Is there a such thing as "the one"?

[studygirl]

I was just wondering what you all think about "the one". Is there a such thing? Or is it "the one for the time being"? So many people I know (myself included) have thought we had found the person we wanted to be with for the rest of our lives and for whatever reason it ended up not being that way. People say,"When you know, you know" but I have seen those same people break up/divorce, etc. So I was just wondering what all of you thought about this. If there is a such thing then why the high divorce rate? I know I have been in many relationships where I thought "he is the one" and 6 months/one year/ two years later it fizzled. I think I have come to believe that maybe it is unnatural to believe that there is someone who will change in the same ways you do forever? Even marriages I know of that have lasted for 20, 30, 40, 50 years are unhappy. What is the deal?? Maybe it is just because my parents divorced after 22 years of marriage, I just have a weird view on this.

[AlwaysNeedHelp]

yes

[SkyFire]

No.

 

"The one" doesent exist. Simply another thing society wants you to believe.

 

There are millions of people who are compatible with you.

 

Sometimes people dont marry because of love.

[AlwaysNeedHelp]

but there are ones who found special ones for themm not all people found only one for them but there are people..

 

some people got married not because of love ? so what ?

it depends on how and why u want to get marrried.. if it just to get with any girl and just to get involved with someone.. then u wont find the one.. all people will be mostly the samel..

 

but if u want a special relation, u can find it.. and maybe u wont find it.. but i believe there is..

[volution]

No.

 

"The one" doesent exist. Simply another thing society wants you to believe.

 

Soulmates do exist. That people don't believe in them doesn't make them cease to exist. There is too much latent evidence for soulmates, even in science. Negative/Positive. Light/Dark. Up/Down. Yin/Yang.

There is an incredible book that might just change your mind on soulmates: "Science of Soulmates" (link removed).

 

There are millions of people who are compatible with you.

Perhaps, but would you really find a longlasting tryst with someone who had one or two things in common with?

 

Sometimes people dont marry because of love.

'Oftentimes' I might add.!

People usually marry for comfort and security, after becoming disenchanted and disillusioned that they will ever find 'true love' - ie: they just settle for second (or third, fourth or even millionth) best...

[AlwaysNeedHelp]

volution,

 

u said what i wanted to say in the best way.. i agree with you

[CarterJonas]

No.

 

There are many people that will idealize the 'one'.

[Mr. Cactus]

In my view there are a vast number of "ones" that any particular person would find they could have a lifelong loving relationship with. The term "one" really can only be used in the context of someone having found one particular person - out of that vast number of people - who is compatible with them. If there really was only "one" person for each of us, then with a world population of billions, the chances any of us finding that other person would be far, far smaller than winning the national lottery on a regular basis. Additionally, people who become widows out of loving marriages could by that definition never find another comparible loving relationship, since their one and only "one" is now deceased. But the vast number of widows either form equally loving and meaningful relationships in the future or they do not re-marry at all out of personal choice.

 

Certainly there might be very few people indeed who share every single viewpoint you have, who have exactly the same tastes, likes and dislikes, have the same habits etc, but those things don't guarantee any sort of compatibility anyway.

 

I think we all need to keep the above in mind after breakups. We read here constantly of people - after breakup - thinking they will never find someone again like their ex. But their ex is just one person. There are plently more where they came from.

[AlwaysNeedHelp]

one here is not meant like only one in the universe.. not the quantity..

 

but the one is like the special person who u both are so into eachother..

 

u looked at everyone in the world for sure u will find more than one.. but when u will not search in the whole world.. u will only find one.. and this one is the one lol

[shes2smart]

As I have written elsewhere before, I believe the concept of "The One" causes a lot of unnecessary grief, misery, pressure and general negativity for a lot of people.

 

If believing in "The One" is a positive thing in your life, coolness. More power to ya. Believe it all you want. If, however, believing in "The One" causes you to get into/stay in bad relationships or make poor choices about relationships, makes you miserable, makes you feel unworthy or bad about yourself, plunges you into the depths of dispair or otherwise has a negative impact on your outlook, then it's time to change your thinking.

 

Personally, I look at ALL relationships (friends, co-workers, family, lovers, etc.) as God/Universe/Spirit/Higher Power/Nature/Whatever-You-Call-The-Thing-Greater-Than-Ourselves presenting us with an opportunity to learn something. There has definitely been a progression in the romantic relationships I have had over the course of my life. Each successive one has gotten a little closer to what is the ideal relationship *for me* as I learned more about myself and what sorts of personality traits fit best with mine.

 

My husband is about as perfect a partner for me as humanly possible. (His ex-wife would highly disagree with him being a perfect partner, but she's a very different person than I am. ) That being said, if some sort of catastrophe happened to him tomorrow (God forbid), I know that after a period of grieving I would be fine, and I would eventually become involved in another relationship. I would hope he would do the same if something would happen to me. I wouldn't want him so hung up on the concept of me being "The One" that he would shut himself off from future happiness or loving relationships just because I had the audacity to die first.

