You want your ex back? Things to avoid certain doom!

[SuperDave71]

Sometimes its easier to do nothing rather than do something and regret it later.

 

It tends to be the regret that hurts the most....

 

 

 

Take care,

 

SuperDave71

[Jeffster]

Super Dave!

 

Very insightful post and I wish I would've found this place sooner and it's mainly due to you and all the other great people that make this site as awesome as it is!!!

 

Nice to "see" you back, Pal

 

Jeff

[SuperDave71]

Good day Jeffster,

 

Thank you for the welcome back! I appreciate the kind words.

 

 

Your Friend,

 

 

SuperDave71

[NorthernFoxx]

I too am glad I found this place. From what I've read so far there are quite a few good people here who give sound, solid, advice. You Dave are definitely one of them =)

My story is a rather long one if you add in all the details, but I am inspired to write it & see what advice comes my way.

[SuperDave71]

Northern,

 

 

Welcome aboard and thank you for the kind words.

 

 

-SuperDave71

[mookiedoo84]

SuperDave! PLEASE read my thread and respond: Wanting … No, NEEDING answers! Also, let me ask you, 1) is it to late to salvage the relationship if I’ve already done everything (calling, crying, texting, “ending up” in the same places) you say not to? And 2) If this isn’t too personal … did you reconcile with your love who leaned on you after her break-up in summer 2005?? One more thing, lol … 3) What is the likelihood he’ll come back if he said there’s no chance ever again?? Thanks!!

[SuperDave71]

Mookie,

 

Find my old posts. All the information you need are there.

 

 

Thanks,

 

 

SuperDave71

[MADS MOM]

The NC is so hard for me but i am going to stick to it. It has been three days. I 've already made a complete idiot of myself in the past. I am tired of being stupid. I want to be happy. I am going to stick to my NC.

[SuperDave71]

Mad's Mom,

 

I did the same thing years ago. I was the pro of doing what "I" thought THEY wanted or needed....it was only until I got rid of that mind-set that I could start to see all the things I tried to do to win them back.

 

All I was doing was pushing them away. I had the best intensions, but I failed to look at me thru THEIR eyes insead of mine.

 

 

You can do it and I wish you the best!!

 

 

 

-SuperDave71

[cweathersby]

That's the BESt f*****ing advise, I've heard in a looong time..Went by last night and asked her waht she wanted to regarding our marriage and she gave the old "I don't know" line..I'm like "you know if you wanna talk to so and so on the phone and go out, etc.."..but I left and said Sorry for the mistakes I made, but Im still a good man..Sent her an email and said morning, and now my 30 NC starts.. Any advice about when kids are involved?

[MaNg0s]

Yeah I wish I saw this earlier when me and my gf broke up about 2 months ago. I rang her every other day for 2 weeks sometimes even spoke to her about getting back together just to hear "I don't want to be in a relationship atm" it hurt more then anything. I have not spoken to her in 2 and a half weeks because I know it hurts like hell when you do talk to that significant other and nothing has changed.

[AutumnBorn]

It just occurred to me today that I would not get back together with my soon-to-be ex.

 

He really thinks he did all he could to make us work and truly can't see how he hurt me continually. He wanted me to trust him. Impossible for me when he was looking at personal ads, talking to, emailing, and texting other women (even on the day his father was buried), not to mention the week in London in a one bed condo with his best girl, Pothead. He just doesn't understand how that destroyed my trust in him (his logic, if I trusted him, I would assume the best, not the worst).

 

A feeling of peace has come over me. I can't believe how much better this feels when I spent almost the entire weekend crying. It's not his fault. He's really a nice guy and wouldn't decide to be a total jerk to me. There's something wrong with his thought process. And I don't have to live with it, accept it, or really understand it. I know that I love him, but I need somethings he can't give me - loyalty, fidelity, and common sense.

 

Tomorrow I could be a crying mess again. God, I hope not.

[crosstownTraffic]

well,just reading all these posts and realizing I did my own NC! I didn't think i would cuz my ex-'s Birthday was right around Thanksgiving, but i didn't send a card.

