Is their Substance to my Doubts?

[YBBLUE]

Background

 

Recently my girlfriend of 3 years (age 48, divorced 13 years, one daughter age 26 ) applied and interviewed for an executive administrative position with the CEO of a Fortune 500 Company that both her and I work for. This position may have required occasional international travel with this Executive. My position with this Company is middle management and I have no contact with this individual. Prior to taking this action she asked my opinion whether she should apply given her sense of loyalty to her present organization and co-workers. I conveyed that she should do what is best for her and that there is no harm in simply applying for a better and more rewarding position within the Company. (aside note: technically from an education and training standpoint she wasn't really qualified for this position). Either way she applied, was granted an interview and subsequently was very confidant that she would be offered the position.

 

Although I am content remaining single my girlfriend has expressed her love for me, desire for us to marry and grow old together. I have given this deep thought and I also was considering marriage. Currently we do not live together. (I am 47, divorced 7 years, 2 daughters ages 24 and 20).

 

Present

 

She did not get the job. Upon telling me of her rejection she also conveyed that she had dated this individual approx 10 years earlier when she was employed elsewhere (both were divorced and CEO is still unmarried) and that she was going to tell me when she got the position so that I wouldn't be surprised if someone else had told me. Needless to say I was very surprised for several reasons. Upon further discussion she conveyed that they had gone out 6 times and that she had ended it because they didn't have much in common and he was a workaholic. Further conversation disclosed that they had been intimate.

 

My Problem

 

If this woman truly loved me I feel she should have been upfront with me from the beginning. Especially if we are considering marriage. Basically if she had conveyed this information I would have said that was 10 years ago and that it really didn't concern me now and I would have thanked her for telling me However I would also have told her as I subsequently did that she would have to be very naive to think that this Executive CEO given todays business climate would even consider for one minute to hire her even if she was the best qualified candidate. However, given that she was not fully upfront I am now doubting her sincerity and love and am also doubting whether she was the one who really ending her relationship with the CEO. She had now conveyed in subsequent conversations that the breakup was mutual. Although I have never asked her about her previous sexual partners or relationships I am somewhat bothered (just old fashioned) how a woman can be intimate with someone who she says she was not really attracted to or compatible. I personally have no interest in having sexual relations with someone unless I know the woman, like her, enjoy being with her, find her attractive and also view her as a potential life partner. Do my doubts have substance or should I simply try and put this behind me? I have no desire to make a lifelong commitment that may be another mistake. Thanks for your feedback.

[heloladies21]

Honestly, it would irk me too if she didn't tell me about her relationship with the guy, but it was 10 years ago and that is a long time indeed. But I think the fact her sexual past came up and how you think she views sex is what bothers you more. People's ideals change and the only thing that matters is how you both see things right now.

 

Personally, a girls previous partners are never an issue to me. It's just not important.

[Tigris]

You can't change her past and she can't change yours! You've got one of two choices. You either put it behind you or you give up on the relationship. If you don't put it to the back of your mind you will cause problems within the relationship and you'll break it up!

[chai714]

YB,

Welcome to the boards. While she wasn't upfront about everything about her past relationship, she didn't flat out lie about it either. Are there rules about a "full disclosure" of everything? Not in my book.

 

You have a different view on sex than her. You will only sleep with someone you see as a potential life partner, while she has a different perspective. Is she wrong for having a different view on sex than you? No. Do you have a right to be angry? Of course, but you can't be angry with her. Of course, this turn of events raised suspicions in her and now you probably don't completely trust her. But in all fairness, her past behavior or encounter has little to do with how she feels about you today.

[brando]

What bothered me about this is that the job (which she didnt get rewuired traveling with this guy), sorry a romantic past and traveling on business.

 

 

Since it isnt happening now, maybe if you explained it bothered you a little she didnt tell you about their history, especially with the potential business traveling, or just let it go.