Couples Using Porn - Thoughts?

[OceanEyes]

I was talking to a longtime girlfriend on the phone last night, and the subject of her and her fiancee using porn together came up (yes, we tend to talk about everything, lol).

 

This is something that I haven't done, but I do hear about it from time to time. I'm curious to hear from the people who do, and their opinions on the matter. There are a few things I am curious about:

 

* Do you choose the material together, or is it basically from the guy's stash? The reason I ask, is because I find that a LOT of porn these days is very male-oriented and any woman can see how completely FAKE it is. Not just that, but some of it is downright disturbing (some women look look out of their skulls on ecstasy, coke, or alcohol).

 

Or .. do you choose something together that is more tasteful and that the woman can enjoy as well, without her automatically saying, "there is no way that she's enjoying that"?

 

* Have you encountered any problems from either side? For example, a dependency to even get aroused without that visual material?

 

* Overall experience: 1) Excellent, brought us closer together. 2) It was okay, something to enjoy occasionally. 3) Crap, won't do it again.

 

* Question for the men: What was more of a turn-on for you, the porn itself, the 'kinky' nature of watching it together, or seeing your woman's reaction to it?

 

Both male and female perspectives are totally welcome. However, please be advised that this isn't a 'debate' about what's right or wrong. I don't feel that anyone can say that for sure since we're all very different people coming from different backgrounds. What I'm hoping to encourage is a discussion amongst people who have experimented with porn with their boyfriend/ girlfriend.

[RayKay]

Hey Ocean, good topic! I like the twist on the usual is it right/wrong debate

 

I have viewed porn with a partner from time to time, so I will do my best to answer some of your queries.

 

 

* Do you choose the material together, or is it basically from the guy's stash? The reason I ask, is because I find that a LOT of porn these days is very male-oriented and any woman can see how completely FAKE it is. Not just that, but some of it is downright disturbing (some women look look out of their skulls on ecstasy, coke, or alcohol).

 

Or .. do you choose something together that is more tasteful and that the woman can enjoy as well, without her automatically saying, "there is no way that she's enjoying that"?

 

I have done both the go to the Adults Only Video and chosen something that was in line with both our tastes as well as downloaded things. While most of what you find online is orientated for male viewers, there are some treasures too...there are several sites that are geared towards women and women-friendly porn (visual and written). Some of my partners have had "good taste" too and had some decent stuff..lol.

 

* Have you encountered any problems from either side? For example, a dependency to even get aroused without that visual material?

 

Nope not at all. It's just an addition...the essentials of it being with your partner is still there...to me it is like toys, or role playing, it just adds a spice, but is not necessary all the time either.

 

* Overall experience: 1) Excellent, brought us closer together. 2) It was okay, something to enjoy occasionally. 3) Crap, won't do it again.

 

I think it is fun to do now and then. Depends on the approach I imagine...I prefer the "let's imitate or take ideas from what they just did!" approach. Can be kind of liberating to "feel like a porn star" too. I would not "depend" on it though..sometimes you like vanilla, sometimes you like something a little more nutty

 

* Question for the men: What was more of a turn-on for you, the porn itself, the 'kinky' nature of watching it together, or seeing your woman's reaction to it?

 

Ok, well even though I am female I am going to answer anyway for my own view. I like the kinkiness "we are doing something bad together" idea of it. Again, just an additional element of fun. From what I have asked partners I shared it with they felt similar in that it was the kinkiness, the imitating it, and the enjoyment we both had out of it. They could do without the porn, so it was more about "us" then the porn.

 

Hope that helps! I think it can be a fun tool with your partner as long as you are both comfortable with it. Another thing I like doing is writing "stories" for my sweetie with some good graphical descriptions of what he can expect later on....porn, but porn lite...

 

Women tend to be more "mental" and imaginative, so sometimes sharing pornagraphic literature (either self made or bought etc) can be even more stimulating. However, visuals still turn women on. A recent study showed men and women were equally turned on by porn..however ALL the women "denied it" even though their brain waves and physical reactions showed different!

[djedix]

I used to have a 'box' that makes the porn channels come in magically for free.. get my drift.