[Dre_7]

I see where you're coming from, but some people just can't move on after they've been close to someone for an extended period of time. It's not that they'll never be happy, but maybe they don't expect anyone else to live up to that previous standard. I don't think we ever realize how difficult it is to lose something until we actually lose it.

In terms of my definition of the one, it's that person that you can't live without. There could be one such person, there could be more than one, but I think it's the one you are with, but couldn't imagine life without.

[studygirl]

But then how can it happen so many times? There are so many instances in which you find someone that you cannot imagine your life without, but they move on (they don't feel the same). I know there was someone in my life 4 years ago that I swore up and down was the one and he ended up not being that. It took me a year to get over him, but now I don't feel like that at all! With friends too, I have had "soulmate" friends that are so different from me now (we saw things so well 10 years ago, but now...). And again, why do so many people split up/separate/get divorced if they are with their "one"??

[shes2smart]

And again, why do so many people split

up/separate/get divorced if they are with their "one"??

 

Maybe because the concept of "the one" isn't a sound one.

 

Maybe because that was "the one" for who they were at that point in time, but they have since grown and are a different person now.

 

Maybe they were mistaken.

 

Maybe the real end of the search for "the one" ends when you look in a mirror.

 

There is no one answer to this question. Only what you believe to be true. Human beings are limited in vision...we cannot see the larger picture of how our lives and other people's lives all intertwine and how seemingly insignificant events have a very significant impact. Sometimes, if we are observant, and the Universe is feeling particularly generous, we get a glimpse of the larger picture.

[shes2smart]

I see where you're coming from, but some people just can't move on after they've been close to someone for an extended period of time.

 

That's a choice they make, just as some people choose to move on. In either case, a different choice can be made at any time.

 

It's not that they'll never be happy, but maybe they don't expect anyone else to live up to that previous standard.

 

Even though we all tend to do this, it is not fair or advantageous to compare one relationship to the next. Of course they're not going to be the same...you're dealing with different people and if you've learned anything, you yourself are a different person.

 

Expecting a new partner to live up to some sort of standard based on one's ex is insulting to the new partner. They're not the ex, they can't be the ex, and like all of us, the new partner deserves to be accepted for who they are and not compared to a memory.

 

I don't think we ever realize how difficult it is to lose something until we actually lose it.

 

The solution to that is to stop taking people and things for granted. To be consciously aware of the things and people in your life that you value, love and are thankful for, and to express your appreciation for those people and things on a regular basis....not just when you're in danger of losing them or have lost them.

[AlwaysNeedHelp]

But then how can it happen so many times? There are so many instances in which you find someone that you cannot imagine your life without, but they move on (they don't feel the same). I know there was someone in my life 4 years ago that I swore up and down was the one and he ended up not being that. It took me a year to get over him, but now I don't feel like that at all! With friends too, I have had "soulmate" friends that are so different from me now (we saw things so well 10 years ago, but now...). And again, why do so many people split up/separate/get divorced if they are with their "one"??

 

well, bec the way people looking for the one is not right.. how suppose anyone find the one if he/her just looking for a cute boy/girl to have sex or whatever... not looking for a real long lasting relationship..

 

also they dont wait.. when they find themselves alone they feel like they have to get a bf or gf.. by this way no one will find the one..

[Tigris]

I thought I'd found my soul mate when I married my husband in 1986, but I hadn't!

 

However, I was conducting my brass band one day and the door opened and a man walked in carrying a tuba. I felt like someone had hit me with a hammer! I fell in love with him straight away! Unfortunately, I was still in an unhappy marriage so I couldn't do anything about it.

 

We enjoyed each others company when the brass band was playing at concerts, etc., and eventually became friends. This went on for a year! Eventually, I decided I wanted a divorce. But I wasn't 100% sure, why? I thought it over and decided I definitely didn't want to be with my husband. It was over!

 

I was worried about talking to my friend in case I lost his friendship. Then I thought about the 'what ifs?' The only thing he said was he knew my marriage was rocky, but he didn't know how bad it was. He also said he wouldn't have an affair! I told him my marriage was over but he wasn't totally convinced and neither was my husband. They both realised when I removed my wedding ring.

 

I discovered that he'd fallen in love with me the first day he walked into the room! He also thought I was single at the time because I didn't have my wedding ring on, (fingers were swollen). The next week he met my husband. He said he was devastated!

 

We've been married for 13 years! Yes we've had our ups and downs but so far we've worked through them. The answer is compromise.

 

I think the problem is people are looking for their soul mate. We're looking too hard! The answer is they turn up when we're not expecting them!

