lemonbar

I know that I have seen many attractive men, sure they're nice to look at but would I want them -- mostly likely no. To get me to want you -- I really need to get to know you. Nothing that a guy does to his body - six pack or keg, tats or clean shaven -- matters to me. It's about who he is and what he is about. Is he kind and thoughtful. Is he caring and honest. The rest is superficial and doesn't mean squat to me.

I typically don't care about a storyline or plot -- I'm very visual so what I see will get my motor running. My husband and I don't do it all the time but every now and then when there's been too long a break...he will put one on and we will sit and watch it together. Within 15 minutes, I'm all over him and all he has to do is lay back and enjoy. My husband picks all the dvds and he seems to pick ones that I like (but who know -- I may just like them all!)

Thanks for the repsonses...especially the analogy about the high school yearbook. I'm slowly getting the picture. I guess I'm the type that doesn't keep momentos, even if the times were good -- I just kind of move on. I don't think he even knew he had them until I mentioned it and he didn't even look in the box, just took it and locked it up. And you guys are right....he's with me, not her. It's good to have people on the outside tell you what they see!

Aloha Lily! Don't give up. I know some men equate being "man enough" with being able to perform and satisfy us women. Problem is that they forget that there are other ways to do this. Just give it time and don't give up. Stand by him, behind him whatever it takes and I'm sure he will eventually get the picture. You've made good decisions -- and it sounds like you really love your husband a whole lot. I see you live in Hawaii, so do I -- u can PM me if you like and we can have ourselves a little girl chat. Best wishes and take care!

Just wanted to provide an update. Because I was so chicken about a face to face confrontation - I wrote him a letter. He didn't bother reading the whole thing...he read just the first two sentences and broke down crying. Everything that he was holding in came pouring out like a dam had burst. I held him in my arms and he just cried and talked for hours. He said he didn't realize how hurt I was until it was in black & white in front of his face. He made the appointment for our first counseling session and it's tomorrow. I think we are going to make it! Now if I could just get him to get rid of those pictures of his ex-girlfriend then things would be perfect .... but that's another story. lol Thank you!

My husband and I met in 1993. His last relationship prior to me was with a married woman whose husband was in the military. The relationship ended 5 yrs before we met and she eventually left the islands when her husband was transferrred. Fast forward to now, I found an old cigar box and in the box were pictures of her and love notes written by her to my husband. I wasn't snooping, I just came accross them when he asked me to clean out the dresser of old clothes for donation. I asked him why was he keeping this stuff and he got mad and told me "What's the problem"? I was really calm and told him I loved him very much and I know that he loves me but I feel that it's disrespectful to me, his wife, to keep these momentos. He got irritated and grabbed the box out of the dresser and locked it in a cabinet in the garage and he told me not to touch his stuff. His brother was there when this happened and his brother told me I should have just thrown it out but I couldn't do that as it did not belong to me. At the time I wasn't upset, just confused as to why he would still be holding on to those things after all this time. As each day goes by and I think about it more and more, I'm finally starting to get upset.... What does this mean....that he still loves her? I want to push the issue more...but am I wrong? I don't want to come off like I'm overreacting -- part of me feels that I always underreact to things. But isn't this just wrong??????

Thank you all for the quick response -- I guess I've know all along what I need to do but your responses have been very helpful. Since it's Saturday, I guess there is no better day to have this discussion. At least it will give one of us time to pack. Thank you again!

My husband and I have been together for 11 years but only married for the last 6 yrs. We met through our work while talking on the telephone -- we clicked. The whole time we dated we would have wonderful conversations and we both truly enjoyed each others company. We finally got married, although I had serious cold feet not once, not twice but three times. I finally got over my fear of losing my independence and got married. Things really started to change once those papers were signed. He became controlling -- of not just the finances but over our social life too. Friends of mine, that he didn't like, were soon disappearing like flies due to my husband's attitude towards them. The wonderful conversation slowly started to fade -- he would rather watch tv now than carry on a conversation with me. He's always been verbally abusive towards his mother and brother. The only person he would take direction from was his father. He is a carbon copy of his father and I know for a fact that his mother had gone thru what I am experiencing right now. About a year ago he start becoming verbally abusive towards me. I just held my tongue not wanting to upset him more. When he was in a good mood, I brought up the verbally abusiveness. I was politely rebuffed with -- I don't hit you. I told him that maybe we needed to speak with a professional to help our relationship and his temper. His response -- nothing is wrong with his temper and if I just listened to him we wouldn't have any problems. His father passed away at the beginning of May. My husband was so close to him. The verbal abusiveness died down for a while but now it is back with a vengence to my mother-in-law, brother-in-law and to myself. A few weeks ago I talked to him again and he was just as unresponsive as before. He did make an attempt to control himself but this evening he couldn't help himself and started swearing at me again. I'm so tired -- He just lost his dad and I do love him. I don't want him to feel any more pain. But I look at my mother-in-law and don't want to grow old with this man and have to been belittled every day until I die. I don't know what to do -- should I throw in the towel and just say good bye? If anyone has an insight, please let me know. Mahalo!