 

Anyways 2 of my girlfriends have come apon those channels nights when we were laying in bed, and they just got all worked up. so it works... i dont see anytthing wrong with it.

[Minty80]

Well, there is some pretty decent woman-oriented porn out there now. A good thing for couples is stuff that Nina Hartley has directed. She actually has a couples series. Candida Royalle has some good titles as well, like "My Surrender" that is very much aimed towards heterosexual women.

 

Well, I guess that answers the pick it together or not question, the answer is yes, together.

 

Definitely no problems, but it's not something I've done often. It's more for special occasions.

 

Overall experience is it was fun but not something I would want to do too often. I also think it's something to only do when both partners are comfortable and secure, otherwise it will just cause more issues.

[Laughing Sam]

Just like everything else porn is boring if you do it everytime. Variety is the spice of life and if you are in the mood for a smut fest go for it. Girls tell me they get just as turned on because of the naughtiness, (also most girls like to watch girl/girl scenes for the fantasy element), whereas us guys are a lot easier to please ("look naked flesh, i'm horny").

As said already the adult market is now tapping into the couples dollar, and about time too. Pick it together, watch it together, copy the positions together, just don't leave it in the DVD player at your g/f parents home.

[OceanEyes]

Some good responses! Thanks!

[melrich]

Great question Ocean, I wish you had gotten more people with experience answering.

 

My partner and i have talked about porn....I know she occasionally likes to watch it (not the out and out hardcore stuff) but we have never watched together. Our closest experience is probably lying in bed watching TV (it is more liberal in Oz than the USA) or a movie. If there is a sex scene on the screen she usually reacts to it but as soon as we get going we tend to just forget about what is on the screen.

 

I think RayKays point is a good one, used occasionally it is probably a great way to spice things up and encourage you to try something different.

[OceanEyes]

Great question Ocean, I wish you had gotten more people with experience answering.

 

Me too!! lol Actually, I don't really care whether or not someone has experience, I was just worried that it would become a right vs. wrong/ bad vs. good debate.

 

My friend was totally in favour of it, which surprised me a bit coming from her. I suppose I was just curious to see what kind of affect it can have on other peoples' relationships.

[mieshagirl]

I think watching porn together is a great thing! It definitly spices things up. It's fun to go into a porn store together and pick something out that you know BOTH of you will enjoy. I think it most definitly can help a relationship out that needs a little boost of excitement.

[Napoleon Bonaparte]

Ocean the question you should consider first is if you would be comfortable doing it. It's not for everybody obviously.

If you are going to try it with your bf try some of the (women friendly) porn. And not all of it is particularly degrading (stay away from Hustler though)

[tarheel1]

I agree with most of the others, watching porn together can add some spice. Just be careful with the content, alot of stuff these days borders on abuse and humiliation of the women involved. My wife responds well to the "couples themed movies".

Picking out "toys" together can also be exciting.

[chele89]

my turn on is because of the reaction I see in my partner... its the best

[Shadows Light]

Do you choose the material together, or is it basically from the guy's stash? The reason I ask, is because I find that a LOT of porn these days is very male-oriented and any woman can see how completely FAKE it is. Not just that, but some of it is downright disturbing (some women look look out of their skulls on ecstasy, coke, or alcohol).

Or .. do you choose something together that is more tasteful and that the woman can enjoy as well, without her automatically saying, "there is no way that she's enjoying that"?[

 

- usually he chooses... and I agree, what they choose doesn't have any plot or scenario... anything. There are X video's these days that are made for women by women... more romance in it, try for a story line.

 

* Have you encountered any problems from either side? For example, a dependency to even get aroused without that visual material?

 

Yes... my opinion is that they become desensitized... and it takes away from them being able to get arroused. They won't admit it. But when and if they start using it as FOREPLAY or to replace FORPLAY... u have a problem.

 

*

Overall experience: 1) Excellent, brought us closer together. 2) It was okay, something to enjoy occasionally. 3) Crap, won't do it again.

 

-older/wiser... been there done that.. and CRAP won't do that again.

 

If they start using the porn before they approach you... you'll feel like CRAP because.. you're not enough.