I saw him several months ago, and he couldn't have been more unfriendly... Opened the door like a crack. This was after agreeing to meet me in town late on Saturday night, we had some drinks, then he came over to my place, we seemed to be getting along fine. Even wanted to sleep in the same bed with me... and there WAS heavy petting on his part.. The next day, same scenario (I DO believe I was dating Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde)... got furious cuz I wanted to get intimate with HIM..i.e. got sort of "affectionate" with him when we first woke up....what is good for the goose, obviously wasn't good for the gander in this guy's book!! And ran out of the house furious that I would want mess around with HIM.. It was OK, though, for him to mess around with ME though?!? Now mind you, we were lovers previously... So. it wasn't like I was coming onto a guy who I had never had sex with before. We had sex several times.. so for him to act all indignant cuz I was playing with him seems rather odd, doesn't it?

He did tell me he couldn't funtion sexually the nite before cuz he had too much to drink... I sure didn't think he'd had the same problem next morning..but he was full of it so many times.

 

anyway.. it ended up he gave me strep, cuz we were sharing a glass of wine and it just so happened he was sick..

 

I left several notes on his car cuz I felt he should go to the doctor and get some medicine.. and also, cuz I ended up paying like $80 to get myself better.

It came at at time when I had NO money, so to entertain him cost me $80!! I just asked him politely in the note to pay me back, at least in part for the medicine since i hadn't found much work during the summer and needed it for my bills, really badly.

Did he respond? Nope.. he was never very gentlemanly that way... So.. finally I went up to his house... He used to ask me why I would just put notes on his car instead of coming to his door...

Well... probably cuz of his Mr. Hyde syndrome.. He could be the most rudest and hateful people when he wanted.. that was really WHY! And I was so tired of being treated so disrespectfully and getting my feelings hurt.

So... he always wanted me to come to the door instead he would tell me on the phone.. I went up there.. Did i get treated politely? No way.. he just opened the door a crack, screamed out it.. "WHAT?????" And then Insisted that "Just leave him be, please"....Like i was some evil stalker or something! I never bothered him, or came by his place before!!

I sent him a note or two, asking him if he couldn't at least pay me back for the medicine, he NEVER even bothered to look at what needed fixing at my place..which was WHY I invited him in the 1st place!

 

Give me a break....if you didn't want to have anything to do with me.. why agree to meet me in the first place?!?! And he was supposed to help me out with some repair thing at my place I wasn't able to do myself..It was pretty important. If it didn't get fixed, there was definitely a possibility of a fire danger. At least he said he was going to help me....

Anyway.. I'm glad i never bothered to write him or anything.. I bet he's wondering what has happened to me.. cuz if someone really didn't want anything to do with you, they simply wouldn't even talk to you period.

The funny thing is.. he was really ticked off, he had to wait like an hour, in some pub for me to appear that evening we met up! Like it was okay, to put ME off, just not okay to make HIM wait!

 

I am just trying to get my self-esteem back together.. cuz honestly, lately, i have been doing some reading and his personality traits were rather frightening..

Has anyone read this book, "Why Does He do That?" It is all about controlling and emotionally and physically abusive men.

 

I read a few chapters and skimmed through most of the book, and he definitely fell into one of the categories. I really did care about this guy, but I'm just afraid he had too many issues for me to handle, honestly.

[SuperDave71]

crosstownTraffic,

 

 

Good post!

 

 

 

-SuperDave71

[Sickboy48]

NC is hard but it does work. I did all the classic things not to do when she broke up with me. Called her, texted her, tried to be a friend, it didn;t work, plus after 2 weeks she started a new relationship. i was heart broken but NC was the best thing ever for me. Now she texts me and tells me funny stories like am gonna be all amused and text her back. I don;t and am sure she gets annoyed about it.

All i can say is that NC is a good thing. helps you heal and get a ton of perspective about yourself and what happened.

Just work on yourself and don;t worry about them. They will contact you, happened to me already.

