How can I reassure him everything will be ok??? In time...

[missjayne]

My bf and I split up a couple of weeks ago. He hurt me alot by a few things he said so I told him I never wanted to see him again. Anyways he came round for a chat on the weekend and we've decided we're gonna make another go of things. The only problem is everyone is angry at me because I decided to give him another chance. I was hurt and I made out to be a really bad guy when we split up.

 

Now he's worried that I will constantly be defending him to my family and friends all the time. He's said that it's not fair on me to have to do that. He's also worried that we'll always be thinking and worrying about what everyone else is thinking. And like I've said to him if we're happy then that's all that matters, he said but yeah your not gonna be happy for long if you have to defend me. He keeps saying that he doesn't wanna be the one they blame, but their not. My family and friends understand the desicion I've made and support me despite the fact they're a little angry that I let him treat me the way he did. If it ends in tears this time it's my fault. They understand that. It's gonna take time for him to build up the trust with my family and that again.

 

Eveythings ok at the moment, my family are civil to him. He's not 100% sure. And I'm not ready to lose him yet, I've forgiven him for what happened and we talked things through, things are different this time.

 

How do I reassure him that everything will be ok in time?

 

Thanks missjayne....

[brando]

I dont think you can reassure him. It just isnt possible. He has to forgive himself for what happened i the past, realize that your friends and family are concerned. and that you two are together now and that is all that matters.

 

He needs to reassure himself tha things will be better between you two.

[Kurodashi]

Oh no, You probably will not enjoy my advice.

I had the exact same situation happen to me. And sadly? My family was right, the guy was bad news. How long did it take me to believe them? Over a year. Yep, I let him treat me horribly then justify it. I would listen to his justifications and believe him. He lied so very, very well.

 

My advice is listen to your family. If he made you THAT upset that you would bad mouth him to your family, and rightfully so, then he isn't worth it. You need someone who makes you feel loved... not someone "who'll do".

 

I know it's probably not the encouragment you want to hear right now, but God knows, if I had made a thread like this way back when I was going through the exact same thing I WISH someone had said this to me.

 

Please stop and look at why your family doesnt like him. Dont try and justify it with things he has said. Now look at why you said those things.

Why did you get back together? Did he justify his actions?

 

I think you seriously need to re-evaluate the situation first. Because if he does it again, you will bad-mouth him to your family again, then if you get back together after that - youll have this problem TEN FOLD.

 

So be very careful. Know when to confide in your family, but also, know when to listen to them! Sometimes people on the outside can see things you cant.

So I beg you, please consider their concerns! It may save you alot of pain.

[Beec]

I think you make sure that he knows there is only one thing he needs tow rroy about in this regard: How you feel. If you feel that you want to be with him, you will be with him, end of story. If you stop feeling that way, then it would take steel chain to keep you with him. All he needs to do is worry about how you feel.

[missjayne]

Thanks Guys! But I just broke things off for good, so um.... yeah

 

We talked and realised that things just weren't right so I guess, nothing left to say. Thanks again and sorry to have bothered you.

[Kurodashi]

You did NOT bother us at all hon ^_^

Feel free to return and get in touch if you have any problems with the break up. And especially since I've been in your position before, don't hesitate to PM or email me if you need to talk

[missjayne]

Thanks. I just feel so alone right now. we left on good terms. I didn't want to cry again, why didn't he just let me go the first time.

[Kurodashi]

You don't need to feel alone. If anything, feel free. Think about all the trouble and hurt it caused you being in the relationship... Now you dont need to worry about it anymore.

You can set your sights on becoming a stronger woman, and finding a man that you will truley never have any issues with.

With time, if you stay strong through this storm, you will find yourself on the other end. And it will be so lovely that you will wonder why you ever gave yourself so much grief over a man that wasnt a great match for you.

Hang in there, be strong. And if you need, you can always get in touch.

You don't need to feel alone, you're not.

[ComputerGuy]

I'm going to back up Kurodashi's advice with some more advice you probably don't want to hear. You need to do work on getting over this guy if you want to be able to get on with your life...if you don't, you will only keep beating yourself up.

 

Remind yourself that you deserve better...you do...and I suggest NC (no contact) to help give you the space to heal. NC means no e-mails, calls, letters to friends to give to him...nothing. I know it sounds harsh and you more than likely don't want to hear it, but I can say from personal experience once you start working through the initial pain and get some momentum behind it, it becomes easier and easier until eventually you don't think about it anymore.

 

You don't have to feel alone, the name of the site should tell you that eNOTALONE You always have people here who will listen and help.