have made something click in his head, making him realize he made a mistake.

 

And to answer Frigginexes question (btw, love your screenname, lol):

yes, i absolutely think pride could get in the way. I suspect that if my ex ever wanted to get back together or ever doubted his decision, he would have a very hard time coming back and admitting that. Mostly because, he's the kind of guy that sticks to his commitments, sticks to his decisions, etc ...very stand-up, very trustworthy guy. And this is a wonderful quality to have, in life in general ... except for this situation! I mean, its bad for me in this situation, lol.

I wonder if there is a way to get around this, or make the guy feel like it's OK to go back on a decision like this. As long as he doesn't expect you to just take him back w/ your arms open, no questions asked ... that's not how easy it should be. But at the same time, how do you get around him feeling too 'proud' to even come back and admit that 'hey, maybe i didn't make the right decision, would you be willing to re-consider it with me?" He doesn't have to say "you were right", because its not about being right or wrong. But to him, it feels like admitting he was 'wrong', and guys hate that (even though some of them will deny that and say they have no problem admitting they are wrong ... pretty much every guy does, deep down inside, I think!)

How do you subtly comfort him and make him know that its ok to do that? Guys, what do you think would give you the comfort or the 'ok signal' in your head to do that??

[Bounder]

youd have to let yourself fall back in love with the person, not your past, but the person right there in front of you, warts and all

[Adelle]

warts and all? lol.... my skin is quite smooth, soft and lovely actually =)

 

(j/k, i know meant figuratively speaking)

 

But about the pride thing ... i mean, would you even let yourself fall back in love with the person, allow your heart to have that opportunity? or would your pride/prior decision prevent you?

[dontknowwhattodo]

 

How long did it take him to realize his mistake ... i.e. how long from the time he dumped you and the time he asked you out again.

Also, during this time, did you DO anything (on purpose or inadvertantly) that might have made something click in his head, making him realize he made a mistake.

 

It took him 5 months. The only thing I did was 'totally disappear from his life'. No phone call, no chatting, no emailing, no texting, no meeting in person, no nothing. I sent him an email the night he dumped me to wish him luck to find what he wanted and to get my closure, and then "GONE from his life" without telling him. Oh but I have to say that he called twice during these 5 months, I answered his calls and we talked nicely. I didn't ignore him when he called but I chose not to initiate any contact with him.

[frigginexes]

5 months is quite awhile and that is good that you cut him out of your life. I quit talking to my ex for 2 months until guess who started calling acting mean at first but now we are friends (not close friends). My friends say my ex may still like me but probably won't say anything. Why?

[toonsy]

why did you 2 break up?

did you still have feelings for eachother when you 2 broke up?

Who broke it off?

Did you 2 ever mention at the break-up that 'maybe someday"...?

What did he call for those 2 times in 5 months? How did you act? Did he date anyone else during that time? You?

 

......Im one of those hoping for your happy ending........

[frigginexes]

we broke up becuase I has issues I needed to deal with, and I dealt with them and am fine now. He still has feelings for me because he said he is still attracted to me and still cares for me weeks ago. He is dating someone I am still looking. I don't act like I want him back at all, I never bring up the relationship and basically told him I moved on and am seeing others.

[Adelle]

we broke up becuase I has issues I needed to deal with, and I dealt with them and am fine now. He still has feelings for me because he said he is still attracted to me and still cares for me weeks ago. He is dating someone I am still looking. I don't act like I want him back at all, I never bring up the relationship and basically told him I moved on and am seeing others.

 

And is that true. Or are you just saying that to him, for the purpose of making him think that you've moved on??

[bellissemma]

me and my bf had been dating intensly for 3 months, some issues bad thing happens and we split up, he couldnt hack things. We got back together, and i dont even remember how - oh yeah ahhaah i text him in the club where we first met, and it all went from there, any hooooo we been together a week and he decided to go on a bender for the weekend, thereforeeee too tired and messed up all week to see me hmmmm. So I dumped him, told him i deserve better so anyway he texes telling me he missed me so were back together again as of saturday hmmmmmmmmm ???? We are so much in love with eachother its just way intense. Anyway, FINALLY, he managed to communicate his feelings, how he needs his own time, he loves me but is trying to calm down blah blah, so I am prepared to give him the chance, now hes being very loving and telling me he loves me which is nice, hes making the effort and whooo there, hold on, im the one whos asking if we can see eachotehr tonight ?????????? Stop the bus.......now ive typed this out im not doing what i intended to do for myself and play it cool MAN im such a girl.......

So I think maybe it will be one of those relationships where we have to take it slowly and see less of eachoter and there will be tense moments. But hopefully it will be worth it in the long run and hell see i stood by him while he was growing up (Hes 35 by the way hmmmmmmmm) I love him, and i enjoy our relationship, its fun and comical but when we got back together saturday we held eachotehr for ages and SPARKS wow. I love him so much and I know he feels the same but its tough and i have to train myself to keep calm every hour.

[zapdragon]

...this is an interesting thread. I knew that I needed to break up from my then girlfriend for a while - I needed to sort some personal stuff out, which now, after 5 months is actually done. We have been in touch almost everyday, because we were such great friends anyway, so it did not make sense to draw too much of a distance for no good reason. We also have a business together, which is doing quite well. We work as a creative team and very well together. Recently though, say the past week and a bit, I have started to feel attracted to her again. In fact I feel like I am falling in love with her - not again - but for the first time. I'm a bit confused about all of this now. I was wondering if anyone had some wise words to impart or something along those lines. And does anyone have any idea that almost 'suddenly' you see someone you lived with for some years, in a totally new light? I'd be interested to continue this discussion. Thanks in advance.

[Sway1607307344]

hello all

 

Do you think if the dumper realizes they made a mistake months and months after the breakup and decide they like their ex again after the dumpee has moved on (but your both still friends), is there instances where the dumper would be to scared or have to much pride to say anything to the dumpee about wanting them back?

 

It's also possible that fear of rejection, may hold the dumper back from asking you out again. He/she dumped you once, so perhaps they are afraid to ask you out again, for fear you'll say no, due to them dumping you previous.

 

Why wouldn't they say anything?

 

Ex's usually like to come 'testing the waters', before they make their move to win back an ex. They may send texts, emails, drop a phone call to say 'hi', how are you', thought I'd give you a call/drop you an email to see how you are', etc, etc.

They are fishing for signs from you, to see if you are still interested, rather than tell you straight how they still feel and face the ultimate rejection!. Once you give them a sign that you are still interested, do still love them, etc....... well they don't fear being rejected anymore, so they will usually come clean.

A lot of folks will say 'play hard to get', make them sweat, in an instance where we have an ex come back and an ex who dumped us. But I personally wouldn't play those kinds of games. Playing hard to get, can come accross as 'disinterested' and people who play hard to get, often wonder why their ex disappeared. It's best to be totally honest, in regard to how you feel.

 

Do you think the attraction would keep growing and the dumper would eventually ask the dumpee back out again or just forget it?

 

If someone truly loves you, they will move mountains to be with you!!