putting it here is better... is this normal?

[SeaDogg]

Than breakin' NC...

 

The ex broke it off just over 4 months ago, and demanded NC. Well, I couldn't do it even though I "promised" I wouldn't... tried all I could for 2 weeks to get her to change her mind, but it made her even more angry... and I knew it was going to, but still wanted to try and bring peace. Afterall, she was the one in tears when we broke up giving me the lets be best friends speech, which I was hesitant to agree upon (because of the no contact I knew that would follow), but ended up agreeing to because it made her happy, and me happy as well because I knew we could still hang out... the total opposite happens.

 

Anyways, a month goes by and we say our final farewells as I was graduating college and she was leaving for the summer. It was a "closure" talk but was more along the lines of her ^#%$&!@ me out for 45 minutes, even though I was the one that was supposedly "angry", I just sat there staring her in the eyes listening. She gets up, tells me we're never going to talk again, and leaves without even saying anything.... 10 minutes later I get a call, "Hey it's me, give me a call anytime of the night, whenever you get this, I want to talk"... I still look back on it thinking what the heck?

 

Well, moved accross the country and was loving life, was glad to be away from the relationship, glad to start the healing process... and haven't thought about contacting the ex at all. It's been over 3 months now since no contact, and every day seemed to get better naturally.

 

Well, recently (about a week or so ago) I started having dreams of me and the ex getting back together. Sometimes it will be her asking me, other times me asking her, sometimes things go great, othertimes things go south... I went the whole summer recouperating, never feeling the urge to contact her at all, yet now I'm thinking about it every day. It seems like everywhere I go there's something that leads back to the ex, whether it's a song on the radio walking into work, the gas pump dollar total stopping on our proposed wedding date (which whould have been a year from today), whatever it may be, there's signs that keep pointing towards her that I never payed any attention to until this past week... and I know it's more along the lines of me noticing these things/having dreams because it's what I wish would happen now, but don't, and 99.9% chance they won't..

 

Why do I all of the sudden have the change of thought?

 

I still keep in contact with her Mother more so in the past couple days, and she doesn't hold a grudge against me or anything, but I was very close to her mom, we always talked, saw each other on a regular basis, and had a great time together... more so recently we have been chatting with each other about life, but neither one of us has brought up the ex at all... it makes it tough because I know how enjoyable it was to be part of the their family so to speak, now I'm just the "ex-boyfriend".

 

I want to break the NC so badly right now, and I think to myself what's the worst than can happen? She can continue to ignore me? Well that's ok, because atleast I tried.

 

well, goooooos fraba! seen Anger Management?

[DN]

Don't do it. It will serve no purpose other than to put you back to square one. If she wanted to contact you she could have. This is just a temporary setback, Get over it and move on.

[LostInTranslation]

SeaDogg,

Just keep up with NC. I wish I could get to over three months of NC as you have ... I can't even make it a week. Be strong and keep going. You've made so much progress. Just remember that if she loved you the same, she would have contacted you by now. If and when she's ready, she will contact you. If not, you will be further along in the healing process. Best Wishes.

[Kurodashi]

Ever heard the saying, "Absense makes the heart grow fonder"?

There's a reason that sayings so famous.

 

Remember when you first started NC, and how relieved you were?

In time, you forget the hardships and only remember the fond memories, you get over the pain and move on.

However, thinking about those good times TOO much canbecome unhealthy, you'll start to give you ex a holy light, and glorify her more than she diserves.

 

Remember the bad times, remember why you broke up, remember the hardships and all the time you wasted on petty arguments.

 

All the happy thoughts are blinding you, remember to be fair on your heart, and be true in your reflections!

[Bounder]

In French there is a sayong of "loin des yeux, loin du coeur" loosely translated is basically a love version of out of sight out of mind. Thats what my ex wants from NC, to get me out of her heart, because she said contact made her feel connected to me still, confiused, and she didnt want that. in your case, maybe its been long enough that contact would revive the bad stuff, who knows, or maybe youll see your different now, and that could be good and bad in regard to yourview of her.

 

The key is contacting her and not depending on her for a sense of healthiness during the contact...expectations and all that stuff. Make sense?