[winkie]

Wow, I do believe in the one. And I married him. I knew he was the one when I first saw him and at first he was an idiot because (I did not know this) he had a ex g/f that would not leave him alone. So I would call him and he would not call back or he would say lets meet up and wouldn't and if we did we would get along so great. My friends were like he is an idiot stop calling him and I was like no way there is something about him, I cant explain it. Well long story short as soon as his ex was out of here we started becoming serious. When we became serious I asked him why he was a jerk in the beginning and he said he didn't want his ex to ruin anything between us. As far as the Divorce rate nobody works at anything anymore. When people break their DVD they go buy a new one well they have the same views with marriage nothing is sacred anymore everything is disposable. When a marriage goes wrong you work at it and try to make it better you dont throw it away and go buy a new one. I am now married and I can tell my children that I knew your farther was the one. Trust me there is only one...and it is a different feeling when you find them you can not explain it. Good lick on your journey for the one.

[winkie]

Oh PS when you are with someone that is the one the relationship still needs work it can not run itself.

[Tigris]

Well done Winkie.

[confusedashell]

well I found someone who when we got together, I thought or actually I KNEW that I wanted her and her alone forever. I had NO interest in looking elsewhere. She was perfect. She told me the same. I thought I was set. We married, had a child and had a good relationship. six years later we're done. in the space of a week she decided that she didnt love me anymore.

 

yikes.

[PendingVendingmachine]

well I found someone who when we got together, I thought or actually I KNEW that I wanted her and her alone forever. I had NO interest in looking elsewhere. She was perfect. She told me the same. I thought I was set. We married, had a child and had a good relationship. six years later we're done. in the space of a week she decided that she didnt love me anymore.

 

yikes.

 

I found someone i loved, wanted to spend the rest of my life with, one night, she decided (I dont love you anymore)

 

There is no 'The One', this has happened to me, TWICE

 

how many more times will it happen?

 

The only 'One' I know of, is Neo, from the Matrix

[sorryJason]

Yes, there is a soulmate out there for everyone, but you can't just wait for them to fall into your lap, you have to actively try to find them. And you can't be afraid to to jump into love.

 

I was afraid all my life, I was afraid to get married to my one true soulmate because I didn't think I could support her, I always thought there was going to be some magical bell that would sound one day and that would tell me that I should marry her, well there wasn't one. I let thing stupid things in my life control me and not think about the soulmate I had found. I never fixed the problems I had with myself, I let the little things pile up. I even told her at one time that we were going to be married, then I lost my job, and life came back at me, and I forgot about the one thing that really matters in this life.

 

That thing is love, if you find that one person that completes you in every way, don't let go of them, you only have one chance, do whatever you can to hold them close and never let them go. I know I have ruined my one chance to be with my soul mate, and I will regret it for the rest of my life.

 

If I could go back, I would not let the world tell me if I should marry her, I would not let the little things matter. It is like that poem/story that everyone hears, about the man and his wife that dies, and he never told her how he really felt, he never made each day special, because we are only here for a short while and we have to make the most of everyday. Your soulmate could be taken from you at any time. You live everyday as if it was your last with him/her.

 

Sorry about the length of this post, it just all came out at once. Thanks for reading!!!

[pchellak]

'the one and only someone' is make-belief fantasy, courtesy of Hollywood made popular by chick flick movies.

[Carnatic]

If there was only one then with 6 billion people in the world the chances of running into them are pretty much negligible. I used to use that to justify why I constantly failed to find a girlfriend, but that was a bad idea as it encouraged me to see my failure as out of my control.

 

In reality there are many girls who a guy would be interested in, and many girls who would be interested in that guy. A relationship forms when the two coincide. That much is luck, what isn't luck is that it isn't immediately obvious who these people are, you have to go out and find them, it isn't immediately obvious to them who you are, you still have to work at being emotionally and physically attractive to them. Then once you have a relationship with someone who is mutually compatible you still have to keep it up, and then when you fall in love you will feel like you have found the one... but it is just an illusion, you both made the relationship was it was, not fate.

[ShySoul]

There is one person with whom we click just right and are meant to be with forever. The reason that people say otherwise is because it is easy to fall prey to all of the false alarms out there. There are all kinds of people we will be attracted to. They will have many of the same qualities that "the one" will have. We see those qualities and get wrapped up in the idea that this is finally the one we have been waiting for. We get caught up in the intense feelings and emotions that come with any relationship. We convince ourselves that we have found out soulmate and we can't live without them, only to find that isn't the case. So people become bitter and start saying the one doesn't exist, not because they believe that but because of the bad experience they had. It's easier to blame the whole concept of "the one" then to admit to yourself that you were wrong about the other person and that you two were not compatible as you had thought. But that doesn't mean "the one" isn't still out there. You will find that person eventually, and when you do you will believe all over again.