LoveOneAnother Posted July 20, 2005 Share Posted July 20, 2005 When you break up with a person, do they ushually want to come back? I ask this question because I recently broke up with my boyfriend. I am still very much in love with him, but felt that I needed to break up with him in order for him to see how much he was hurting me. Will this work or back fire? Link to comment
caasiopia68 Posted July 20, 2005 Share Posted July 20, 2005 depends... if he misses you it will work... if he gets over you , doesnt want anyhting else from you, it wont... so... he probably thinks that you dont want him anymore so he might not be quite over you but stilll is probably open to finding a new girl... Link to comment
chai714 Posted July 20, 2005 Share Posted July 20, 2005 When you break up with a person, do they ushually want to come back? I ask this question because I recently broke up with my boyfriend. I am still very much in love with him, but felt that I needed to break up with him in order for him to see how much he was hurting me. Will this work or back fire? Yes, but it highly depends on the quality of your relationship. Also, human nature laws tell us that humans want what they can't have, but in your case it doesn't necessarily apply. You broke up with him because you want him to treat you better? That is not how you get him to treat you better. In a sense, you're trying to "show him a lesson" and you're taking a huge, unnecessary risk. Communicating with him would have been a much wiser decision. Nobody here can say whether your tactic will work or not, but I would bet on the latter. You get your (now ex) to treat you better by rewarding him when he has positive behavior. People are like animals, and we (in a sense) train them how to treat us. You took a huge risk in my opinion, but maybe you can learn from this experience. Link to comment
RayKay Posted July 20, 2005 Share Posted July 20, 2005 Gah! One of my pet peeves is when people use "breaking up" as a way to win someone over or get them to give them what they want....it is childish and very risky. It is basically emotional manipulation. Communication, not revenge/breaking up, is what you need to learn to practice. If you HAVE communicated with him about it, with no effort/change on his part then you need to accept that perhaps he is not the guy for you and move on. Wouldn't you want a partner whom would not need you to break up with them to NOT hurt you...one that would from the start respect and love you in a manner you deserve? If you are not getting the respect, compassion, love you need and deserve, then turn this into a real break up and work on moving on. Relationships are work, but the work should not feel like work, and it should not be a battle to feel loved. Link to comment
thetruthintheformofhiphop Posted July 20, 2005 Share Posted July 20, 2005 if your a nice girl,we will come back to you because we miss you,if your a bad girl,he will get with another girl and hurt you again,thats what i think. Link to comment
greenmonster Posted July 20, 2005 Share Posted July 20, 2005 Oh jebus... Your 21 years old.... Grow up some and honestly deal with this like an adult. If you want better treatment from a guy simply ask for it and be open and honest with him about it. Dont play stupid games and dont just drop hints.... HINTS DONT WORK ON GUYS!!!! we are simple animals and use words like "yes" and "no" for 95% of our answers to questions we ask one another....the other 5% usually has something to do with sports or useless barroom trivia. so if you want results then ask for em. if you dont get the disired results make sure your asking for the right thing. and if the guy is too much of a tool to give you everything you diserve then dropkick him to the curb and press on with a new guy. BUT please whatever you do...dont just break up with him and expect him to know what it was all about without you communicating everything to him. this is just a crappy thing to do, it leaves someone feeling like they have had thier trust violated and really hurt. Careful with your plans.... Link to comment
darkblue Posted July 20, 2005 Share Posted July 20, 2005 Thank you raykay. You saved me a great deal of typing. Breaking up - means Breaking up. You don't want to see them again. There are reasons that you want to break up the relationship. It's not a form of testing loyalty etc. You have to learn that even if it works this time, eventually it will backfire. Link to comment
DN Posted July 20, 2005 Share Posted July 20, 2005 I too agree with RayKay. It is called playing games - and the problem with payiing games in relationships is that no one knows what the rules are - or who won. Get hold of him quick - tell him you are sorry you broke up with him, explain why you did it and tell him you now realise you should communicate better with each other and want to learn to do that. Link to comment
LoveOneAnother Posted July 20, 2005 Author Share Posted July 20, 2005 When I broke up with him, I did mean it. Im not playing games with him. I still do want to be with him, very much. However, I need for him to change his ways. I was hoping that maybe after he saw how serious I am, he would begin to miss me and try to get back together with me. We have a family at stake here. He knows why I broke up with him. I talk to him about my feelings and needs. He knows were I stand. I try writing to him. He just doesnt seem to care. I was hoping that this would be a wake up call for him. I just want him to love us, care about us, respect us, and be here for us. I try it all and dont know what else to do. I hate to give up. Thanks for the replies. I did not realize that I was being manipulative. I was not trying to be. I just wanted him to know I was serious. We are still broken up, I was just hoping that maybe further down the road, we could still get back together. Link to comment
