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I cried when we made love, and now he's scared...

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My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and last night we tried making love for the first time, he's 23 and I'm 20, he has experience, I was a virgin. We've talked about it before and he knows, so he went really slow, but last night when he was inside me and he started going in and out I started crying...not because it hurt or anything, but because I'm just so in love with him and I was so unbelieveably happy that I gave my virginity to him, but when tears started flowing from my eyes, he pulled out and was immediately concerned about me...I told him that I was okay and that I'm just so in love and was overwhelmed(in a good way) with everything that I was feeling at that one moment in time, but even after I explained that to him, he looked almost...crushed, like he was a failure, and I just comforted him for the rest of the night and we fell asleep in each other's arms. Today we spent the whole day with each other at his place, again we wanted to make love, after he put the condom on, he couldn't do it, he said he was afraid of losing me because we couldn't make love...and I told him how incredibly in love with him I was...but now he's just afraid of hurting me and losing me...I love how he cares so much, but what do I do?

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i know exactly how your boyfriend feels, i too have experienced that same scenario, while making love my girlfriend got teary eyes (it was our first time) i stop immediately because that really shocked me, she said it was just fine, she was happy that we made love, i felt so scared and i dont know why but it feels like i was not doing pretty good at all, i got over it after 3 weeks and everything was fine again.

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Hi Liz,

I'm female, but have had a guy start crying on me, twas a very long time ago, when i was less experienced, and I wondered what was wrong too.


I think there can be two reasons why guys do this, but looking at what you have written, perhaps the most apparent one is that he felt he had lost control of the situation and you.


If reassurance works, great. However, perhaps you should consider that what he has done here is an act of control. i.e he has found your emotions difficult to cope with/translate. Then consider that because he didn't know how to handle your emotions, he has switched the situation in a pretty proverbial way to you being responsible for his emotions.



I hope all continues great for you and this is resolved, but in your shoes, id be watching out for other situations in the relationship whereby if he is confused by emotion, he switches the tack round to you reassuring him so he regains control- and tread carefully if so..

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Most men find it hard to look into the reasons of emotions. If we smile, we're happy, if we laugh - we're having fun. If we cry - we're hurt/upset.


Most men can't comprehend that this could be a realease for your love.


Remind him that you love him and explain why you were crying.


He sounds sensitive so be loving about it.

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You take charge and instigate the love making.


Once he realises that's what you want he'll be so turned on you shouldn't have a problem.


I had a problem with my husband. We got together when he was 32 and he wasn't very experienced. I'd been married before.


He came before he got anywhere near me! He was really embarrassed. I said it didn't matter and cuddled him in and we went to sleep.


Next night we tried again. He was so stressed he wasn't very hard. I said turn over. I slid down on top. No problems ever since!


So as I said before you have to persuade him. Don't talk about it. Show him.


Good luck.

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