Help me please

[Iconfused]

I was having a tidy out this morning and came accross a bag under the computer that used to be mine, but my fiance sometimes uses for work.

I looked in it and there was a porn mag (not so unusual), a long blonde wig, ten of sexy lace thongs, one of my tops, some of my foundation and two of my lipsticks, along with an empty jiffy bag addressed to my fiance.

 

I am really shocked and I have no idea what to do next. I have been with my fiance for four and a half years and we are getting married in 2007. What do I do? I have made no moves as yet.

 

Forgive me if I am jumping to conclusions but it is all very strange. This is a football-loving, beer drinking man who rants on an on about how people like Kemal in Big Brother are disgusting (he wears make up and women's clothes) when I am watching it.

 

Please give me some advice...

 

x

[Ms Omaniac]

sounds strange...very strange.

 

you definitely need to talk to him about it. after he explains...then you can decide what you should do from there.

 

but seeing all that stuff will lead you to draw your own conclusions which may or may not be true. so you definitely need open communication asap.

 

after he gives you his explanation...hopefully you can listen with an open mind and discuss where you two go from there.

 

good luck.

 

- ivy

[Laughing Sam]

This is a football-loving, beer drinking man who rants on an on about how people like Kemal in Big Brother are disgusting (he wears make up and women's clothes) when I am watching it.

 

Please give me some advice...

 

x

 

Me thinks he doth protest to much

[coma]

Not to use your pain as amusement, but please keep posting in this thread. It will be interesting to see how things turn out, and give the rest of us something to distract from our own problems for a bit.

 

That said, you'll obviously have to talk about it eventually. If he is actually into wearing the stuff he would probably be really embarrassed if you just came out with it. A lot of guys get turned on by wearing some of their girlfriend's clothes - it's not even a gay thing usually. This doesn't mean he is gay or cheating, maybe he just feels hot with it.

 

You could try suggesting something small and see if he takes the bite. Ask him to carry a pair of your panties around in his pocket for the day. If he admits to liking that, maybe he will open up a bit more eventually.

 

Of course, you may just be turned off by the whole thing.

[Ms Omaniac]

i personally wouldnt be turned off by it. he's the same person that he was...this is just a different side of him.

 

and if you marry someone...you should love them completely and accept who they are completely. and if you cant accept this...then this is definitely something to consider and talk about.

 

i think if you want him to deny this part of himself...it's being rather unfair since it is who he is but that is your call. he also might agree to what you want but later might regret his decision or still daydream about it. i personally would embrace it because it is a part of him.

 

either way....you 2 should definitely talk about this.

 

- ivy

[carlogiovanni]

It could be completely innocent. It might not be, but there's no point in guessing and coming to any conclusions. Casually bring it up, and just ask him why he had your things in the bag. You'll be able to tell from his reaction at least if it's something he's trying to hide.

 

One more thing. If he flips out and immediately goes on the defensive ("Why did you go through my things in the first place") or something similar, by that I mean diverting attention, that's usually a good sign if he has something to hide.

 

You'll just go round in circles in your head and blow everything out of proportion if you sling any accusations or wild ideas, as you say this seems out of character and the only way you're going to know is by asking him as if it's nothing. You won't know unless you do.

[pizzachick13]

Like carlogiovanni said, this could be completely innocent. Maybe he wants to take you off on a sexy weekend for just the two of you and he's been secretly packing some things away.

 

You can never know until you ask

 

Sappho...