why dont guys call when they say they will????

[livliv]

Are you guys really too busy to call or is that just an excuse? And when you do finally call, why does it take you multiple days or a week to do it? This question, by the way, is assuming you just met the girl recently and like her. Thanks boys, I really need your feedback

[RayKay]

Sometimes we are too busy and sometimes we lose interest. The rest of the time, it's because we don't want to appear too eager. Do you really want a guy who will drop everything to call someone he's just met and hardly knows? Most women will get turned off by that.

 

I certainly would not want him to wait a few days or a week or more to call. I then feel like its an indicator of how he will act the rest of the relationship, or his interest level. Sure might have me WANTING him to call, but I'll also start withdrawing my own interest by that point. I also have respect for myself to realize that I know I AM worth the consideration, if someone else does not see that, then they are not for me.

 

There is no need to "drop everything", but calling in a couple days, thats hardly "dropping everything". I am EXTREMELY busy, but if I said I would call someone, I will!

 

We also do it just to mess with your head.

 

Which in my opinion is a rather stupid reason. I find there are two approaches with people:

 

1) People who feel they must play games to create interest - ending up in a situation where one never is sure when to let the games go, or whether if the games were not there, there would be any substance.

 

2) People who realize that if the chemistry, interest is there, there should also be respect and consideration - not games. Sure, keep an independent life, but don't play games to play games and "mess with heads". If you can't actually call for a few days, SAY I can't call for a few days as I am very busy next few days.

 

Anyway, to original poster.

 

He was right in that sometimes they lose interest or are "very busy". But if he takes several days to call and it is the early stages, its your call. Sometimes they might be "creating angst", sometimes they might just not be as interested, sometimes they may not be only dating you so are busy....I think generally you can tell whether someone is blowing you off, or just "incredibly tied up".

[chai714]

Are you guys really too busy to call or is that just an excuse? And when you do finally call, why does it take you multiple days or a week to do it? This question, by the way, is assuming you just met the girl recently and like her. Thanks boys, I really need your feedback

 

He might have other priorities in his life. Since you're a new person that he just met, don't expect to be his first priority. If he doesn't call within a reasonable amount of time, forget about it and move forward.

 

*on a side note, I waited 2 weeks to call a girl I met. This wasn't on purpose, but I just forgot about her because I had other things going on and she wasn't a priority.

[asdf]

with somebody i've just started to know, i like to keep at least a few days in between everytime we meet. i've been with a few girls (from my classes) where because of class, we'd see each other at least 3 times a week, and it just got to a point where either because we saw each other so often so much, it was kind of a routine kind of feeling, or that we got so close so fast, that i just got uncomfortable myself. few days in between at the very least at the start is the general rule for me. and yes, it usually gets the girl more anticipated if she likes you.

 

i wouldn't lie about when i'd call her, i'd just say a few days. i won't say the number of days, because i might be busy, or even if i'm not that busy, maybe i just won't feel like calling her at that particular moment.

[shes2smart]

When I was single, I used to wonder this, too. Then I realized there was no point in my wondering about it...I couldn't control what they would or wouldn't choose to do. The only thing I could control was my own expectations.

 

So, if someone said they'd call, I didn't expect it to happen. I just went about my business and forgot about it. If they called it was a pleasant surprise...if not it wasn't a big deal.

 

When it comes to dealing with other people, the less you expect of them the less aggravation/irritation you'll have to deal with...and the more often you'll find yourself pleasantly surprised when others actually do follow through with what they said they'd do.

[DropToZero]

I'm not much of a phone person, yet if I literally say I'll call that day, I probably will call. But in light of recent events, I stopped calling this one girl who wants me to call her b/c I found she started dating some other guy alongside me and...it sucked. She's still calling, telling me I never call, and wants to talk etc...but I don't wanna deal with it...so I haven't called back and won't even tho I told her I would. So that's one 'excuse'...or at least mine.

[Day_Walker]

Plain and simple, a person doesnt call because they dont want to call, they may give excuses like they are busy or whatever else but they are just excuses.

[patience]

I think we all dread the whole phone thing! *ugh* waiting for a call, wondering if it is too soon to call, wondering when to call, what to say on an answering machine, blah, blah, blah

 

do you have his number? if so, call him if you like him

 

personally, I think it is essential that words and actions line up...if he says he'll call, he should...if he doesn't, red flag

[hoppy27]

what about this...............girl says shell call you on thursday. she doesnt.

you wait to see if she calls after the weekend. she doesnt. at this point im thinking she's not interested. she calls on wednesday. i was out and missed the call. i return her call on friday. call her cell.......no answer i leave a message. she has yet to call me back. what would you do??

i think shes just trying to tell me she's not interested anymore.

 

prior to this..........she had no problem calling me or returning my messages.

[patience]

she sounds unreliable

 

I think it is really rude to not call when they say they will, and to not return messages...and yes, it seems she is not interested enough

 

sorry

[Shidoshi]

Sometimes I think they don't call for the very same reason YOU won't call to find out why. Think about it........of course if they never call that's a pretty clear message.

 

I don't think there ever will exist a relationship without "games." We all play them to a certain degree, sometimes we don't even realize it on a conscious level.

[MetallicAguy]

Well if a guy says he'll call you expect 2 days to a week, that's life. If he promises like for example "I'll call you monday in the morning" and he doesn't call like for 3 days after that then he's just lazy.

[livliv]

all of these replies have been so great you guys, thank you so much.

[prozzack]

guy dont call right away cause it makes them sound desperate

 

guy also cant talk to other guy about it cause it amkes them sound gay so they have to think things threw them self

 

like me, i dont call the same girl over and over again, i call like twice and i dont call until she calls me

 

hope it help

[kooto]

yeah when i say i will call and don't, its not because i don't want its because i forget.

[asdf]

I don't think there ever will exist a relationship without "games." We all play them to a certain degree, sometimes we don't even realize it on a conscious level.

 

It really comes down to definition. Some people like to label some actions as playing games or manipulative. In all honesty, all interactive behaviour, especially in dating, is manipulative.

 

Manipulation is just trying to persuade somebody to act or feel the way you want them to feel. A guy buying a girl dinner, being nice to her, a girl wearing certain clothes to try and be more appealing, flipping her hair, waiting before you phone her so she anticipates it, etc, is all manipulative.

[isded]

um when i say im going to call im going to call but some times i will forget or already have plains and not be home when i was going to call ..... depends on the person some people just weren't going to call some where really busy ....you just have to no if you can trusth them.