[Crows]

Shey came on msn i log off... havve not responded to her texts tonight...

 

shes just trying to make convo

 

 

"hey" "how were your tests"

[Jackripp]

I have been trying very limited contact.

 

The new girl I am dating is insecure and wrote my ex a letter on myspace. I don't know exactly what it said but I am VERY upset about it. I think it might ruin my Limited Contact. She said it was just to make sure that my ex didn't want me back, and it told her to leave me alone.

 

 

This could do nothing but hurt my situation and I am mad because I was in control of how I felt, now I am not.

[princess_summer_blue84]

Hell No I don't want me Ex back. I want him to stay as far away as possible. I don't need his butt or his lies , or his minipilating ( I don't think I spelt that right ) ways, either way I don't him in my life. What I need is him to be OUT of my life and for good and forever !

[Sickboy48]

She calls me today about some dumb password problem to some stupid game we use to play together. lol

[oldspice4me]

I have been reading around here for a few hours and just joined. Im in search of some advice.

 

My girlfriend of about a year and a quarter recently broke up with me. This happened on Tuesday night. Im currently in college and shes still at home finishing high school. She said that this wasnt the reason, but I thought that long distance might be taken into account. She basically said we should stop dating. This was all done becasue she said that she does not feel the same about me as she used to and how she should feel. She was extremely sad doing this. She said she felt this way for the past month. I tried to get her to change her mind, or at least have us try to work it out. I told her everything about how i feel towards her. Eventually she agreed that she would but she just needs a break to try to feel the same way. However, she says that she still wants to be best friends. I want to be best friends, but i want to be with her. I cant see how she would feel those same feelings as before if i am still there for her. I feel that the no contact may help in making her realize it. She says she still loves me and everything. There was no real negative reason why she split, but only that her feelings have changed.

 

The main question is should I attempt NC? I feel like I am in a pickle. I love her to death.

[faith_8]

BTW...

 

 

My ex and I are not together..we do spend time together alot but I give her all the space she needs. I do not pressure..or push or prod. I am me. I have worked on me because in teh end..I am all that I have....I only have the power to change me.

 

 

 

-SuperDave71

 

Thats awesome! Your entries somehow uplift me.

 

My ex and I were together for 8 yrs and NC has been the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

Does texting count though? His birthday is coming up and I at least want to say Happy Birthday.

[LilBear]

Texting counts as NC as well, I think it is mentioned in the first post of this thread by SuperDave, regarding the rules of NC.

 

But I suppose a happy birthday text is fine.

 

Unless it hurts you too much to say happy birthday to him..

[SuperDave71]

Yes, a text counts as communication...

 

 

-SuperDave71

[AutumnBorn]

First, you're both very young. She's extremely young. Sounds like she might be wondering if she should play the field a bit before settling down. Might be a good idea for both of you. You can love someone and not be with them. I've recently learned this myself. I can live quite well without the love of my life. It's OK, actually. Absense does change one's feelings. It's part of growing and the natural progression of things. Love is not stationary, it's transitory. The love you have at 18 is rarely the love you have at 28. People change, grow, lose interest. It's nothing negative.

 

Second, you should try NC, but not to as a means to win her back. Rather, it's a time in which to think about what you want and need, to clear your head, and think clearly. Hopefully, you'll learn something about yourself.

 

Third, I hope you're not wearing OldSpice. You're way to young for that.

[oldspice4me]

Thanks for the advice. I havent talked to her since Sunday night. Its been tough. She hasnt tried to contact me though either. I really do feel that I need to find myself though. What I was like before we met. I have to learn to be happy without her like in the good old days(not that days were bad when I was with her). The thing is she said that she saw us getting back together in the future. Im just not sure whats going on in her head right now. I asked her if guys had anything to do with it and she said no. Im not sure where Im going with this, but yes I do need to get myself back.

 

P.S. haha. I used to wear oldspice. It was the new stuff though, not the old man original smell like my dad. Now I have adidas. ;-)