I broke it off, he's my best friend

[turb1997]

I dated a guy for a few months. He turned into my best friend. His feelings for me grew, mine turned friendly. Beeing away for the summer I thought his feelings would die down as well. Not so, thereforeeee I had to say something. He took it real badly. I knew things would be rocky for awhile but I didn't expect him to cut all communication. He's asked me not to contact him again, said we can't be friends. He hasn't explained much. Now I'm a wreck cause I had no choice and I feel like I've lost my closest friend forever. I don't know what to do... He's so important to me.

[Reilly2856]

He's in pain right now..just give him time. Hopefully he will come around, and you can be friends again. It may not be a bad idea to tell him that though things didn't work out between you guys, you still value his frienship and hope you can be a part of his life. Be prepared, however, for him to reject this offer. Sometimes it just doesn't work out.

[caasiopia68]

it will take time... and when it finally and when hes ready to talk to you again appologize...

[Napoleon Bonaparte]

Turb have you ever had romantic feelings for him at all?

[darkblue]

My question too, NB.

 

I am assuming that you had feelings for him at the start and your feelings:

 

turned friendly.

 

Yes?

[Stari]

Turb, if you care for your ex at all then respect his wishes. Do not contact him again. Ever. Let him go.

 

He loved you. That is why his feelings did not diminish during your absense. That is why it would be hurtful for him to stay in contact.

 

Through No Contact will your ex eventually be able to heal his broken heart. With time will he once again be ready to give it to another woman.

 

The behaviour that you miss are gone. The behaviour you miss is the way your ex behaved towards the person who warmed him inside when it was cold outside. He listened to you. He supported you. Your ex wanted to help you be the best person you can be because you inspired him to be the best he could be. He trusted you. When you broke up with him that trust was broken. The warming fire inside him was extinguished. His ambition to inspire you faded. His will to listen to you vanished.

 

You want your ex to act as lovingly outside your relationship as he did when he loved you and you two were together. It will not happen.

 

You two should go separate ways so that you both can be available to meet other people.

[turb1997]

I moved, met him thru work and we became friends. For a couple of months we were just good buddies. He did not have romantic feelings for me at that point. All of that started at a work party = alcohol. We both opened out eyes and thought, hmm.. why not? I develop feelings for him slowly but they didn't last. What makes it hard is, I will be returning to that job in a few months. We will be working close together again. We have the same friends. Communication is inevitable.

 

Stari, I understand what you are saying. I never thought of it that way. He was my best friend because of the way he was acting towards me. He did it out of love, I acted the same loving way towards him out off friendship. Which is why I could easily return to the same. But he couldn't. I'd be more than happy to have the relationship we had before dating though or is that gone forever as well although it had nothing to do with love?

 

I regret dating him now. I should've kept building a stronger friendship based on what we already had and not go down the romantic path. It wasn't worth losing him. I wish we would've communicated more, we were never open about our feelings for each other.

[gersanos]

First off, Stari explained it best, but i'll toss in my rant.

 

He's asked me not to contact him again, said we can't be friends

 

He did the right thing; he's protecting himself. I second what everybody else said previously.

 

Now I'm a wreck cause I had no choice and I feel like I've lost my closest friend forever.

 

You did have a choice, and you choose to break up with him.

 

Hindsight is 20/20, and you say that about him now that you wish you never dated, but, I guarentee you, if you never did date, then you'd wonder what the possibilities would be if you two were ever to date.

 

In life we can't have our cake and eat it too. Friends after a break-up is pointless, unless it clearly is mutual, which almost never happens, because someone always wants it to end more than the other person.

 

You broke his heart, plain and simple, and he's hurt. Everything you two shared in the past is broken, and would never be the same. Perhaps one day something new will form between you two, either romantic or platonic, but don't count on it.

 

Cheer up, you'll make plenty of friends, and stay away from that nasty "e" word you mentioned: expectations.