[SeaDogg]

Thanks for the replies... just needed to vent a little and just put thoughts down, feelin' much better know

 

Bounder: Out of sight, out of mind makes pretty good sense in my case... the more I look back on things and talk to some of our friends, sounds like she ended up hookin' up with another guy while I was out of town on vacation (last thing I saw coming after 2 1/2 years) and couldn't deal with beating around the bush and keeping me around so just decided to get rid of me, and harshly so I wouldn't want to be with her, but that's something only the devil herself knows

 

When you say contact her and not depending on her for a sense of healthiness during the contact, do you mean if I ever do chat with her to not expect anything good to come of it or find out any relative information about how she's doing or??? kinda lost there.

 

 

g'Night.

[regret1]

SeaDogg Wrote

I started having dreams of me and the ex getting back together.

 

Tell me about it...I have been having those dream almost everyday for a week. Every time you have the urge to pick up the phone.. come here. Pour your heart and we'll listen. We are here for ya'll.

[Bounder]

By depedning on contact for a sesne of healthiness I mean just be very aware of why you are renewing contact and perhaps potential for disapointment. If the need to talk outwieghs any potential setback.....then try it

[SeaDogg]

Well, I never did contact her, although I am considering just sending an email in about a month or so... I will be visiting where she lives in just over a month, so I was thinking maybe sending a note, a "Hi, i'm in town, would you like to have lunch together as friends?"

 

Or something basic like that... I know I shouldn't contact her because "I need to get over it", but if someone traveled accross the country and was going to be in the same town as I was in, I would hope they would atleast let me know they were going to be in town, even if they did put my heart through a meat grinder...

 

anyways, IF I do decide to contact her, what would be the best method of doing it, and what should I say or plan out some things that will get her thinking about past times without pissing her off or making it look like I'm being "sneaky" so to speak???

 

Anyways, for some reason, I started balling my eyes out last night when I was going to bed, first time that's happened since the first week or so of being apart... man I never felt so crappy about not being with her anymore!!!! But today was better, thought less of her and even got the number from some girl I work with, first date I will be going on since being single, feeling kinda weirded out about it, especially since I will be moving in a month, and would hate to try and start a relationship when I would be moving like that... just wouldn't be fair... but just need to go out and have a good time and put the past behind me I suppose! But the past has been lingerin' lately, and it's not only makin' me sad, but startin' to piss me off as well because no matter what I do there's always signs that lead to the past.

 

OK enough venting, if anyone has any advice to the above questions, that would be groovy

[scottfromoz]

if your goinng to be in the same town definetly let her know, i wouldnt bother with email just call her say ill be in town wanna go for coffee, catch up as friends. If you dont you will just spend your time wondering if u made the rtight choice and probably walking around your town hoping you might run into her

[FCTex]

I too have been down.. It's been a week for me since the mess started. We're taking a "break". However, we've pretty much without saying so, had NC since the day after we took a break. It's killing me. I didnt do good the first day, or two. I went one day without anything and almost died from heartbreak, so I let in.. I made it the whole weekend however with NC. Just partied with old friends..

 

What messes me up is.. I was planning on seeing her at Church today.. she didnt show up.. For whatever reason, if she just wasnt ready to see me and all, or what.. It hurt me. I wanted to see her. I broke down in the car at church, and called her.. I didnt cry.. I had a quivering lip, and shaky voice when I told her that I was sorry I called, and that I just miss her and love her..

 

She got online tonight too, and I did everything to fight msg'in her. I put an away msg up and left the computer.. She logged off later later..

 

I've been dreaming of her every night except Friday, and I passed out drunk, so I dont think I dreamed. They are usually good dreams, not even sexual. I have no sex drive. Just me holding her hand.. and smiling.. Thats all it usually is.. I'm just hurting tonight.. I feel like I need to cry. I dont like being blocked out by her, and it's worse because we're not on bad terms at all. We didnt fight, to bring us to this. There isn't someone involved. I think she's upset about it all, as her brother told me, she doesn't even wanna talk about it to him, and she tells him everything.. She's hurting, and he said that she doesn't wanna talk to me right now, because it'll make it harder on both of us.

 

But God help me.. I've never wanting anything more than her right now.. I let myself down by expecting to see her today, and even more so, thinkin she might answer my phone call, or return it....

[Bounder]

Its okay man....feel it, let yourself feel it, because eventually you will get exhausted, and then you will start looking at what YOU need. Yes, there are things you want to do for her right now, but if doesnt want them, then they will only hurt you or disapoint you. Keep going, you can do it