My ex is the strangest person i've ever met....help!

[radiogirl24]

Hello everyone! I am new to this forum and thought it would help to vent my problems and get some advice. I dated my ex for about 4 years all through college and year after college. Things were great for awhile then we started fighting over petty things and did the whole make up, break up things quite a few times. This last time we ended it was about 4 months ago. I know the reason he didn't try to get me back before...it was because I was having some emotional problems and trying to get through school. But I am on a very positive track right now with a new successful career started and feel that I have matured quite a bit. The long and short of it is...I still love him and even after 4 months I cannot get this man out of my head. I have tried everything to get him back from begging to completely ignoring him for months to just trying to be friends. Well recently I visited him for the first time since the break-up. We had a wonderful time...besides some of his usual ribbing and ended up in bed together with many of the same feelings pouring themselves out. But when I brought up the idea of just dating to see where things might go he said he couldn't do that with me...He said there was no dating for us...because we had too much baggage...it was all or nothing...and right now he didn't want to commit himself to all of it. He said he was open to being friends and hanging out. I'm not worried about being used...because the sex was very consensual and being an adult I know that sometimes two people just have a very physical attraction. In fact I think I could deal with that if I knew he just wanted sex. But he wants to spend time with me and hang out and talk....at least that is how it seems. I just don't understand any of it. He admits he still loves me and hasn't really dated since we broke up...he admits that he is still extremely attracted to me....Why the hell won't he at least consider dating me? Is there a plan of action that would work to make him mine again? If not, then how the hell do I get over him? And one last question? Can exes really be friends??

[segagirl]

Everyone seems to think they can heal so quickly! Of course you still love him after 4 months, its only 4 months. You spent years developing a loving bond with him, that simply does not disappear in 4 months. You may in fact feel love for him for many many years. What we do however is learn to live without that special someone, we learn how to swallow the tears and move ahead looking for a new life.

my best advice to you is you need to move on...moving on does not mean feel better, it means leaving him out of your life. Take the time you need to care for yourself, without him.

You mentioned sleeping with him if he said to you thats all he wants. I would like you to think really hard about that. You know in your heart that would simply be a way of keeping him around. If you are looking for causal sex, you are looking for trouble emotionally.

And lastly can you be friends? Sure I am very close with my ex of 5 years. BUT, we had to heal and be over wanting to get back as a couple before that could happen...its not easy to do. It takes time, and self exploration.

So time to let him go my dear.