 

Annotation: This is just my opinion based on my experience with one person.

 

I do agree with variety is the spice of life...and that as long as its not a F&S type flick...it could be visually stimulating. Not opposed to it every now and again or in great moderation. However, if its used as a "cure all" or a "needed fix" this is a problem.

[lemonbar]

I typically don't care about a storyline or plot -- I'm very visual so what I see will get my motor running.

 

My husband and I don't do it all the time but every now and then when there's been too long a break...he will put one on and we will sit and watch it together.

 

Within 15 minutes, I'm all over him and all he has to do is lay back and enjoy.

 

My husband picks all the dvds and he seems to pick ones that I like (but who know -- I may just like them all!)

[OceanEyes]

Thanks for the responses people! Was a good read and nice to see that most people are in favour.

 

Shadows Light: I would feel pretty crappy too if my boyfriend had to actually watch porn before we got going. In fact, I'm surprised that you would even still be into sex PERIOD with him after that fact. Sounds like a very negative experience.

 

Certain things would typically turn me off about it; like the average motions the woman tends to go through in a male-oriented film. It's just incredibly phony to me, and it's more funny than anything.

 

Every guy I've ever been with watches porn and I don't care. Guys seem to get turned on by any naked flesh they see, lol

[Shadows Light]

ohhhh I'm done with him. He's out.. one of the many reasons he's my EX today. The day I found Gay Porn on my computer was one of the hardest and most confusing days of my life. What do I do now???? lol.

 

Well... I'm getting over it. Albeit slowly.

 

Into sex... no, it didn't totally turn me off. My mind hasn't been totally jaded into thinking "ALL MEN" are this way.

 

I dont' think there is anything wrong with soft porn or some of it. Everything in moderation I guess is ok. I think you can go overboard with anything. Even Sex itself. Its not all about the ACT.... there is so much more to it than that in intimacy. Just touching can be erotic. A look can be erotic / sensuous. If you can build romance into porn... well maybe it would make it more palatable.

 

If I had to build an anology it would be like enjoying a dinner. Fast food on the run is there to fill you up and take the edge off your hunger. But if you really wanted to enjoy a dinner. You'd go to a nice quiet restaurant. Where the ambiance is candlelit. Soft music. Crystal. Tableware...and all dressed to the nines. And if you sat in that atmosphere with you "love" and just enjoyed the moment. Enjoyed every single bite of your dinner...and savored its texture, smell and taste... WOW. You'd think you just have the BEST dinner you've ever had in the whole world.

 

I'd look at PORN as a fast food restaurant... its like a drive thru... it brings you to the point of excitement... quickly. And the sex right after... takes the edge off quickly.

 

Now... after enjoying a dinner in the aformentioned romantic restaurant... you went home and enjoyed making love with the same slow savor.... its a whole different... sensation, feeling.... Fufillment.

[Napoleon Bonaparte]

This is gonna sound like a retarded funny statement but the biggest problem with porn is the acting. NO woman just goes bezerk every second of the sex and screams even when the guy is adjusting positions and not really dpoing much thrusting.

I wish people just acted like themselves or realistically and showed they enjoyed what they were doing . I see this one woman screaming hysterically like she is having the best orgasm of her life and all he is doing is fitting it back in after it slipped out. Sometimes it would be cooler if they just CALMED down.

Funniest moment in porn ever. Girl is getting gang banged.

This black guy is standing there wanking. This really big white guy is also wanking.

White guy ejaculates at the girl and misses, splattering the black guy all over his arm and shoulder.

He is trying not to act fazed as he continues to wank but he keeps glancing at his arm cuz you know he is totally grossed out.

[Shadows Light]

Napolean Bonaparte... You're posts never cease to amaze me. Your field of experience is wide and varied. Your insight... always enlightening...and engaging...

 

YOU JUST CRACK ME UP!!! Thanx for the grins.

[Napoleon Bonaparte]

No problem dude.

[jna35]

We prefer to choose any porn together. We don't like the hard core stuff, but prefer something with an actual stroyline, like Red Shoe Diaries. I wouldn't want to use it all the time, but every now and then it's kinda fun.