saltwatergirl Posted July 20, 2005 Share Posted July 20, 2005 I understand that the reason you broke up with him was to get him to see you are for real. And now you regret having done that because he didn't bite the bait. The problem is, you are trying to do that for HIM when you really should be doing it for YOURSELF. Try thinking of it this way, you broke up with him because you ARE for real, not because you want him to think you are. Be honest with this all the way. He will realize how you feel based on your actions, not on your scare tactics. This is what you needed to do to give yourself some space and decide whether or not you can live with him the way he is. That is the real reason for doing what you did. It should not have anything to do with him or with showing him something. It has to do with yourself. Turn it around in your mind to this way of thinking and you will not be beating yourself up over what you think was a mistaken move. Salt Link to comment
Hope75 Posted July 20, 2005 Share Posted July 20, 2005 He just doesnt seem to care. I was hoping that this would be a wake up call for him. I just want him to love us, care about us, respect us, and be here for us. I try it all and dont know what else to do. I hate to give up. This is someone you need to give up on. In your other threads, you mention this guy is a drug addict and an alcoholic who cheated on you with your best friend just a few months ago while you were pregnant with his baby. Does this sound like someone who geniunely cares for you? I don't think so. Let him go for your children's sake and your own sake as well. Your family deserves more than this, and it's up to you to look out for these babies and get this guy away from you. He's not going to change his ways until and unless he wants to, and he doesn't seem to be in any type of hurry to do any changing. Let him go. You and your children need and deserve more. Link to comment
DN Posted July 20, 2005 Share Posted July 20, 2005 He just doesnt seem to care. I was hoping that this would be a wake up call for him. I just want him to love us, care about us, respect us, and be here for us. I try it all and dont know what else to do. I hate to give up. This is someone you need to give up on. In your other threads, you mention this guy is a drug addict and an alcoholic who cheated on you with your best friend just a few months ago while you were pregnant with his baby. Does this sound like someone who geniunely cares for you? I don't think so. Let him go for your children's sake and your own sake as well. Your family deserves more than this, and it's up to you to look out for these babies and get this guy away from you. He's not going to change his ways until and unless he wants to, and he doesn't seem to be in any type of hurry to do any changing. Let him go. You and your children need and deserve more. Exactly. You may have broken up with him for the wrong reason but you would be wise to stay broken up with him for the right reason. Link to comment
saltwatergirl Posted July 20, 2005 Share Posted July 20, 2005 Once again, DN & Hope, we find ourselves in agreement. 8) Salt Link to comment
RayKay Posted July 21, 2005 Share Posted July 21, 2005 Here is the thing sweetie...you should NOT have to break up with someone for them to realize YOUR worth. My partner lets me know EVERY single moment that he cares about me - not just through words but his actions. And I do not have to force him to, or beg him to, or break up with him for it. I give him my love, and he returns the favour with his love for me. I know it is hard, I know you have a family with him which makes it all that much harder, but you should never have to, nor even try to change someone. They must change for themselves, and it sounds like your ex is NOT ready to take responsibility for that yet, nor provide what you need. So you know what...you need to provide for yourself and your children. Respect YOURSELF first, and then you will see that you do not need to be begging for it from him anymore. I promise that one day, should he ever realize his mistakes he will regret it tremendously, and want to be there for his kids too. If he is lucky his children will open up to him again..but whatever happens these are choices HE is making now....you need to move forward for yourself and your children - show your children that you are strong and love yourself and them too much to put them in a negative situation anymore. Link to comment
Cydeways Posted July 21, 2005 Share Posted July 21, 2005 I do agree that you shouldn't play games, but not all men are that way. Link to comment
greenmonster Posted July 21, 2005 Share Posted July 21, 2005 true not ALL guys are that way...but a good majority. even the sweetest and most caring guys can miss the most obvious hints in a relationship. But hey girl with the issue..... If the guy has cheated on you in the past he will more than likely do it again....its just the nature of the beast, once a cheat always a cheat. The guy obviously doesn't realize what your worth and isn't worth the love you give him. if you are truly in love with the guy then there is very little I or anyone else can say that will make you drop the hope and feelings for the future you have with him. Hell, I am in a crappy deal right now with my ex and I cant give it up either even though I know I have to. The truth is though that there are guys out there that will care for you in a way that you diserve, take some time off and just figure things out in your head as to what you really want. I hope you get to feeling better and that everything for you works out. Link to comment
LoveOneAnother Posted July 23, 2005 Author Share Posted July 23, 2005 Hi GreenMonster, That is eactly what I am doing. I am just taking my time, thinking everything through. I at least know that I do deserve a lot better. I am sure that in the long run things will work out the way that they are ment to be. Thats how I try to look at life, everything happens for a reason. I wish you luck on your relationship problems as well. Link to comment
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