Question for men.......after a breakup

[toonsy]

OK guys, I have some questions.....

 

Lets say you are in a relationship with a girl that you LOVE and believe she's 'the one' for you. It's very intense, but conflicts start to happen. Stupid arguments arise. Maybe it's tension, maybe it's fear.......who knows. But you decide even though you love her, and she's made it clear to you she loves you too, that it's best to break things off because you just cant take the stress.

 

You start seeing someone new. (Many guys do this to help get past the break-up, am I right?) Your ex is respectful of your new relationship and you 2 decide to work at being friends.

 

Here's the questions.........

-Do you think about your ex even though you're in a new relationship?

-Do you compare them?

-Do you ever consider what went wrong and going back to the one you LOVE and trying to make it work?

-Does it make any difference to you that your ex told you that she still loves you, thinks you're "the one", but will respect your new relationship and wishes you happiness?

 

Can you men out there tell me what goes through your mind after a breakup? What wins you back? If you still love her she doesnt need to win you heart persae, but what would make you decide to go back?

 

 

[Satin]

I wanted to post even though I'm not a guy...because these are good questions. I am curious to see their replies .

Thanks Toonsy

[Sebulous]

-Do you think about your ex even though you're in a new relationship? Usually

-Do you compare them?

Often in my mind.

-Do you ever consider what went wrong and going back to the one you LOVE and trying to make it work?

Do try to think what went wrong and fix it for next relationship. Depends on if she is worth it / what ever the break up was about.

-Does it make any difference to you that your ex told you that she still loves you, thinks you're "the one", but will respect your new relationship and wishes you happiness?

Sounds like you two ended on a good note. I prefer ending on good notes cause no strangeness, i.e. stalking / spying / hatred

 

 

Sometimes, us guys will say anything to get into your pants. Guys do say that you are the one if it means instant lay. But it sounds like that isn't the case here since he said he still cares about you, although you never know.

 

Cant advise you on how to get him back. never had a girl come back to me.

[chai714]

Here's the questions.........

-Do you think about your ex even though you're in a new relationship?

-Do you compare them?

-Do you ever consider what went wrong and going back to the one you LOVE and trying to make it work?

-Does it make any difference to you that your ex told you that she still loves you, thinks you're "the one", but will respect your new relationship and wishes you happiness?

 

Can you men out there tell me what goes through your mind after a breakup? What wins you back? If you still love her she doesnt need to win you heart persae, but what would make you decide to go back?

Not all men are the same, so answers will vary. Below are my answers to your questions.

Yes

Yes

Yes, but I would need to know how and why things would work the second time around.

Her telling me that lessens her chances. Human nature tells us we want what we can't have. IMO, only fools tell their "target" how they feel about them (before they get them).

 

What goes through a mind after a breakup? A million things. What wins me back? There's no single tactic that should be used to "win back" someone. It's all about studying human behavior and their behavior then devising tactics that fit your personality and theirs.

 

My question for you: How long has he been with his new girlfriend?

[toonsy]

He's been with this new girl about 3-4 weeks.

 

When we broke up, he was very distraught. He said on one hand he still loved me and wanted me, but on the other hand he couldnt deal with the arguments with all the stress he has in his life right now.

 

Sensing the break-up, I contacted another man because I felt so pushed away. When he learned this he was devistated. Even though he initiated the break-up, he felt as though I was the one to "end" things because I had done that and was 'moving on'. After some discussion, we agreed to break-up, see other people, work on a friendship foundation and 'see what happens'.

 

He started seeing her soon after....which would be about 3 to 4 weeks now they've been together.

 

I have since told him that I am not interested in that man, or any others. I still want him and love him. But, I respect his new relationship and hope he will be happy. He has maintained he still wants to work on the friendship because he feels "that's something we missed......you never know what could happen"......he said. I told him i felt strange initiating contact due to his relationship. He said "dont worry, you wont affect my relationship with her." He said he's been completely honest with her about who I am and our situation.

 

So.......theres a background.......

[Adelle]

I'm very interested in hearing more guys' opinions!!!

Toonsy, thanks for posting this, your situation is SO similar to mine, except my ex has not been interested in or dating other girls since he broke it off. Neither have I. And its been 3 months for us, a bit longer than your situation.

Problem is, we're long distance, so there's no way for us to 'see' each other. But all your questions are still so valid in my situation too.

We know all guys are different, which is why we want to hear more answers, to get a variety of opinions.

guys? what's your two cents?

[NU_BLUE]

Don't mean to hijack your thread or anything...But what about the females? Same questions..

[Xodus]

Well I tried the long distance cyber relationship, we had sorta the same falling out b/c we just couldnt handle the stress, well about a month latter I started dating someone new in real life. Me and my ex did choose to try and work things out as friends and it went pritty well, tell you the rest after answer questions lol.

 

Here's the questions.........

-Do you think about your ex even though you're in a new relationship?

Yes I did, every time my new girlfriend would say a certian phrase or when she would call me I kept thinking back to the way me and my ex would talk about same thing or how I used to wait to hear the phone ring just to see if it was her.

 

-Do you compare them?

To a certian extent I did, but not on as many levels as i thought i would because my ex had a lot longer bond with me that was at a whole diffrent level.

 

-Do you ever consider what went wrong and going back to the one you LOVE and trying to make it work?

Ok actually this will be the end of my story. me and my ex started talking and out of the blue we just started talking about what things could be like if we ever got to meet each other. Well i conviced my mom to let me go, so i saved up the money and told my g/f what i was doing, and she supported me b/c she wanted me to get things straight with my ex before we went any futher.

 

-Does it make any difference to you that your ex told you that she still loves you, thinks you're "the one", but will respect your new relationship and wishes you happiness?

