BF univited me from our holiday

[kutekat100]

My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for nearly two year and has been wonderful. The last two months though have been very rocky. WSe love each other very much, but he cannot find a job in his industry and is still living at home and has no money. This ahs got him down a lot, and me too because we can never do anything. I have a great job, nice car, house etc. All i feel that he does during the weeks is see his friends and I have started to argue with him about this. It has gotten quite bad, lots of shouting, we keep saying we shoulkd break up coz we shouldn't be arguing like this but then relaise how much we love each other an dhtta its just a vicious circle we have got trapped in to.

 

I want to stop the arguing and I have really made the effort becasue I know it wa shurting him a lot. Ad we are not arguing now. However, two months ago we arranged to go on holiday together to see his friends who are renting an apartment by the beach. he was very excited that we were going together, we said we were taking my car an dplanned the whole thing. And I booked the time off work. However, last week I found out he has now arranged to go on the Wednesday and I haven't go time off work until the Friday. I asked why he was now going without me seeing as I was really excited about us going together. he said he just needs some alone time. I said that doens't sound good for us. he says its not me, he just needs to think about his career, his money situation etc. i got a bit mad becasue it was supposed to be our holiday. i also found out he is not going alone anyway but now going with his friend, who is going in my place. This made me angry. He says I'm not being fair. he says I can come down on the Saturday.

 

I need to know if I am being very unreasonable. I feel perhaps I have been picking a lot of fights with him recently about really stupid things he does, or if he doesn't stick to excatly what he has sadi to me in the first place. And I don't know why I'm doing it. Now I can't help thinking he wants to go on our hoilday without me to get away from me, and thinks he'll ahve more fun without me. or do you think he really just needs a couple of days space with his mates. to me that sounds like a bad thing, especisally as it was supposed ot be our hoilday. Any thoughts?

[DN]

I think he should have talked about this with you before he did it, and it is not right to disappoint you about your holiday.

 

Having said that, it seems as if he does need some time to sort his life out and needs some space to do that.

 

And you are going - just a day later.

 

Before he goes, I think you should have a talk about how to manage the relationship better - particularly how to communicate with each other.

[bubbleznsc20]

You should try and get the time off and surpise him make sure he isnt meeting some other girl...U know never it is possible if so tell him u will see him saturday and show up friday or even thursday after work....

[HajiMaji]

Thats rough. You sound good though. I agree with DN. He does seem like he needs to sort some stuff out. Yall have been together a while. Do you think you can survive this rocky time? You know him better then us. Its hard to take a step back when our SO's are being inconsiderate, because they normally are so sweet I would still take DN's advice and talk about better communication. And, let him know how it made you feel when he sorta changed those plans without talking to you. If you were with him for 2 years he cant be a total jerk!

[btbt]

It doesn't sound too bad -- he wants some time alone in the beginning and you'll catch up with him on Saturday. If the relationship is going to work out it has to weather these separations. I saw this from personal experience -- pleading with exes not to go away on their own and giving them a hard time about it. As you can see, they are now exes!

 

I wouldn't show up early and surprise him. It might make you look too needy and it's not what he wants -- he said he needs time alone. And it sounds like a premise for another fight.

 

Let him have his time to sort things through -- he'll probably miss you dearly and will be thrilled when you do arrive.