August200, I feel ya

[ReaderGrrl]

Same here, except that I'm 23 and have not had ANY kind of romantic relationship, and am still learning to make friends. I appreciate what everyone's written here, but I'm totally losing my motivation. The few friends I've made ended up having nothing to do with me once they'd graduated from college. And the girls I've been interested in have never liked me back. The absolutely wonderful person I last emailed in June never even got back to me. You're probably thinking "get a life," and I am trying to. I do have hobbies and all.

Anyway, I'm starting to think, why bother? From what I've read and heard so far, dating is a huge mine field. First the one you really like might not be into you. Then they might not call after the first date. Then there's a bunch of other little "surprises" that may come up. You don't even know if and when you're going to break up. Keeping all this in mind, is there any reason to keep trying? Is there any light at the end of whatever this is?

[deRocket5]

sad thing is i JUST got through telling my buddy the same things:

 

look...sometimes, life's a pain, but if you stop trying now, where's that gonna leave ya?, its gonna leave ya nowhere. Dating is a mine field, trust me. I promise you'll be shot down more times than once thought humanly possible, cause that's the way life is. what you have to do is keep fighting until you find one who is truly worth fighting for, and then you fight for her. the question then wont be how far youll be willing to go, but rather if your ready to go as far as needed (b.s. quote)

 

...and if things don't work out, you just gotta dust yourself off and try again, cause thats the way dating works...

 

there is always a reason to keep trying, there is someone out there, and i wish you the best of luck in finding her...

 

hope this helps

 

-guardianofdr-

[ShySoul]

It isn't easy and you will probably be hurt along the way, many times. But the prize at the end is worth it all... love. If you give up now you quarantee sorrow and lonliness for years to come. You let fears and heartache control you. But in trying you say that you are stronger then that. And it is worth fighting for.

 

Keep up hope. Because sometimes, hope is all we have....

[Süsser Tod]

Well, I had a relationship for 3 years...

 

But still don't have ANY friends at all, I can't make new friends, I scare everyone away from me.

 

So now that that relationship has come to an end, well, I'm alone, and I'm sure I will for a long time. Can't get to know a new girl that I like, if I don't know anyone at all...

[ReaderGrrl]

Thanks, though - I'm glad I'm not the only one, or particularly wary/paranoid/whatever. I guess the only answer is to just get out there and build some kind of "momentum," like when you succeed in losing one pound and then feel more confident you can lose a couple more.

But I'm already busy with trying to find a job, working on a novel and putting fridge magnets together to try and sell, so maybe I'll just stick with that for now.

[arrowbee]

sad thing is i JUST got through telling my buddy the same things:

 

look...sometimes, life's a pain, but if you stop trying now, where's that gonna leave ya?, its gonna leave ya nowhere.

 

Umm no, it's going to leave you right where you are, except with much less stress, no expectations dangling over your head, and no chance for disappointment. You do the math.

 

 

...and if things don't work out, you just gotta dust yourself off and try again, cause thats the way dating works...

 

About a month ago I decided to completely give up on women for 1-2 years. Since I made this decision, I've generally been much happier. I would recommend that anybody who is feeling stress in this area should just stop trying for a while - ease up on the expectations and hopefully gain some perspective in the process.

 

Interestingly, I have had more women approach me during the last month than at any other time in my life - but I just ignore them because, well, it's easier.

[sentencedtoagony]

Well, I had a relationship for 3 years...

 

But still don't have ANY friends at all, I can't make new friends, I scare everyone away from me.

 

So now that that relationship has come to an end, well, I'm alone, and I'm sure I will for a long time. Can't get to know a new girl that I like, if I don't know anyone at all...

 

i'm in the same situation...my gf of 10 years is through with me. all of my energy was put into being with her. i don't really know anyone else and every girl i talk to now thinks i'm a weirdo or something.

[Hephaestus]

Don't give up. I had nearly a dozen friends when I was in high school. Two months after graduation, that number dropped to zero. I thought I would go mad. Over the next five years, I gained at least three friends that would do almost anything for me. There were others, but we grew apart. The strange thing is that the person that I consider my closest friend now was someone that I utterly despised on sight. I took one look and said, "Wow, what an arrogant, smug piece of s**t." Sometimes, it's your friends that choose you. Just be open and let them talk. People love to talk. All you have to say is "hi," you'll get their life story.

 

Relationships....hmmm... If it's any consolation, my luck with women sucks. Don't get me wrong, I get along with them great. I've had women approach me and even take me out to lunch. The problem is that they either have boyfriends or 'love' me as a friend. People in relationships should really be required to wear signs.

 

All I can say is, be persistent and take it all in stride. If you really want someone in your life, just talk to people and SMILE while you're doing it. If you glare while you ask someone "How you doing?" They're going to fear you.

[ShySoul]

Don't give up. I had nearly a dozen friends when I was in high school. Two months after graduation, that number dropped to zero.

 

If they are truly friends, they won't disappear that easily. I keep in touch with one person from high school, and the fact that we still are in touch shows we are real friends.

 

Did you try to get in touch with them after two months or did they just disappear from your life? Two months may have been a little quick to say they aren't friends anymore, depending on the circumstances.

 

Remember, it's better to have one real friend who really understands and cares about you then all sort of "friends" but none who you feel you are really close to. You'll find that one friend, don't you worry.