My ex did tell me these things before i went up there to see her, and she told me she would understand if i did not come that she did love me but wanted to respect me.

 

I went, we got together and we stayed together for a good while, unfortently will have to say still didnt work out, but not for reasons of trust or anything of that matter. She got accepted into the naval academy and we got to talk about every 2 months so it just didnt last Hope this helped.

[SeaDogg]

Here's the questions and answers

 

-Do you think about your ex even though you're in a new relationship?

 

I recently started seeing another woman, have been away from the ex for almost 5 months now. I still think about all the great time we had, yes, but I try and have as much fun as I can in the present because moping and thinking about how it USED to be won't do anything for me at this moment.

 

-Do you compare them?

 

Yes, but you could compare every little detail about every relationship, there's bound to be differences and similarities... I just build on the things that my new relationship provides that faded away in my last, makes me feel good about myself, and makes me happy... My ex and I shared A LOT more common interests and it made it easier to decide on activities and things to do together, overall, I miss the ex more right now.

 

-Do you ever consider what went wrong and going back to the one you LOVE and trying to make it work?

 

I know what went wrong, and that's the hardest part because I know how strong of a relationship we could build if we would just be honest with each other and fix our problems that we never cared to fix because we became too comfortable with each other... and I know how perfect we were together, everything was always just right, and I loved it to death, it was like a dream that you hope you never wake up from. If my ex wanted to rebuild things (she initiated the break up and NC) I would welcome her back with open arms in a heartbeat at this point in time, although I would make damn sure we laid down the groundwork to ensure our happiness in the future, and find out EXACTLY what her reasons were for givin' me the shaft, because I have a gut feelin' she messed around on me and was too ashamed to admit it so she had to let me go instead... but on the otherhand, I knew my ex toooooooo well for her to do something like that, so my mind is probably just coming up with crap to answer the "why" question i've had since day 1 of breakup.

 

-Does it make any difference to you that your ex told you that she still loves you, thinks you're "the one", but will respect your new relationship and wishes you happiness?

 

Yes, I would be thrilled if my ex told me she still loves me because it would be a sign that she's telling the truth... of course the few weeks following the breakup we talked maybe a half dozen times, and she was so pissed off and in the "we're done, we'll never be together ever again, not even as friends, you never knew how to care for me, love me bla bla bla" basically a defense for her because she couldn't cope with it... recently I have talked to a mutual friend of ours, and have found out that she still can't bring herself to date anyone because she misses me and thinks about me too much... But if I was in THAT good of a relationship that superceded the one I had with my Ex, then I would just say thank you, hope to keep in contact with her, and hang one once in awhile.

 

Well, enough ramblin' from me, have a great day!

 

[lightn]

Here's the questions.........

-Do you think about your ex even though you're in a new relationship?

-Do you compare them?

-Do you ever consider what went wrong and going back to the one you LOVE and trying to make it work?

-Does it make any difference to you that your ex told you that she still loves you, thinks you're "the one", but will respect your new relationship and wishes you happiness?

 

1. Well have not done that because I am not in a new relationship but If I was it will hold water.

 

2. Probably would and even since I am not dating my mind still does that.

 

3. Well that would be up to her on went wrong. Till this date I don;t know what went wrong if anything.

 

4. Yes it would if I was in a new relationship and would have to think it thru seriously on can she do it again, would she aplogize or act like nothing was wrong, and I am sure it would have to hit her hard to see what she lost.

 

After the breakup I felt like what did I do wrong and then giving me all those lame excuses , but the I would see I did nothing wrong expect treating her well. It is on her and she has isuses. I still care about her and even though the breakup is over a year the no contact has now been 3 months. Her one excuse is that I am always around but now I am not since we don;t work together. Lets see how that works. She did ask about me but it took 6 weeks. but then again she again either her pride is in the way or her emotional issues like nothing happen will get in the way.

[alphonsefa]

-Do you think about your ex even though you're in a new relationship?

 

Yes, and to flip it on its head, I wonder if she ever thinks about me anymore.

 

-Do you compare them?

 

Yes, it's human nature to do that. My guess is she'll do the same to some degree when she is with someone new.

 

-Do you ever consider what went wrong and going back to the one you LOVE and trying to make it work?

 

Tried 3 times to make it work, she keeps blowing it all apart. I know what went wrong; I found the right girl at the wrong time. She was in a 6 year abusive relationship before we were together and the damage had been done. She did the whole counseling thing and medication for the depression, but it all seemed to only make things worse. Once it goes bad, for whatever reason, there's little chance of ever getting things back to where they were.

 

-Does it make any difference to you that your ex told you that she still loves you, thinks you're "the one", but will respect your new relationship and wishes you happiness?

 

Though not politically correct to say but, "do you really ever wish someone you broke up with happiness"? Maybe some people do, but I guess it really depends on how the other person treated you. My Ex actually admitted to using me, so I'm not ashamed to say that I hope she is miserable with her life.

[spiderman_56]

-Do you think about your ex even though you're in a new relationship?

Yea. Break ups are very hard because you are loosing a part of urself, the person with whom you shared experiences and time, is now gone. It's human nature to miss good things we've had.

 

-Do you compare them?

Yea, but very slightly and I tend to realize that it's pointless as they are 2 persons completely different

 

-Do you ever consider what went wrong and going back to the one you LOVE and trying to make it work?

I know what went wrong. I wish it was a better timing and that the stupid 'mistakes' didn't occur, that she knew more about life and stood up for the things she wanted but I wouldn't go back to give it a second chance.

 

-Does it make any difference to you that your ex told you that she still loves you, thinks you're "the one", but will respect your new relationship and wishes you happiness?

We would be the best friends ever , one of the person you alwayz luv and care for but it would never get to a serious-love relationship.